14 Months Old

At 14 Months old Ellie is:

• 17 lbs. 13 oz. 
• 28 inches long
• Has 5 teeth, 2 bottoms and 3 uppers
• Walking everywhere (started walking on 8/12)
• Is weaned off of formula and just started drinking 2% milk- From what I've heard, it is recommended that children under 2 drink whole milk- Ellie does not like it at all so we have resorted to 2% for now.
• Eating 3 meals a day plus 3-4/ 6 oz bottles
• Loves Otter Pops- If we allow, she will eat 3-4 in one sitting (she only gets them outside because as they start melting THEY GET EVERYWHERE!)
• Finally started saying 'ma-ma' but will mostly call me 'ma'- She also started saying 'ouch'
• Loves playing with my shoes (Steph) and helping unload the dishwasher :)
• Still wearing 6-9 months clothes
• Takes 1 nap a day usually sleeping for 3 hours
• Wears size 3 diapers
• Does not eat baby food anymore but will eat (only in smaller portions and cut up way smaller than ours) anything we eat.

Welcoming McKenzie......(She's 34 feet and 10,000 lbs.!!)

It's been a year in the talking......do we get a travel trailer or a boat?  We've gone back and forth- Me saying boat and the boys saying travel trailer- Matt has stayed neutral in the whole discussion........that is his way of saying he was fine with either-
I knew what a travel trailer would mean......... CAMPING.......
My boys LOVE to camp/hunt/fish/anything outdoorsy
Matt really likes all the above too-
My friend Deb once gave me a key chain that pretty much sums up my feelings- It read:
I love NOT camping.........

What to do.........hummmm..........
I knew I was out voted (as far as getting a boat) so I started doing research on RV'S- What would be a compromise- Camping for my boys but doing it with the comforts of home.........
 
When the link for this particular 5th Wheel came up I grabbed Matt and went to go see-
He thought it was over the top and would be a pain in the neck to haul around (It's 34 feet long and weighs 10,000 lbs.) but was courteous enough to give me that 'what do you think' look mid way through the showing- double thumbs up babe!! Matt couldn't have cared less if we got it or not- his practical nature was not relishing in the beauty I saw- I could see his brain working the longer we looked at it- The only way he was going to drive away with it was if it could make some sort of sense in his mind-
One of Matt's strengths is his financial business sense..........Matt offered the repo gentleman a ridiculously low price- (it was a bank repo that had sat in the repo gentleman's back lot for so long that the impound fees were close to equal to what the RV was worth- to settle the impound fees the bank signed the RV over to repo gentleman). 

Welcome to the family 1999 McKenzie Monoco- This mamma is happy to have you :)

Below are pictures I copied and pasted from the ad-



A Recipe You Will Not Want To Miss! (Food on my mind)

If you could read my thoughts in order of priority it would go something like this:
God
My Family
Food ties with my Friends (I love you my friends BUT I really love my food too....... :) :)  One of the best ways to spend time with my friends is hanging out eating with them!

My friend Holly, who lives in Maui, once planned a vacation to her neighbor island Honolulu JUST FOR THE FOOD...she had mapped out every good restaurant or bakery and had a plan to hit up each one- I then got her list of 'good food places' and made a trip over to Honolulu myself (I was living on Kauai)- I did get a bit distracted by the Ala Moana Mall but was still able to get some of that great food! (She also taught me that when it comes to food 'Butter makes it better'...so so so true Holly B.......Butta' indeed makes it better)
My sister in law and I once made Matt drive 3 hours out of our way so that we could buy an eclair..It was worth every second in the car (and the 3 hour drive back)
This past spring we took a trip back East- While my words were speaking out 'Our boys will get to see Washington D.C.- my what an educational experience that will be' my heart was shouting 'I'm really going back because I think the Amish families are outstanding cooks and I was to eat up as much of their food as I can'- It was no surprise to me when I came home, stepped on the scale and had gained 5 pounds.....BRING IT BABY!!!
The list could go on but I will spare you the stories......at least in this post- I am sure they will all come out sometime on this blog :)

Last night my boys were swimming with my mom, Matt was working the night shift, and Ellie had gone to bed early- I was sitting on my couch pondering what to do.....DUH.......cook something YUMMY-
I made Matt's family's cinnamon rolls recipe and topped them with butter/orange frosting- O.MY.GOODNESS.......YES PLEASE!
For those that share my love of food this recipe is for you......

