what the next three days will look like

I don't know if when I get through this season (the pre-reqs to nursing school) whether I will wish I blogged about the experience more or whether I will have wished I hadn't blog about it at all.
Maybe I'll be happy with the amount I blogged about it...
I just don't know.
That being said,
Here's what the next three days will look like...

Tomorrow Liz and I will be doing a weekend of clinical's at our local skilled nursing facility (Nursing Home).  We will complete 10 hours Sat. and 10 hours on Sunday.  When this weekend is over, we will be a little over half way through the CNA class (Graduation will be on Dec. 3 WHOOP!)

Saturday's are shocking.  The smell's (kudos to the makers of Vicks), the early morning (5:45 a.m. start time), and the feelings of facing what getting older brings.  Then there is the reality of sickness and near death while your empathy and compassion are working on overtime and your sanitary skills are on sensory overload (hand washing, gown covers, mask, lots and lots and lots of gloves, etc).
Sunday's are hard- I miss going to church with my family (in my adult life, I've never gone so long without going to church on a Sunday morning- even when we were in Germany for 9 Sunday's, I still managed to find a church- there were Sunday's we listened in German.  I miss the routine of church a lot.  I'm still doing devotions and listening to pod casts all week but it's not the same).
Then, you are done on Sunday afternoon and somehow you feel a sort of accomplishment that you not only survived the weekend but you also learned a few things.
Monday rolls around and you find yourself in a Biology class that is over your head but strangely addicting.  Your brain is constantly funneling new words and trying to grasp foreign concepts and as much as you think it is not going to, all the new ends up somehow sticking- or at least trying to stick.

That's what the next three days will look like on my end
Hope you all have an awesome weekend!!

Here is a (blurry) picture from last weekend.  Saturday night, my brother in law, John and sister in law, Lori were in town from Washington.  We went out to dinner- It was a fun evening.

I think someday we will appreciate these pictures :) :)

make it or break it part 2

I don't have a lot of time to blog (homework is calling my name) but I did want to do a follow up post to my FRIDAY'S POST (I only posted in on Facebook for a bit because I realized that I needed to get the people in the picture's permission prior to posting).

Here is a excerpt from Friday's post (bold italic) and at the bottom of the post I put an update on how the first 20 hours of clinical's went...

Along with enrolling in our community college, Liz and I also signed up for a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) course that is intimidating, rewarding, and intense.  The course is 9 weekends long with a combined total of 180 hours of classroom and clinical time.  During the 9 weeks, we spend 10 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday both in a class room and doing clinical rotations.  The clinical rotations allow us to perform the hands on duties of a CNA on residents at skilled nursing facilities (Nursing Homes).  Currently, with our CNA class, we have completed 40 hours of 'book' time and will begin 40 hours of 'clinical' time in the morning.  We will arrive at a local skilled nursing facility at 5:45 a.m. and leave at 4:15 p.m. both tomorrow and Sunday.

OH MY GOODNESS!

My heart is willing, my mind is terrified, and my gag reflex is strong.  I told the instructor of the CNA course that I will be prouder of myself if I can make it through this course then when I/if graduate from actual nursing school. For me, this weekend will be about facing my own inabilities (handling smells, changing dirty briefs, etc.) and not caving to my gag reflex and the intense desire I get to run from overwhelming situations (smells, etc.).  I told Liz that if I faint from hyperventilating,  just drag me out of the facility and don't let anyone call the ambulance (who wants a bunch of EMT or firemen you know standing over you when your just having a moment of panic?? NOT ME).

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know what God is up to, putting the desire in my heart to pursue nursing.  I could think of many other smarter, more qualified, younger people that would do much better.  But for reasons I don't completely understand, He has called me to this season at this time and is clearly guiding this path.

My gut feeling is that this weekend will be a make it or break it for me.  Even if I can't stomach the clinicals we will be doing and I choose to quit (or if I involuntarily throw up continuously from repetitive gagging and then think about what I am doing and gag some more and then throw up some more and the cycle continues and I have to quit because it is so disruptive to the group- yes, I think this could happen- I know people who, even when talk about things that have grossed them out start gagging- what if I am that person....is there a clinical diagnosis for a repetitive gagger- one that gags continuously for the rest of their life....ahahahaaaaa. I joke.  I hope.  could this happen?), I will still be so thankful for the last 3 weeks and will be able to hold my head high (not feeling like a failure but instead just so thankful for the experience).  If my weak stomach can overcome this clinical, the next hurdle will be passing Biology :)

Here's to a God who places dreams in our hearts we never knew we had and gives us the courage it takes to overcome fears!

P.S. I pray He is a God of blocking offensive smells in our nose too....bahahaaaa!!!

P.S.S. I'm super proud of Liz- She's got a rock solid stomach and some grit.  Those smells don't got nothin' on her!
_________________________________________

UPDATE (10.16.17)

Well, we are 20 hours of clinical's down towards our Certified Nurse Assistant Certificate (60 more to go)!

