I have a revolving 'mix' on YouTube of music- generally speaking, it always plays the same songs. Sometimes though, it throws additional songs in of the same genre. Today, as an additional song came on, it was one I had heard many times before, Mercy Me I Can Only Imagine. In the past, I have let the lyrics absorb and my imagination try to 'imagine' what seeing Jesus will be like- being surrounded by His glory what will my heart will feel. As the song describes possibilities, dancing, awe, singing, falling to our knees- all of those I have imagined doing...as those thoughts would come, a warm thankfulness would fill my heart and sometimes tears come to my eyes- like I had just smelled the most amazing flower or been told heart filling wonderful news, almost magical.
I haven't heard the song much the last couple of years, at least not that I can remember, so today, when it came on, I let my imagination 'imagine' and for the first time, could resonate best with the very last verse in the chorus...'will I be able to speak at all.' No, I don't think I'll be able to. I don't mean this as some awe struck Christian who giggled and cartwheeled my way to Heaven's gates only to see Jesus and respond like a speechless fan who is seeing their favorite movie star up close and personal. For me, a more accurate meaning would be an internally battered soul who, by God's grace, in the deepest sense of exhaustion, completed life and it's intense storms and saw for myself that it was all worth it. Not the living part, but the living for Jesus part.
Today, if I were to imagine seeing Jesus, I imagine I would be speechless and possibly even cry wracking sobs- again, not out of fan fare fascination but, out of recognizing and fully understanding that I was in a place I could completely unload the burdens earth could never heal, knowing that those burdens could be safely and forever unpacked, never to be picked up again. An eternal healing that leaves all of us who know Jesus safe and whole, complete. Speechless at the work it took to stay the course, speechless at what I saw and experienced along the way (and what I know others have had to and will endure), speechless because the giddy and full of words and actions I thought I would have don't fit anymore. Speechless because the faith it takes to walk with Jesus and trust His promises, that He will work all things for His glory and our good (even if we don't see the results until Heaven) was true. And to be quite honest, speechless because on the tattered surface of my mind, it's hard not to be annoyed that there was not some easier way to accomplish His plan other than straight through unyielding rough and earthly emotionally damaging sea's (He sees our heart and knows this already about me).
No, it won't be about me when I see Jesus, but I do believe it will be a complete understanding of our faith, that we chose to embrace here on earth, being fulfilled in Heaven...on second thought, maybe my speechlessness will be complete awe at how the imperfect all came together perfectly.
Guess I'll just have to wait and see!
Thank you Jesus for your work on the cross and your sustaining love for us.
Mercy Me- I Can Only Imagine
No comments:
Post a Comment