beauty products, bathing suits, and praying

Bullet point randoms :)
how's 7 of them!!

• I'm almost a month into taking Liposomal Vitamin C (Thank you Kristen H. for the recommendation where to get it).  The word is that Liposomal C is transported directly into your bloodstream and then into your cells giving a more direct and powerful delivery.  I first learned about how effective Vitamin C is when Ryan went through Lyme Treatment in Germany (it was one of the things used in his treatment only in IV form not Liposomal).  Since then, I have followed blogs and heard personal stories of people who have treated various ailments with Liposomal Vit. C.  32 Grams (32,000mg) was tolerance when I first started and now I'm at 12 Grams per day and holding.  Your body will absorb as much as your cells need and then you will reach your tolerance.  There is no guessing when you've met the tolerance :)  I will say this....I've had a persistent cyst for almost 2 years- over the last year, it has become consistent (never letting up).  I've gone to the Dr. several times, just keeping tabs on it.  This past weekend, it completely went away.  Not sure if it is the Vit. C or just coincided with taking the C....whatever the case, I am going to stay on a decent dose of Liposomal Vit. C for 3 months and then drop down to a bit lower of a dose and stay on it.
• I got an Elchim hair dryer for Christmas from my mom (thank you mom).....noticed that it smooths down fly away hair and drys your hair quick and smooth, like you used a round brush.  It really is nice!!
• Ordered a bathing suit off of Rosegal.com- It is a strappy high waisted bikini for $14.44 with free shipping.  I wasn't expecting it to be as cute as it is (and it was such a great price!).  The bag it came is was directly from China so it took several weeks to arrive.  I will do more ordering through them.  P.S. I ordered the bathing suit a size up because reviews on the site kept saying that their clothing ran small.  The size up fits perfectly.
• Ordered Ellie a bathing suit from Janie and Jack.  It came in, I tried it on her, and then promptly ordered her another one (in a different print) so that she could have 2....they are that cute!  It also helped that the second suit was on clearance for $11.99.  We won't talk about the price of the first suit. 
• Have you smelled Desert Essence 'Coconut' Lotion??  I was checking out at Natural Grocers and had another lotion- the checker told me her favorite was the coconut... so glad I bought it.  My favorite is to still use Avocado oil but the coconut lotion is a close second.
• I was at TJ Maxx, browsing in the beauty product clearance, and came across Sans Ceuticals Balancing Hair Hydratant.  It was on clearance for $5.50.  It had an expensive look and smell so I did a quick google to find out that it retails for $33. plus $7.95 S&H.  I also saw that it had quite a few good reviews.  The directions say to put a 'cherry size dollop through your hair's mid-length and ends...leave for 30 seconds and then rinse.'  For anyone with hair that is dry, it works as a really good conditioner.  For a deep conditioner, I will follow it up with my normal conditioner. 
• Switching gears to a serious note....It's fun to talk about the 'fun' things in life, beauty products, clothes, lotions....but there are many of you who will read this post who are suffering.    Who went through this Christmas season watching a loved one suffer or maybe it is you who is suffering.  You all know how tender my heart is towards those who are going through a chronic illness (Lyme among the many out there). My heart ached over this holiday season as I know of  tough things going on in the lives of several people I know and care about.  The husband and father who is on hospice.  His family is Praising the Lord for the Heavenly Home he will go to but they will miss him so very much when he goes.  The mothers I know who went through this holiday season without one of their children- their precious kiddo's having gone on to heaven.  Also, a friend's husband who suffered a devastating car accident just before Christmas- He is recovering but it will be a long road.  For these families plus the many of you I have spoken with regarding your 'tough' situation- please know that I am praying.  Praying God's comfort and peace over your lives.  

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,  for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22

A random picture to go with this random post.....I took this picture of the Alps as we were driving out of Lichtenstein.  Clearly the picture does not do the Alps justice BUT when was the last time you could say you saw what the Alps looked like in Lichtenstein :) 

my mature marriage :)

To set the stage of this blog post, you've got to understand two things....

First, my claim to fame has never been having some sort of super maturity in marriage.  When it goes down that you get married as a teenager (18) it's only natural that you establish immature habits.  Oh, I'm not talking ungodly with no moral compass type of habits..  Nope, nothing like that.  It's more of a stooping to levels of couthlessness that could be, considered by some, as childish.

Second, Matt and I have been slightly on each others nerves for a couple of days.  I wanted him to go with Elle's and I to the movies and he was not in the mood to go.  Instead of being gracious and understanding, I was annoyed- this annoyance has simmered a few days now.  There was a part of me (remember I'm owning my immaturity) that wanted him to feel the same annoyance I was feeling.