There were aspects of this weekend that were very difficult- I did have to step out of a room and take a breather (working on my tolerance for smells- I think Vicks was my best friend all weekend).  But, there were also aspects that were surprising to me.  I learned that mucus does not gross me out at all (Maybe because it doesn't have a strong smell- it's more of a texture thing..gooey, sticky, and glue like) and brushing someones teeth, even if they are grimy or full of food, is also not gross (digging out the particles of food and watching them be spit out of the mouth is outstanding- like your being rewarded for the job you did- what would have been extra rewarding is if they would have hawked up a loogie and spit it in the food ridden spit water from teeth brushing :) )
What took me most by surprise is how compassion and empathy for the patients you are performing nurse assistant duties on over-rides all the other feelings of fear or hesitancy that I had (except smell- that will be a miracle if it get's over-ridden by anything other than an act of God!).
When you know someone is in need, you don't even think twice about meeting that need the best you can (and if you can't, you find someone who is qualified to meet it).
Liz rocked the smells-  While I stepped out of a room due to my lack of smell tolerance, she charged right on in and handled it like a champ!

Here's to two nurse's in the making!

5:45 a.m. Saturday morning

make or break it..here we go!

No, it has not always been my dream to become a nurse.
I'm afraid of most everything that surrounds the nursing profession
giving shots
blood
wounds
smells
vomit
poop
sickness
suffering
hurting
dying
I know all of this exists but, in the past, insulated myself from facing it's reality.

Until a little over three years ago.

I was given the privilege of walking with those who are suffering and it crushed my heart.
I begged God to take away the crushed feeling and replace it with a callous indifference.  I wanted closed ears to the cries of the hurting, and, a callous heart to the deep ache and heaviness of suffering and sickness.
God didn't answer my prayer in a way that I wanted, instead, He surround me with more suffering and more hurting and placed a burden on my heart to help.
Through this, He brought me to a place where the sufferings of others trumped my fear of all the nursing profession requires and I acted.
Three weeks ago, along with my sister-in-law Liz, I enrolled in our local community college to begin the prerequisites to become a nurse.

If possible, I would like to help assist in the treatment of those suffering with Lyme Disease.

Along with enrolling in our community college, Liz and I also signed up for a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) course that is intimidating, rewarding, and intense.  The course is 9 weekends long with a combined total of 180 hours of classroom and clinical time.  During the 9 weeks, we spend 10 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday both in a class room and doing clinical rotations.  The clinical rotations allow us to perform the hands on duties of a CNA on residents at skilled nursing facilities (Nursing Homes).  Currently, with our CNA class, we have completed 40 hours of 'book' time and will begin 40 hours of 'clinical' time in the morning.  We will arrive at a local skilled nursing facility at 5:45 a.m. and leave at 4:15 p.m. both tomorrow and Sunday.

OH MY GOODNESS!

My heart is willing, my mind is terrified, and my gag reflex is strong.  I told the instructor of the CNA course that I will be prouder of myself if I can make it through this course then when I/if graduate from actual nursing school. For me, this weekend will be about facing my own inabilities (handling smells, changing dirty briefs, etc.) and not caving to my gag reflex and the intense desire I get to run from overwhelming situations (smells, etc.).  I told Liz that if I faint from hyperventilating,  just drag me out of the facility and don't let anyone call the ambulance (who wants a bunch of EMT or firemen you know standing over you when your just having a moment of panic?? NOT ME).

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know what God is up to, putting the desire in my heart to pursue nursing.  I could think of many other smarter, more qualified, younger people that would do much better.  But for reasons I don't completely understand, He has called me to this season at this time and is clearly guiding this path.

My gut feeling is that this weekend will be a make it or break it for me.  Even if I can't stomach the clinicals we will be doing and I choose to quit (or if I involuntarily throw up continuously from repetitive gagging and then think about what I am doing and gag some more and then throw up some more and the cycle continues and I have to quit because it is so disruptive to the group- yes, I think this could happen- I know people who, even when talk about things that have grossed them out start gagging- what if I am that person....is there a clinical diagnosis for a repetitive gagger- one that gags continuously for the rest of their life....ahahahaaaaa. I joke.  I hope.  could this happen?), I will still be so thankful for the last 3 weeks and will be able to hold my head high (not feeling like a failure but instead just so thankful for the experience).  If my weak stomach can overcome this clinical, the next hurdle will be passing Biology :)

Here's to a God who places dreams in our hearts we never knew we had and gives us the courage it takes to overcome fears!

P.S. I pray He is a God of blocking offensive smells in our nose too....bahahaaaa!!!

P.S.S. I'm super proud of Liz- She's got a rock solid stomach and some grit.  Those smells don't got nothin' on her!

Here we go!