Jodi's Testimony- MUST READ!

With Just 18 months between us and having grown up in the same home, my sister Jodi and I have traveled some road together- While we resemble each other physically, personality wise we often laugh (and sometimes are completely annoyed) at how opposite we are.  It has been both fascinating and incredibly healing to walk back through our past together and talk about how the divorce of our parents and the affects it had on us- As you will read below, Jodi struggled the most with our step dad.........And as I talked about in previous post's, I struggled the most with our real dad........what both stories have in common is hope and healing- Our Heavenly Father reached deep into both of our lives and into the lives of our dad and step dad and Healed.  If your are still living and breathing God is still writing your story.....He's not done yet and wants to bring healing to you too- It's never too late!! There is NOTHING God has allowed in your life that He can not bring beauty from!

Sis- from my heart to your's......sis to sis.......I admire the courage it took to pen this story....the honest transparency......I love you.

Jodi's Story

I was 2 and my sister 6 months when my mom and dad divorced.  I have no memories of my parents ever living together.  My sister and I often talk about how amazing our life would have been had my dad chose to stay faithful, love our mom and raise us.  He was and still is so full of life.  He and I were very, very tight when I was little.  He tells the story of when I was about 3 years old he would drive me home from our weekend together and I would grab hold of his beard and beg him not to leave me.  He said I would be shaking and sobbing begging him not to leave and he would hug and hold me for as long as he could and then tell me he would be back in 5 days to pick me up again.  He would then drive down our driveway watching in his rearview mirror me sobbing on our deck and he would cry the whole way back to his house.  My sister recently asked him how he could walk away from his 3 year old little girl begging him to stay and he said he justified in his mind that it would be better in the long run for us if he left than to stay and be miserable and not love our mother.  He has only had glimpses into what my life became when he made that decision to walk away.  The enemy had a plan and he succeeded when my dad walked out.

John 10: 10 “The Devil's purpose is to steal, kill and destroy.  My purpose is to give life in all it's fullness.”

But the Lord didn't take His hand off our life or turn His back during that time.  He had angels surrounding us, protecting us where our dad had abandoned.  He had a plan...a plan for my life, a plan for my sister's life, a plan for my mom's life...a plan that would defeat the enemies plan of destruction. 

Romans 8: 28 “And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans”.

My little world continued in that way until I was about 10 years old.  My dad would pick me up on a Friday afternoon and I would spend all weekend with him.  He taught me everything from driving a car, to tying my shoes, to brushing my tongue.  My world was all about my dad.  We would spend hours together at auction houses buying cattle, spend countless hours in the coffee shop talking about life issues.  He taught me how to stand up for what I believed in and not to be intimidated when someone disagreed with me.  He was my best friend.  I believe that is where my relationship with the Lord was established in such an intimate way.  I understood the intimacy and joy of being with my earthly father and it easily transferred to my Heavenly Father in my later years.  But, Sunday nite always came and with it a death to my little soul.  I would spend the next 3 days crying and missing my dad sooooo much.  On Wednesday afternoons after school I would sit by the phone an hr before he was to call and not let anyone use it just in case he called early.

My mom remarried when I was 5 and I gained 2 step sisters...Tasha and Petra.  Tasha was my age and Petra was Stephanie's age so we became good friends quickly.  My step dad was not a nice man.  He would play these games with my sister and I that would leave us scared and helpless.  One time he pinned me on the floor with his legs holding down my arms and was tickling me so hard I was crying.  My sister was scared for me and grabbed a record and threw it at him and split his head open.  He grabbed her by the neck and threatened her if she ever did anything like that again.  Another time he took us to the YMCA to swim and he played this game where he would touch his feet to the bottom of the deep end and hold our legs.  Our heads would just be under water and when we kicked he would let us up.  He did it with his daughters and they had so much fun so Steph and I wanted a turn.   He didn't play like that with us.  When we kicked he wouldn't let us go up for air.  He waited till he couldn't hold his breath any longer and then he came up.  I remember choking and crying and telling him he almost drowned me.  He just laughed and told me I needed to learn to hold my breath longer.  He stole money out of my bank acct that my Grandma had started.  He took the doors off our bedroom and bathrooms to put on the homes he was building.  He racked up hundred's of thousands of dollars in debt.  He also had many, many affairs on my mom and police were always at our house looking for him b/c he owed so much money to the businesses in town. They divorced 3 years later and I no longer saw my step sisters.  I don't believe that relationship had much impact in a negative way on me because I was so close to my dad and my step dad never interfered with that.  So come or go I didn't really care b/c I already had a dad.  We did lose our home b/c of all the debt and my mom had to file bankruptcy.  I was 8 years old when this happened.