In your bread maker on the 'dough' setting combine:
1.5 C warm water
3 TBS Butter
1 egg
1 tsp salt (I usually do 1.5 tsp salt)
1 TBS Sugar
3.5 Cups Flour
I put it in the bread maker in the order I wrote it out- I then add 1 packet of active dry yeast to the top of the flour- I made a bit of a well in the center of the flour (I think it's about 2 tsp of yeast)

When dough cycle is complete take dough out and roll out into large rectangle-
Melt 1/2 C butter and spread over the rolled out dough (the butter will seem thick- while it is cooking and when the cinnamon rolls come out of the oven they will be floating in the butter- the butter is quickly absorbed into the cinnamon roll and when it mixes with the brown sugar mixture makes a  bit of a caramel type bottom)
sprinkle brown sugar and powdered sugar mixed generously over butter
sprinkle cinnamon over that
roll up and slice into 1.5 inch sections

Place in 9x13 GREASED dish
I do not let mine rise but if you choose this option set in a warm place and let rise about 1/2 hr.
Bake 350 for about 30 minutes

While cinnamon rolls are still warm (but not super hot) frost with:

this is more about look then exact measurements-
about 3 C. powdered sugar
about 5 TBS. melted butter
about 3 TBS. frozen orange juice concentrate
Mix with an electric mixer until desired consistency

Hope you had a great Tues.

Steph

p.s. Jessica thank you for coming over and enjoying these with me!
p.s.s. Meagan E. this post is passionately dedicated to your 'Meatless Mon.' :)

 p.s.s.s- so that I do not get any e-mails that someone is alarmed that friends and food ties in my priority list- I am simply being dramatic and my friends really do come above food......at least I think they do :)

Milestones and Memories (Walking and Dry Heaving)

We've had an 'Ellie' milestone this week-
Ellie started walking past Sun. (Aug. 12)- Elle's spent some time with her cousin Claire (my cousin Becca and Luke had their daughter Claire 3 weeks after Ellie was born)- Claire is walking...........I could see it all over my girls face..She was taking in the fact that Claire was making her way around walker-free as Ellie was walking around in her walker- Ellie watched Claire for several minutes and then carried on walking around in her walker- When we got home later that afternoon, Ellie was standing against a foot stool in our living room- Instead of sitting down so that she could crawl around she simply let go and took off for the other side of the room in a bit of a run- She made it a ways and fell- She practiced most of the week and by Thurs. she was a lot steadier on her feet :)
Ellie Marie, you have joined the walking group of girls that was born right around the same time you were.....Lilly, Jayme, and Claire- Next will be Ellie's cousin Linnea' who just turned 1!!

hee hee hee hee!!! Now for the memory..........I am writing this down in my blog because it will give me and my family a good laugh (and we've already laughed a ton over this memory) years from now when we are reading it- 
Sat. night Matt and the boys rented the movie The Hatfield's and McCoys- The movie gets pretty intense with a lot of fighting- Matt and I were laying on the ground and my boys were laying on the couch and in the chair.......Oklie (my Shih Tzu) was laying in between Matt and I all snuggled down- she was closer to Matt than to me and laying by his stomach....During one of the really intense fighting scenes Matt let one rip- It was silent but deadly......right after, Oklie brought her head up and sniffed (the next part is completely true)- right after she sniffed she started dry heaving- From when she brought her head up and sniffed to when she started dry heaving we all smelled what she smelled and figured out really quick why she was dry heaving........I thought she was going to throw up so I jumped up and opened our slider so she could go outside- she ran outside and dry heaved a couple more times.......when she was done she calmly walked back inside and slept on the other side of the room as Matt :) :) :)

Claire and Ellie last Sun.

