when comfort zone fades off into your idealistic sunset....

I was e-mailing my friend Julie this morning- Julie and I met while our family was living on Kauai....It's always a blessing when distance does not separate a friendship- When 3000 miles and busy lives don't divide....our common ground started with my Ry and her Isaiah during their 5th grade year at Wilcox Elementary...Soon our family was doing things with their family and wasn't long after that- that Julie and I found our place...friends

This e-mail found Julie and I, among other things, catching up on life- I was describing a certain situation going on...even as each typed letter made it's way onto the computer screen, I was sorting the situation out in my mind- sorting out the words- sorting out truth.

'As you know, each day is a gift- if we are still breathing then it is God's will that we are living..'

As I clicked 'send' on the e-mail there was still a bit of time before everyone was up- not wanting to waste the quite time, I grabbed my Bible and current Bible Study book (A Women's Heart- God's Dwelling Place) and started week 4's day 5...within a paragraph of day 5 the author asks that we read Psalm 84 aloud.  As my voice found verses 5 and 6 I knew the truth I was looking for had been found.  My 'opinion', 'feelings', 'judgments' faded and in it's place God's Word Spoke right into my soul...

'Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
    they make it a place of springs;    the autumn rains also cover it with pools.'

The situation I was describing to Julie was found in someone else's life...a life with defeat and depression wrapped around it.  A life that was dealt a difficult blow- time and time again....some chosen and some of those difficult blows the Lord allowed. 
Making sense of one's hard times- those that are not our own....summing up how they handled them (or lack there of) is a common denominator among us- Usually for the purpose of inspiration....inspiration of what 'to do' or inspiration of what 'not to do'- Sometimes as we are sizing the situation up it causes us to question ourselves- The questioning leading either to pride or to fear, causing our faith to quake....
'I would never respond or act like them'...sit down pride
'What if I couldn't handle the situation and freaked out just as they did'....rise up faith

Over the past 5 years, my own life has taken some twists and turns of it's own-
4 moves
A lonely season that left me with a range of emotions to sort through- the strongest of which is anger
Adrenal Fatigue
My Matt pulling 70 hour work weeks...day after day....month after month
Our oldest graduating from High School and facing the season of 'letting go'
Our Middle battling Lyme Disease
Our Youngest finding herself basking in the terrible 2's
This is the tip of the iceberg.....the stuff I feel at peace to share....

As comfort zone has inched farther away and perceived control fades off into your idealistic sunset you come to a Y in your life's journey- one way marked 'faith' and the other marked 'defeat'....

Psalm 84:5 talks about where we find our strength- the source of our endurance through the good and bad times...verse 5 also describes our hearts needing to be set on a pilgrimage- the understanding that earth is not our home- our home is in heaven where we will spend eternity...in the contrast of eternity our earthly life is but a vapor. Verse 6 talks about going through a 'Valley of Baca'- Translated it means a valley of tears....a valley of hard times- The Lord tells us through this verse that when we go through our hard times we have the option to make it a place of 'springs'.....water makes things grow and thrive.

Matt and I were able to go away this past weekend.  The Lord allowed us some quiet time so that we could just talk- from my heart to his heart and from his heart to mine kind of talking....For some of the conversation I was telling Matt how defeated I was beginning to feel- so much change over the past 5 years...there has been heartache (and blessing) in the change but it is the hard times that seem to be dominating in my mind.  It has becomes easy to breathe in my life but not actually live- Yes, I still love life and others passionately but it is done with the nagging question of:

'is life actually supposed to be this painful- this hard- this un-idealistic'

 

The next question nagging in my mind is the action of choosing faith instead of defeat- What does that look like and how do I take the first step.....

 

'Blessed are those whose strength is in you'- Jesus please forgive me for trying to live life in my own strength, my way and on my terms- please forgive me for expectations that happiness and joy come from a trouble free life

'Whose hearts are set on a pilgrimage' - Heavenly Father thank you that we are just passing through this earth- Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in the here and now- what went on yesterday or today and not keep our eyes focused on the fact that there is life eternal for those that trust in you....a place where there is no suffering, pain, or death- where there is not Ebola :)

'As they pass through the valley of Baca they will make it a place of springs'- Please Lord Jesus, teach me to thrive in the hard times- to rest in you and not run to defeat....please teach me to live in the hard times and not just breathe....Thank you that this is the day that you have made and that you are giving us the choice to rejoice and be glad in it....

 

I love you Dear Lord Jesus and lift up to you every person struggling with defeat, including myself- please wrap your loving arms around us giving us insight, discernment, and wisdom to thrive as we walk through our valley of Baca. 

Amen