Talking Divorce With My Dad Part 2

This is part 2 of the Blog Post Talking Divorce With My Dad.  Yesterday's post ended with:


I had grown up without him and he without me......
Before we get back to the talk my dad and I had,  I wanted to share a few more statistics about divorce:

• Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems.
• Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.
• Children divorce statistics indicate that children of divorced parents are four times more likely to report relational problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact.

Back to talk between my dad and I-
What were we going to do about the gap of 30 years between us- How were we going to pick up and move on?  How was I going to start trusting a man that proved himself untrustworthy?


Forgiveness being first and trust being second.....
The forgiveness could have  stopped at the asking and granting- no deep relationship sought but instead a Godly peace between us and no more......I wanted more than that and I know my dad did too but because of the long ago hurts I could not just hand my heart over- I needed to test the trust worthiness of the relationship- By owning that which he did wrong started the ball rolling in me trusting him- His willingness to allow me to ask ANY question and his transparent answers that do not hold even a hint of reserve opened the door to being able to understand all that had gone on and the reasoning behind it-  


Realizing that my dad is human and giving him grace and forgiveness when he fails and for past failures....
If my children gave me no grace or forgiveness I would be in big trouble because I have failed so many times as a parent.  A difference between my dad and I, as parents, is that my dad had failed right out of the gate, before any relationship had been established between us- In my mind this entitled me to look down on him and hold resentment.  God says different.......Forgive, Don't let bitterness take root, show grace to each other- Trust that God knew what my dad's actions would be and covered my sisters, brother's, and I and allowed nothing that He (God) could not ultimately use for His glory!


God will never fail, abandon, or let me down
This takes the pressure off my dad to be perfect and meet every need I have- Earthly father's are so important BUT my Heavenly Father is even more important- He is the one who ultimately will never let me down- He is the one who gives me the strength to make it through each day- 


The gap of 30 years gone by between my dad and I was breached by 2 arms spread wide and hands nailed to Calvary's cross........Christ shedding his blood for our sins....Rom. 5:8 While we were yet sinners Christ died for our sins.......He bore the weight of my dad's decision to walk out and my decision to become bitter and angry on the cross- He redeemed our decisions from the pit of hell and then rose to victory with our redemption!  Picking up and moving on for us looks like 2 people sitting at the foot of the cross in appreciation of all that Christ has done for us- None better or worse than the other.....In Christ we are equal and forgiven- That's how the Lord restores the years the locusts ate- He took the human facts (my dad was not at my birth, he was not there when I took my first steps, he did not walk me down the aisle etc..) and trumps them with Godly facts (Christ died on the cross for our sins....we have all sinned.....etc..) and shows us grace.  Grace in that my dad and I do not need to focus on the 'before's' but instead we get to focus on the amazing healing God has given us both!


Thank you for sitting at the foot of the cross with me dad- Forgive yourself and pick up your head that is hung in shame.........you have grandchildren and children that need you.......You have a Godly legacy to live!!