the stirring and the churning

Several months ago I was sitting in Sunday School listening to a missionary talk.  At one point, he asked us to pray silently- to ourselves- and ask the Lord to lay on our heart if He was calling us to reach out to either those near or far
as I prayed, I could feel my heart stirring
the stirring in my heart quickly turned to a churning in my stomach
and stayed there in a well known form
fear.....
the fear of discomfort.
the fear of complete abandon
the fear of taking away ignorance in exchange for knowledge
ignorance can play pretend in a small world made up of comfort and control
knowledge calls for awareness and action- it calls most for accountability

Do I think the Lord is calling my family to the mission field
not like the norm
Do I think He is calling me and my family to more
yes
He didn't hang on the Cross so one could hold to comfort
He hung to rise so we would have the freedom
the freedom to follow His leading....
wherever
whenever
however
always leading to forever

Heavenly Father, please help me to lay the things of me down and pick up the things of Thee...

It's so hard Lord

It's so hard

Please guard and keep our Missionaries- those on the field and those rising up- Thank you for them and for the example they are of living beyond themselves.  Please give them a renewed sense of hope and purpose and please fill their hearts with the knowledge that what they are doing really does matter.....both in the now and into eternity.  I love you Lord Jesus