Precious Claire



Ellie's first walk- Ryan was holding his i pod up for her to walk to- She was able to walk to it, hold it, and walk
it over to Oklie's water dish and drop it in.........the i pod is now one of Ellie's toys because once it hit the water it broke- Sorry bout that Ryno!!

Eli and Elle's :)

Operation Family Restoration!!

This past weekend marked the 4th semi-annual family reunion (every 2 years) with my brothers and sisters. My sister Jodi and I share the same mom (Ellie), My sister Anne Loree's mom is Karen, and my brothers Chris and Levi's mom is Tania.  We all share the same dad Rick........

Our Family Story is Dysfunctionally Common

Divorce

Broken Family

Bitterness

'See I am doing a new thing; now it is starting; will you not take note of it?  I will even make a way in the waste land, and rivers in the dry country' Isaiah 43:19

I first read this verse when I was 30 years old (2005)- Trying to work through the bitterness I had towards my dad-   After reading it I immediately thought of my family....'Heavenly Father could rivers actually reach the dry country of devastation divorce and bitterness had caused'- In the margin of my Bible, I wrote out a prayer begging God to restore my family-

Healing

Hope

Forgiveness



The road has not been easy for any of us- My parents included......It's tough work cutting through dry ground (letting God sift through the bitterness, anger, resentment, baggage and bring His truth into it) so that water can flow (God's truth trumping the ugly with healing and forgiveness). The complete healing of my family came shortly after that prayer in 2005.....none of us perfect, all scarred in our own way- BUT the river has reached our dry country ........

How fitting that this years family pictures were taken with a flowing stream behind us, greenry all around- How fitting that some of the pictures were also taken while we were sitting on a bridge letting the water pass under our feet........

What an amazing reminder that Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

 He can indeed restore unto us the years the locust have eaten (Joel 2:25)

and He longs to make beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3)

(Thank You Cloudy Day Photography for these pictures)

Left to Right...Jodi, Anne Loree, my dad, me, Levi, Chris

My dad with his grandkids

Adoption Questions Answered part 4 of 4

I (Steph) was thinking about adoption- Specifically, how much trust is asks of both the Birth Parents and the Prospective Adoptive Parents- A birth mom has to trust a person/persons that they most likely have never spent anytime with and possibly never met (usually only 'met' by way of a book we put together with a profile of our family for birth parents to look at) until just before their baby is born.  They are asked to trust that what the adoptive parents present about themselves is actually true.  They are also asked to trust the prospective adoptive parents with a lifetime of raising their biological child- A child that has grown inside of them for months and months.  They are asked to process all of this while pregnancy hormones are multiplying by the day, conflicting emotions about their choice fight for their attention, differing opinions from family members are voiced, etc.. all the while trusting that it is going to be ok......SO MUCH PRESSURE!

The adoptive parents have to spend, in most cases, an enormous amount of time, emotional energy, and money trusting that a birth mother is going to choose them and then trusting that the attorneys/agencies/etc. have the best interest of their adoption in mind ... all along trusting their birth mom is comfortable with her decision to place....they are also trying to ready their home for the precious child, educate their extended family about 'proper adoption terms', calm their own fears and emotions regarding all the possible 'what if's'.....trusting all the while that it is all going to be ok............SO MUCH PRESSURE!