When I was 5, the same year my mom married my step dad, my little brother Chris was born to my Dad and his girlfriend.  Two years later my dad and my now stepmom had another little boy...Levi.  So now I had 2 little step brothers that I would see every weekend.  I adored them.

My life changed drastically when I turned 10.  My mom remarried for the 3^rd time, my dad moved away and he and my step mom divorced.  My new step dad LOVED control.  He had to control everything and he was joyless.  He would sit in “HIS” chair and dictate to my sister and I.  We were his little robots that were not to get in his way or touch “HIS” stuff and the entire house was his b/c he bought it.  If he was in a bad mood...which was pretty much everyday he would tell us to get out of his presence...meaning go to our room with the door closed until he left.  He made me call him “dad” the first 2 years of my parents marriage and if I didn't he would spank me b/c it was disrespect and disobedience.  I didn't call him anything and gladly took the spanking b/c I would not give him the satisfaction of being called dad...which he was not.   Anything I talked about was stupid and I didn't know what I was saying.  My mom was so hungry to make this marriage work that she would just say, “Jodi...you have 8 more years in this house and then you can leave...I have a lifetime so please make it work.”  “Read your Bible, Jodi, the Lord can bring you so much comfort”.  So I read my Bible and prayed for the Lord to kill my step-dad.  I HATED him.  He also did not like the close relationship I had with my dad and did everything he could to destroy it.  He ripped a picture off my wall of my dad and I, he would only let me spend every other holiday with him, he spoke horribly about my dad.  My entire world had changed.  BUT the Lord had a plan...

Gen 50:20 “But as for you, ye thought evil against me: but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.”

  Joseph spoke these words to his brothers when they realized he had become the ruler in Egypt. They feared for their lives b/c they had sold him into slavery 15 years before.  What the enemy meant for evil the Lord changed into good.  I didn't understand it then but the Lord was drawing me to Him through this time in my life.

My junior high years were miserable at home but wonderful everywhere else.  I was a cheerleader and played all the sports at Grace Christian.  I was in all the honor classes, brain bowl, and took 2^nd place in the spelling competition.  Unknowingly, I also met my husband my 7^th grade year at school.  We became good friends and our friendship continued thru our high school and college years.

My freshman year at Cascade began in September of 1988.  My world was about to be turned upside down.  I quickly became Freshman class Representative, joined varsity basketball and volleyball, was on the Christian service club and I gained a best friend.   To protect her identity I will call her Sarah.  She was a Senior.  She was the most fun person and I loved being around her.  She was full of joy and life and she lived around the corner from me.  She was incredible at sports and being that I played volleyball, basketball and softball and there were only 60 students in the entire school we were together 24/7.  My personality became more outgoing and I remember one of my teachers, Mrs. M, telling me that I was one of the most popular girls in the school at that time.  It was amazing.  Mrs. M was also becoming a HUGE part of my life.  She took me under her wing and became a big sister...speaking truth and love into my life.  She was very very perceptive and could see the pain I was hiding behind.  She knew I had a heart to serve the Lord and wanted to protect me from making stupid decisions.  She was my Freshman Home Room teacher, my volleyball and basketball coach and I wanted to become what she was.  She had a husband who adored her, she was smart, she saved herself until marriage, she was a leader and served the Lord and it radiated from her.  I spent many, many weekends at her apartment just hanging out with her, she would tell me stories about her relationship with Brian, she would tell me things she regretted and how she kept her relationship close with the Lord.  She also saw the danger I was about to walk into b/c of my relationship with Sarah and she wanted to protect me from it.   Sarah had an older brother who was 18.  He reminded me a lot of my dad.  He was tall and to me good-looking (my sister thought he was a “dog”).  He was full of life, athletic, like to talk to me and I was enamored that an 18 year old would take notice of me.  My parents soon found out that Sarah had an older brother and banned me from seeing her and her whole family until I was 18.  At the time I thought it was ridiculous and another thing my stepfather was controlling.  Sarah's family loved me.  Her parents thought I was amazing and her dad wanted me as his daughter.  There was always laughter, life, games, just plain fun at their house.  A strong-hold was forming and it would cost me dearly. The enemy had a plan...he was waging war on a 14 year old girls heart and filling her with lies and deception.  The Lord had a bigger plan but He would not force His plan on me. I had to choose His plan.  I chose to honor my parents b/c I understood the verse in

Ephesians 6 that says, “Honor your father and mother.  This is the 1^st of God's 10 Commandments that ends with a promise.  And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing.”