The thought first dawned on me, when I opened the refrigerator and saw that my Matt had bought Eggnog, how gross he thinks it is when people drink right out of the carton (even when watching movies or TV, he has to turn his head away).  I could hear the self talk 'Don't do it, Steph!  This is so immature'!  BUT the thought of Matt's face when he received the below text message won over the self talk....
His response still makes me laugh...

If you end up reading this blog post Matthew Benjamin, I LOVE YOU and your witty responses!!

Eli's Take on Middle Age

I have been blogging since 2010- Almost 7 years...wow!  I have posted 551 blog posts since 2010 and have 151 sitting in my 'drafts'.  Drafts are posts that for one reason or another I have not posted (you will notice that there is only 1 post published in 2010.  We were in the process of adopting and I took down all but one of my blog posts, the one that talked about our family for a birth mother to see).  It is always fun looking in the 'drafts', especially when the draft pertains to something my kids were doing at the time.  Here is a post from Eli, I'm not 100% sure of the date he did this report but I'm guessing it was around 2010/2011.  In 2010, he was just turning 14 and finishing up his 8th grade year at Chiefess Middle school, getting ready to begin his 9th grade year at Kauai High School.
______________________________________________________________
When I went to bed last night Eli was busy working on a report for school that is due today.  I didn't ask him what it was about but instead said a quick 'I love you... God Bless you' and hit the sack.  As my computer started up this morning, the usual picture did not show up in the background but instead the first thing that popped up was the report Eli was working on last night-
After reading through his report on 'Middle Age' the first time I cringed.....(muscle tone diminishes and physical exercise is needed to maintain figure..BLAH!  'Medical Problems are the leading cause for middle age deaths'...that's not very heroic or impressive).  Then I made my way through it again, fascinated that after all Eli read about middle age the facts below are what stuck out to him (and he felt them relevant to document for his report)...

“Middle age”

35-65 years of age.

By: Eli B.

Physical changes: physical changes are common during this time in life. This is when your body starts to diminish.

-muscle tone diminishes.
-changes come in diet.
-physical exercise is needed to maintain figure.
-body’s reproductive compactly begins to slow.

Social and emotional changes: middle age people begin to reflect on their lives. Realize that they made mistakes in their life. 

-begin to accept mortality as friends and loved ones die.
-reflect on birth and growth of children. 
-Midlife crisis begins in 40s.
-have a fear of losing their youth.

Financial concerns: Learning to accept responsibility is hard. But when people are counting on you it is necessary. 

-get satisfaction from giving to others
-accepting the effects of stress.
-may be overwhelming
-medical problems may arise.

Specific tasks: this is a very stressful time in life. Family and work may depend on you.

-provide for a family 
-have a steady job. 
-provide sufficient support for people around you. 
-look into selling down.

Joys: midlife years are the best years of life for many people. Many are able to enjoy and focus their families and job.

-providing for a family brings great joy. 
-able to enjoy hobbies 
-proud of accomplishments 
-use leisure time creatively.

Medical problems and dangers: medical problems are the leading cause of middle age deaths. This is very common.

-cancer is a very real threat 
-heart disease
-addictions become tough to get away from. 
-experiencing the ill effects of habits 
-learning about medical care.

aaawwww!! It's Eli when he was 14- seems like so long ago

mostly german protocol

I copy and pasted this post from my sister in law,Liz's blog.  It is the protocol she is using to treat her Lyme Disease.

(A big part of this treatment protocol was put together by several who have traveled to Germany to receive treatment for Lyme Disease.  The other part of the treatment protocol was put together by a local Naturopathic Dr. who also practices Homeopathy.  I choose this protocol because of it's proven success rate)

Detox Phase:

Breakfast

                  ·2 capsules Herbal Heplaclenz (Professional Formulas)

                  ·Whole Body Liquesence, 15 drops under tongue (Professional Formulas)

                  ·Chicory Ginger Digestive Bitters with food, 10 drops (Uriel) plus 5-6 drops of Stevia

                  ·Probiotic

After breakfast

                  ·Lymph/spleen Complex, 1 capsule (Professional Formulas)

Lunch

                  ·Chicory Ginger Digestive Bitters, 10 drops

Dinner

                  ·Chicory Ginger Digestive Bitters, 10 drops

                  ·Whole Body Detox Liquesence, 15 drops under the tongue

                  ·probiotic

                  · “Ultra Liquid Zeolite” (with humic acid) 13 drops in water

Dietary:

No dairy, gluten and only natural sugars.  I did food sensitivity testing and am off of all chicken and eggs, along with a few other misc. food allergens I avoid.  I limit sugar, but do have maple syrup, some honey and tea with nutramedix brand liquid stevia.   