Adoption asks an incredible amount of trust from both the birth mom and the adoptive parents.......an unusual amount of trust right up front- Before the placement takes place.....
Then when you add 'open' to your adoption it brings a whole new level of trust to the table- The birth parents are needing to trust that what the adoptive parents say they will do.....they will indeed do (i.e. if letters, pictures, visits, etc.. are discussed and committed to trust is required on the birth parents part that the adoptive parents will follow through etc..).  The Adoptive Parents are needing to trust that the birth parents are comfortable with their decision to place therefor will not be invasive about the expectations they have on the adoptive parents (i.e. in most cases, it is probably not realistic to think that the birth parents will be in contact with the adoptive parents or the child daily or even weekly) nor will they  (the birth parents) seek to get their child back..........

The above being said, we are down to the last 2 questions:

Why did you choose an open adoption?

Both Matt and I believe that Ellie has the right to know, if possible, who her biological family is- We believe, when she is old enough to decide, she should be able to choose what type of relationship she has with them- In the meantime we (Matt and I) have the priveledge of nurturing the relationship with Elle's biological family until she makes the choice for herself. 
I (Steph) originally chose a closed adoption (when we first started our adoption process- before we were matched with our birth mom Heather) and then quickly realized that my decision was based on noting other than fear-  After much prayer and honesty with myself about the reasons for wanting a closed adoption- plus reading several books, talking to others that had been adopted, and education classes offered by our adoption agency I was passionate that if possible an open adoption would be best for our family.  Matt was open to either (closed or open) but leaned toward semi-open (meaning if nothing else that we would have contact info and every once in awhile contact with birth parents) if it was possible.

Are you ever worried that Ellie's Birth Parents will want her back?

When I asked Matt this question he said this has not worried him at all.  I appreciate so much that our birth mom Heather, since making her decision to sign the placement papers after Ellie was born, has never given any sort of indication that she would like Ellie back- I also appreciate so much that she would take the time to share her heart about the subject (see this BLOG POST). 
I would be lying if I said I have never worried about it- Do I let the worry consume me.....absolutely not- It goes back to trust....trusting our birth mom Heather, trusting God, trusting the State of Oregon and the State of Hawaii's Adoption laws that are in place for this very thing.......

Thank you again for the questions!!

Matt and Steph



Ellie and her friend Kailynn enjoying chocolate cake for Breakfast one morning last week :)

Our Birth Mother Heather Shares

One of the many positive things about open adoption is the communication we get to have with our birth mom Heather.  Before we go any further I do want to say that prior to sharing this blog post I asked permission from Heather- Both Heather and I are on the same page in that if something in our adoption story will help others in the same situation and if we both agree the sharing will not hurt Ellie in the future when she is able to understand adoption at a deeper level- than it gets shared with others.  As in any adoption, there is information/stories/history that will only be shared between Heather, Matt, and I- Ellie will know her adoption story in it's entirety when she can understand and it will be her choice what she shares (although we do talk about Heather even now to Ellie......Ellie just discovered her belly button- I tell her that her 'button' had a cord that was attached to her birth mom Heather when she was in her tummy.......can Elle's understand this- not yet BUT someday she will.  I really appreciate the advise a close friend of mine, who is the mommy of 3 little adopted blessings told me- she talks about her children's adoption from the time they are very little- she feels this makes it normal/natural to talk about as they get older.)

The most asked question I get when people hear we have an open adoption is:

Are you ever worried that Ellie's Birth Parents will want her back?

I will share my answer along with Matt's in the next blog post- Today's post is between Ellie and Heather (a post that Heather graciously allowed to be shared)

For a little history on what it was like when Heather signed our placement papers see HERE

Elle's someday you may ask or wonder if your birth mom Heather ever wanted you back after she placed you with daddy and I....Here is what she had to say:

'I love being part of your lives- I chose adoption.  I'm sure I could have found someone willing to take temp. custody of Ellie...and I do want my child with me.  I imagine how life would be with you Ellie BUT even if everything was perfect to have you with me, who am I to come into your life and say 'I'm ready to be your mom now' and rip you away from the mother you know, the one who has taken care of your every need.  I chose adoption from the beginning because I do not want you to feel the impact anymore than you already have.  A mother is someone that loves and cares for a child- fulfilling your every need, forming an intense bond.  I would not ever want you (Ellie) to loose that.  Taking you away from the mother (Steph) you know is not an option for me- That is why you are not in someones temp. custody.'

