In Jan. of 2013 I wrote the following words in the blog post titled Flipping It Around For Second Chances: (Click link to read post)
'God allowed a certain season to come into my life that seemed overwhelming- To be quite honest, I could not believe the intense feelings of anger that started washing over me shortly after this season started. In my mind it was supposed to be a season of 'dreams come true'! I thought I had prepared my heart in a Godly sacrificial way for the season and just needed to sit back and reap the fruit of my Godly preparation and obedience.
I had done no such thing but instead had prepared my heart in 'Stephanie's Ideal Land'.......
I was looking to 'receive' in 'my way' and felt entitled to my expectations- Nobody could tell me different'.
God has used the eye opening conversation I had with my dad that January day to set a foundation for a view change. My view that used to have reflective glasses on that just showed 'me' was stripped away and a bigger picture was before me.........
The biggest realization was that life, while it includes me, is ultimately not even about me....
For the 'what makes me happy' motivated society that I had taken a drivers seat in this was a pretty devastating thought- It was depressing, at first, to realize that my happiness (or at least the pursuit of) was not going to make me happy at all but instead make me miserable in my own self absorption.
When the Lord allowed the stripping away of those self reflective glasses, I was left with the amazing gift of seeing the world through a different perspective...through 'THEE' not 'Me'. I was not in the drivers seat any longer, choosing the road based on happiness but instead a passenger whose driver choose the road based on salvation.....my salvation and the salvation for all who would believe (John 3:16)
It was really overwhelming at first too- I saw so many areas in my life that I have failed in............so many situations that I had chosen my happiness at an unhealthy cost instead of God's way... Along with the overwhelming realization of failure was God's unshakable love (Jer 31:3) and truth that there is no condemnation in Him (Rom 8:1)- He did not allow my eyes to be opened so that shame and guilt over the past would rule in my life but instead for restoration, healing, and ultimately a closer walk with Him.
The choice is mine every second of every day-
will I make it all about me- what makes me happy....Will I chose the drivers seat
or will I say 'Lord Jesus it is all about Thee'....Thy road and Thy will....choosing to be a passenger
'Heavenly Father thank you for the gift of sight- A sight that looks beyond self to you...the ultimate giver of happiness- I love you Lord Jesus'
'I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.' (Isaiah 48:17)
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