when the rainbow does not mean what you thought

In December of 2010, Matt and I had been home study approved to adopt for 6 months.  We had retained an attorney in Hawaii who handled adoptions and signed up with an adoption agency on the mainland.  By the time December made the calendar that year, Matt and I had seen quite a few birthmother profiles but nothing had been a match.  If you are currently a 'waiting family' or have adopted, you know what I'm saying when I say that it's a tough wait.  Each day you anxiously check e-mail looking to see if there is a possible match- you wait for that phone call- you pray- you imagine what life is going to be like with your little blessing.

Sometimes you want something so badly you start grasping at straws to convince yourself of things that are not true.  Sometimes in the convincing, you put God in a place that He's really not- you speak for Him in a way that does not line up with scripture.

 

The message was on our home answering machine that December day...
A baby girl had been born at 34 weeks in Chicago- due to her early arrival and some other complications she was in NICU. Were Matt and I interested in becoming parents to this precious baby.
Matt and I prayed
prayed
and prayed some more
We ran it by our boys and then prayed some more
I personally didn't know what it was supposed to 'feel' like when you were told that you had been matched with a baby but I did know what it felt like to want your longing fulfilled so bad you would look for anything to confirm that the filling had arrived.

I specifically prayed that, if it was God's will, He would send a sign- something blaringly obvious that He was calling us to this adoption. 

I kid you not, as soon as I prayed the prayer, the most beautiful rainbow showed up in our front yard(never mind we lived on Kauai where rainbows were not so rare- I wanted to believe the rainbow was a sign so much that I compartmentalized any and all reasoning).  Matt had gone off by himself to pray and had come back just around the time the rainbow appeared- He said that he had been praying for a sign also and was shocked to see the rainbow. 

We called the caseworker and told her yes.
I booked a flight out to Chicago, leaving early the next morning- Matt was going to join a few days later..  I also booked a car and hotel.

I continued praying throughout the evening and had an unsettled feeling.
Was God really giving us the OK to adopt this baby by confirming it through a rainbow?
The unsettled feeling continued and by late that night, I was sitting on our bed crying to Matt telling him I thought we had made a mistake in saying yes....I knew this baby needed a mama but I didn't think I was the one- I kept going back to the rainbow and begging God not to be disappointed in me because of the sign He had given us to adopt this little girl.
An unsettled feeling had come over Matt too and we decided to call off the adoption.  The flight and hotel was cancelled and the case worker was called.

A firm conviction took root in both Matt and my heart that December evening- nowhere in the Bible does it say that a rainbow is for anything other than a covenant between us and the Lord.  A covenant that He would not flood the earth again (like He did in Noah's time).  There is nowhere that it said He would use it as a sign to confirm His calling on any of our lives- He uses His word to confirm His calling...He uses His word, the entire thing, to guide our lives- to teach us how to live and how to make wise decisions.  He uses His Word to teach us right from wrong and how to stand firm and not compromise. 

Matt and I made an error that day.  We spoke for God in a way that did not line up with scripture.
Each time I see a rainbow I am reminded to run to God's Word for His truth- To be careful that I am wanting something so badly I claim 'Jesus' when really it is the desperate longing for my own way.

Below is the rainbow I have been telling you about...When I took the picture, I thought it was going to be for our daughter to see when she was older- the sign God gave us that we were called to adopt her.
I was wrong
and
God was right
our birth mother Heather was 8 weeks pregnant with our Ellie at the time
I followed up with the caseworker on the adoption of the baby girl- at the last minute, the little girls mom decided to parent instead of place

Genesis 9:13-16New King James Version (NKJV)

¹³ I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. ¹⁴ It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; ¹⁵ and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. ¹⁶ The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”