Thank you Heather for your bravery in sharing something so close to your heart- We love you...

Adoption Questions Answered part 3 of 4

Is it hard having older children and a baby? 

It is hard in that we have to be creative in thinking through activities we can do as a family of 5- Because the age gap of our children is so spread out- Ellie, still being in the baby phase (needing naps and a bedtime that is in the single digits) and Eli and Ryan being teenage boys that love spending time outdoors (dirt bike riding, boating, hunting, etc..)- At this point, We do not do a ton of stuff outside of our home (we sit around talking and hanging out outside with Ellie running around in her walker a lot when we are home) as the 5 of us.  We know this will change as Elle's gets a bit older. 

How did you know for sure you wanted another child- was it just wanting a girl or did you know your family was not complete?

(Matt) Stephanie kept bringing the subject of another child up (for 6 years before we began pursuing adoption)- finally I realized that my reasons for not wanting to adopt (we were young when we had our boys and I wanted to enjoy time with just Steph and I while we were still young empty nesters-plus not wanting another child because Ryan was so sick when he was little and I did not want to go through that again) were selfish.  If we could help a child's life by having it join our family I knew that is what God wanted my family to do.  I was open to either a girl or a boy- I thought a girl would be fun because we did not have one but would have been just as content having a boy.

(Steph) When I first started bringing adoption up to Matt it was a combo of feeling like a child was missing from our family and I wanted a girl- Because I knew that we were FOR SURE missing a child from our family- I figured that adoption would ensure I could get the girl I've always dreamed about (so humbling to admit that last sentence because of my immature thinking).  Over the 6 years of hearing Matt say 'no' to adoption, God worked on my heart and showed me that I was trying to have things 'my way' and not submit our adoption to His will for our lives.  I literally held my hands up and said 'Lord, our adoption story is yours- do with it what you may- May it be you and you alone that Has the Glory in it.'  I said this to God because I thought I was handing Him the rights to take the desire to adopt out of my heart because of Matt's resistance to have another child.  It was right after that Matt told me he was on board to adopt and we started our adoption process- I still really wanted a little girl but knew very clearly if God choose for us differently (we once even had our profile shown to a birth mom that did not know what she was having- but our emphasis throughout our whole adoption process to both our agency and attorney was 'girl') I would be 100% content with either.

Is it hard loving a child that is not biologically yours?

(Matt) Matt is not sitting here with me as I write this but I did ask him last night if he thinks it is difficult loving a child that is not biologically his- His response was that this was something he wondered before we adopted- What it would be like especially because he is not a 'kid person'- He said he thought about it up until he walked into the hospital room and saw Ellie for the first time- He said he has never thought about it since and loves her sometimes more than he loves our boys (hee!)

(Steph) I have so many thoughts on attaching/loving a child that is not biologically one's own- Can it be difficult........oh yes- I have had conversations with both friends and acquaintances that the love for their adopted child was either difficult to come by or maybe did not feel the same as the love transpired between they and their biological children. Again, each situation and adoption is so unique that I never want to perceivably 'flaut' that loving a child (either biologically or adopted) is always easy- I will say that while it may not be easy- IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE- I believe that Love is a choice not a feeling (feelings will a lot of times follow the choice).
I choose to love Ellie and Heather by way of God's Strength the minute I opened the e-mail from our attorney that contained Information about Heather (the e-mail was so that Matt and I could decide whether we wanted out profile shown to her or not)- I didn't love them in my own strength but instead with a love that God gave me because I had surrendered our adoption story over to Him- He (God) was writing the story not me-
I also had to face the reality that Heather may not like/love me and Ellie may grow up and seeth with resentment at me for the simple fact I am not her biological mom- This is risky as a mother to an adopted child- do you risk it all and give your love without holding back (so much easier said than done)- I have chosen to Love without holding back (again, with God's strength) which makes it possible to say that I love Ellie as my own flesh and blood- loving her comes very natural, not something that I have to stop and think about- I also love Heather as I do my own siblings- the love feels a lot like that of a sister.