 I knew in my head that I needed to honor and obey my parents wishes but my heart waged a tug of war. A stronghold had started, a battle begun b/w choosing the Lord's way or my way.  I chose to wait until I was 18 to visit or see Sarah.

Three years went by and now I was a Senior.  I didn't think much about Sarah and her brother anymore.  I was geared up for College and getting grants and scholarships.  I turned 18 on March 1^st of my Senior year, 1992.

About a week after my birthday I heard that Sarah's brother had been in an automobile accident and was fighting for his life.  I started to pray for him on a daily basis and started to remember the fun times I had enjoyed 3 years prior.  He came home from the hospital...he was 22 and I 18...and I went to visit him.  He hadn't seen me in 3 years and was immediately attracted to me.  I was guarded b/c I wanted to obey the Lord knowing He used my parents to direct me but I missed the acceptance and love that I felt from his family.  We started dating when I graduated and my heart began to change.  I was falling in love with him.  He was winning my heart.  I knew it was wrong b/c my parents were still so adamantly against my relationship with him or his family but I didn't care anymore.  I remember driving over to his house and audibly telling the Lord that I had honored Him and done it His way for the last 3 years and my life was still miserable.  I was going to put Him on the back burner of my life and do things my way.  I knew I would get hurt but the fun and joy I would experience until then would be all worth it.   Little did I understand the terrible impact those words would have on my life.  

1 Peter 5:8 “Be careful—watch out for attacks from satan, your great enemy.  He prowls around like a hungry, roaring lion, looking for some victim to tear apart.”

I graduated from High School and became “unofficially” engaged to Sarah's brother.  I cancelled my enrollment 1 week before class was to start at George Fox so that I wouldn't have to have a long distance relationship.  My family and friends were shocked and very disappointed. 

I enrolled into our local University to appease my family and continued in my relationship with Sarah's brother.  In November of that year I did the thing I never, never dreamed or thought I would ever do.  I slept with him.  I didn't want to .  I was horrified.  I was shamed.  I couldn't believe I let that happen.  Satan rejoiced.  I had fallen victim to his plan to his scheme for my life. 

Lamentations 1:14 “He wove my sins into ropes to hitch me to a yoke of slavery.  He sapped my strength...I am helpless..For all these things I weep: tears flow down my cheeks.  My Comforter is far away---He who alone could help me.  My children have no future;  we are a conquered land...See, O Lord, my anguish; my heart is broken and my soul despairs, for I have terribly rebelled.

I began to believe the lies of the enemy...that I was not worthy of God's best, that I had walked away from the Lord and now my life would be full of pain and regrets. The enemy had a stronghold over my heart and mind.  Only the Lord could reach down and break the strongholds that had paralyzed my mind and heart.  I cried out to Him and begged Him to set me free.  I didn't know how. 

Lamentations 3:21 “YET THERE IS ONE RAY OF HOPE: HIS COMPASSION NEVER ENDS

The Lord had a plan:

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest....I will be found by you, and I will end your slavery and restore your fortunes”.

January of 1994 a prayer meeting was held to intercede for my life.  I had become so entrenched in the dysfunction of Sarah and her brother's family.  He had moved on to other women and I was still trying to move on with my life yet unable to.  It was debilitating on multiple levels.  At the prayer meeting a lady had a 1 way ticket to Denver Colorado and her daughter had just moved home from serving as a missionary with YWAM Denver.  God had intervened.  He had compassion and mercy on me.  He wanted to rescue me out of the muck and mire I had created and give me a new life in Him.  I only had to follow. 

Ps 119:9 “How can a young man stay pure?  By reading your Word and following it's rules”

Three days later I was in Denver Colorado starting the Discipleship Training School at the YWAM base.  My healing and restoration was beginning.  After my DTS I took the Leadership Training School and continued serving on staff for 3 years.  I came home December 1996, fell in love with my husband the summer of 1997 and we were married December 12 1998.  We have been married for 13 ½ years and have 4 children with #5 on the way.  The Lord is faithful and just to cleanse us from all of our unrighteousness and to lead us on His path for our lives if we allow.

Ps 119:59-60 “With all my heart I want your blessings...I thought about the wrong direction in which I was headed, and turned around and came running back to you.

Vs 65 “Lord, I am overflowing with your blessings, just as you promised...For your laws are my guide...They are more valuable to me than millions in silver and gold.”

Thank you for letting me share,

Jodi

My sister Jodi, her husband Gage, and 4 children (plus 1 on the way!)