A fellow Blogger, Amanda, wrote a blog post questioning why it's not talked about, written about, blogged about, etc. when, as women, our season of childbearing ends. She and her husband have two children and over the past several years have pursued to grow their family by way of adoption. Adoption, from the time a baby is born until the paper work has been signed and has closed, is so fragile. So many emotions are experienced by both the birth mother and the family pursuing adoption. Amanda and her family have been placed with a baby multiple times and each time, the birth mother has decided to parent. Such a blessing for the birth mother but so much heartache for Amanda. After much prayer, Amanda and her husband decided that, at this point, they would no longer pursue adoption. Their family would be complete and she would begin the process of working through what it means for her to be at the end of her childbearing years. Her blog post touched my heart. I know where she's at- you've had your kids, your still young, you don't quite feel 'done' but because of circumstances you are done- There is a 12 year gap between Ryan and Ellie and for most of those years, my heart ached for another baby (or child).
I also realized, after reading through her post and then replying in the comment section, how, at least for me personally, it's ok to be done with your childbearing season. After we adopted our Ellie, Matt and I both knew we were done and our family was complete. When this happens, at least for us, and your still in the child bearing age, there is a sense of panic at the thought of getting pregnant... Yes, I know if that happens (or if the Lord calls us to adopt again), it would be a HUGE blessing....BUT....... AAAAAAAHHHHHHH :) :)
The Lord will use whatever season we are in, whether it's longing for a child, or whether like me, its the season of being content with the amount of children you have. He will walk us through our circumstances and grow us in Him.
Below is an excerpt from the blog post Amanda posted and my reply in her comment section.
"I've been thinking a lot about how eager and willing we are to mentor younger women in their new seasons of life. Entering college, adapting to a career, being a newlywed, stepping into new ministry roles, or becoming a mom are exciting times......One thing I hardly ever hear other women talk about is the end of the season of childbearing. I don't mean menopause because I know for a fact that women like to talk about that.....I'm just not sure there's a lot of mentoring in the ending of childbearing. Why do you think that is? Is it because no one hires a photographer to send out "We're done reproducing!" announcements and no Pinterest boards with great ideas for "We're moving on!" reveal parties? Is it because this isn't very exciting and therefore it's unseen? Maybe it's just too private a matter. (But let's be honest. We get down to the nitty gritty about childbirth. Do we care that much about privacy?).... When every mom faces the end of the baby years at some point, it seems strange that it isn't talked about more.......I don't know about you, but I need to hear these stories. I need to know what it looks like to move on gracefully even though there is heartache. It would be really powerful to know the stories of the older women in my village. I need to take the time to ask them these kinds of questions: Why did it end for you? Was it your decision or was it because of circumstances out of your control? Did you and your husband agree on when it was time to be done? If not, how did you come to peace? Five years later, did you have regrets? Do you have regrets now? Did it end on a high note or with trauma? Is it even possible for this season to end on a high note? Is this painful for everyone?....."
I thought about Amanda's blog post for a bit and responded in her comment section why I shy away from conversations that include the season of child bearing closing....
At my core, I shy away from conversations that include the season of child bearing closing for the fearful fact of 'Oh my goodness WHAT IF God were to call our family to have more children' What if, by acknowledging the season is over it somehow perks up God's ears and Her remembers that He still wants us to have more- Yes, I know that He would give us the strength BUT as much as I have enjoyed raising our 19 year old right into young adulthood and raising our 16 year old....and holding her own right behind her older brothers is our precious 4 year old (whom we adopted)...As much as I have enjoyed each and everyday of child raising (and will continue to enjoy it)- I feel tired out and all done having babies (or adopting babies). I know I can't boss God around (I've tried and it doesn't work...smile) so instead I slink down in my seat when such conversations come up and pray that either I will go through early menopause or become too old to adopt in every county throughout the whole world because then I know that the season is over- that the possibility of God calling us to more children is over (although I think of Sarah and Abraham...they were 'as old as dead' when Isaac was born)
That being said, during the 12 year gap between my then youngest and the adoption of our daughter I went through a deep grieving time that by the age of 41 we would be empty nesters. I remember the first day of dropping my (then) youngest off for a full day of school and driving away feeling incredibly lost....like the roles I had embraced for so many years were changing and I did not know how to let go politely. Along with this changing season was the deep desire I had to adopt- It was not until 6 years after dropping my youngest off at school that the Lord brought our adoption full circle- In those 6 years the Lord taught me some incredible lessons about solely depending on Him...to hold each season of child raising close to my heart but not to clench it in my fists...that my identity is first in Him and His desires for my life, then in my role as a wife, and then in my role as a mother...so many other lessons that I learned when my kids went to school and God and I had many hours of quiet time during the day...'
Mama's....May God Bless and keep you, whatever your season!
Happy Saturday
p.s. To read Amanda's full post, click
here
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| Christmas 2011 |