Ellie holding a card that her birth mom Heather Sent for her 1st Birthday

I know this blog post is long but the below is so worth the read-  My friend Janelle recently sent me this (she had seen it on another friends facebook wall)
An Adoptee’s Perspective: 10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know

1. Adoption is not possible without loss. Losing one’s birth parents is the most traumatic form of loss a child can experience. That loss will always be a part of me. It will shape who I am and will have an effect on my relationships—especially my relationship with you.

2. Love isn’t enough in adoption, but it certainly makes a difference. Tell me every day that I am loved—especially on the days when I am not particularly lovable.

3. Show me—through your words and your actions—that you are willing to weather any storm with me. I have a difficult time trusting people, due to the losses I have experienced in my life. Show me that I can trust you. Keep your word. I need to know that you are a safe person in my life, and that you will be there when I need you and when I don’t need you.

4. I will always worry that you will abandon me, no matter how often you tell me or show me otherwise. The mindset that “people who love me will leave me” has been instilled in me and will forever be a part of me. I may push you away to protect myself from the pain of loss. No matter what I say or do to push you away, I need you to fight like crazy to show me that you aren’t going anywhere and will never give up on me.

5. Even though society says it is PC to be color-blind, I need you to know that race matters. My race will always be a part of me, and society will always see me by the color of my skin (no matter how hard they try to convince me otherwise). I need you to help me learn about my race and culture of origin, because it’s important to me. Members of my race and culture of origin may reject me because I’m not “black enough” or “Asian enough”, but if you help arm me with pride in who I am and the tools to cope, it will be okay. I don’t look like you, but you are my parent and I need you to tell me—through your words and your actions—that it’s okay to be different. I have experienced many losses in my life. Please don’t allow the losses of my race and culture of origin to be among them.

6. I need you to be my advocate. There will be people in our family, our school, our church, our community, our medical clinic, etc. who don’t understand adoption and my special needs. I need you to help educate them about adoption and special needs, and I need to know that you have my back. Ask me questions in front of them to show them that my voice matters.

7. At some point during our adoption journey, I may ask about or want to search for my birth family. You may tell me that being blood related doesn’t matter, but not having that kind of connection to someone has left a void in my life. You will always be my family and you will always be my parent. If I ask about or search for my birth family, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. I need you to know that living my life without knowledge of my birth family has been like working on a puzzle with missing pieces. Knowing about my birth family may help me feel more complete.

8. Please don’t expect me to be grateful for having been adopted. I endured a tremendous loss before becoming a part of your family. I don’t want to live with the message that “you saved me and I should be grateful” hanging over my head. Adoption is about forming forever families—it shouldn’t be about “saving” children.

9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I may need help in coping with the losses I have experienced and other issues related to adoption. It’s okay and completely normal. If the adoption journey becomes overwhelming for you, it’s important for you to seek help, as well. Join support groups and meet other families who have adopted. This may require you to go out of your comfort zone, but it will be worth it. Make the time and effort to search for and be in the company of parents and children/youth who understand adoption and understand the issues. These opportunities will help normalize and validate what we are going through.

10. Adoption is different for everyone. Please don’t compare me to other adoptees. Rather, listen to their experiences and develop ways in which you can better support me and my needs. Please respect me as an individual and honor my adoption journey as my own. I need you to always keep an open mind and an open heart with regard to adoption. Our adoption journey will never end, and no matter how bumpy the road may be and regardless of where it may lead, the fact that we traveled this road together, will make all the difference.