Expectations, Emotional Fit Throws, and Submission

I have been thinking......(when I write I have been thinking I can hear Matt's voice saying 'there you go- thinking again : )
Why is it that I can thrive in one area that is extremely difficult but struggle to the point of near failure in another difficult situation?
The two most recent comparisons I have is our move to Hawaii and our adoption.............
Both were life altering- both were thought through- both were hoped for- both required a step of faith....

I have blogged a very small part of how difficult the legal aspect was of our adoption- It seemed at every turn in our adoption story there was a TOUGH challenge.......while the tough challenges at some points threatened to over whelm me they never did- I felt God's protection and strength as strong as ever every minute of our Journey.
I have blogged a very small part of how difficult living in Hawaii was for me- While my boys thrived I seemed to fall deeper and deeper into one of the loneliest seasons of my life..lonely for comfort, home, familiar- lonely for God
Back to the original question: Why is it that I can thrive in one area that is extremely difficult but struggle to the point of near failure in another?
For me it's submission of my expectations- bending my knee, lifting my hands heavenward and meaning when I say 'my life is your's Lord, do with it this day as you may'-
I put my expectations before my submission when it came to our move to Hawaii.......I submitted by moving but I wanted my way, my comfort zone, me me me me when we got there- I thought that because I submitted and moved God would 'bless me' in the way I wanted- when things did not go according to my expectations I would get on my knees and beg God to help.....He would lay on my heart to 'Be Still...Trust....Reach Out'........BLAH!!! That was the last thing I wanted to do- I wanted to Run away, Fret, and go inside myself and curl up in a ball-
I put submission before my expectation when it came to our adoption process- Over the course of 6 years before we adopted, God used my husband's 'no' to adoption (so that I don't sound unrealistically Holy- please know that I threw some MAJOR embarrassing emotional fits over that 6 year period..It was not until the year before we adopted that I completely submitted)  to mold my heart and shape my expectations to be in line with Him.  We were faced with every possible situation with Ellie's adoption- We faced the very strong possibility that Elle's birth mom Heather was going to choose parenting instead of placing Ellie with our family....I can honestly say that when faced with that my heart still said 'To God Be The Glory'- I wanted God's will more than my will-

Heavenly Father I want to be a woman that submits to whatever you ask of me- A woman that's only expectation is to follow you with my whole heart-  A woman of faith, trust, and maturity....I love you Lord Jesus.