Lyme Treatment:

IV Formulation

                  ·600 mg Glutathione push

                  ·1000 mg Vitamin C (will increase to 15 grams after enzyme test comes back)

                  ·1000 mg magnesium

                  ·Multi-trace minerals mix

                                    5 mg zinc

                                    1 mg copper

0.5 mg manganese

                                    10 mcg chromium

                                    Selenium

                  ·methylated B complex, called B100

                  ·sodium bicarbonate

Dr. has ordered in lymphostat by HEEL that we will begin with the IV’s as well.  This is usually done via IV on the ozone days, but we will add it to the Vitamin C IV days. 

I still need to ask Dr. about vitamin D and a probiotic infusion that I see listed on German protocol.

I continue to take all the detox supplements every day of the week.  I have also added:

                   ·200 mg Alpha Lipoic Acid three times per day

                  · 25,000 IU vitamin A once a week (THORNE brand)

                  · Dr. recommended Willards Water.  I have it but have not introduced it into the protocol.  

                    I will use it as a further detox agent if needed, especially on ozone days.  

                  · ozone sauna (with or without ozone) is available to detox on ozone days

Ozone/Bionic Days

                  ·up to 240 cc ozone via rectal insufllation

                  · 1 scoop SANUM Pleo Alkala Antacid powder

                  ·one hour in Hyperbaric Oxygen chamber immediately following RI and alkali 

(Cure Health Spa is offering a 20% discount on all Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber sessions if you mention that you heard about them from this post)

·Bionic 880: 10 points at 11.77 Hz, 100% power, 330 seconds (borellia burdorferi nosode taped to solar plexus)

· (The detox supplements I take every day help with detox, and the zeolite helps with ph balancing.   I will continue to see how my body react to this method and if it’s enough.)

I have German nosodes on order (Bartonella, Babesia, Mycoplasma pneumonia and Rocky Mountian Spotted Fever.)  I know I have more co-infections than that, namely Colorado Tick Fever, Erlichia and EBV, etc., but I will address those after I take care of Lyme and the main co-infections I believe affecting my health, if they are not already gone after treatment. 

Extra Notes:

• The inventor of the bionic recommends this for a detox:  Want to note the recommendation from a Dr. in Germany: "Finally, all of my patients receive a detoxification treatment, which includes an intravenous infusion of magnesium, zinc, Hepar comp (a homeopathic liver decontaminant), Solidago comp (a homeopathic kidney support remedy), Lymphomyosot (a homeopathic remedy to support the lymphatic system) and 100 ml of sodium bicarbonate (NaHCO3 8.4 %)."

Bionic informational website: http://lymebook.com/bionic-880-photon-woitzel-germany-pe1

 

Bionic 880

Nosode taped to the Solar Plexus during bionic treatments

this years family pictures

We had our family pictures taken late last week.  They turned out lovely (thank you Christine over at Christine Sarah Photography)!  Every year, when we get our new family picture taken, I always compare it to the years previous.  It's fun to take a look back and see how much your kids have grown up!  The pictures below starts when Eli was 15, Ry was 12, and Ellie was 5 months old.

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016- Eli is 20, Ry 17, and Ellie is 5

class of 2017

Ryan had his senior pictures taken this afternoon.  As our photographer, Christine, was taking his picture, I took a few too....

Here's to Ry's senior year and the class of 2017

a sight unseen emotion settling just right

I can't explain it, at least in words anyway.  When it comes to taking a photograph, it's a feeling, a sight unseen emotion that settles as right, when you look back at pictures you took and know that you captured what you were looking for.  An authentic glimpse into the essence of what it was like being at that place in that time.  I've learned that it's not always the picture perfect shot that creates the capture, but instead, an unguarded moment of the occupants.  A moment that, even for just a second, captures the beauty of the experience.  I'm using too many words, and like I said at the beginning, I can't explain it in words....so I'll stop and just show you.
Eli was home from a 48 hour shift at the fire department.  TJ, a fellow fireman and a friend of Eli's since first grade was sharing a meal with us, Danika was over (Ry's girlfriend), and Ry.  We were sitting down to dinner last night.  Just before we got started, I grabbed my camera and took several shots.
Oh, there are a few more perfect than this one.  Pictures where everyone is looking at the camera, smiling.  But none that captured the moment quite like this picture did.
This settles just right in this wanna-be photographers heart....yep, it settles just right.

policy in politics

I received this note from my dear friend, Rebecca, and found it both thought provoking and convicting- enough so, I wanted to share it with you all...

'I've been listening, reading, thinking and praying.  As I write this, my mind and heart are firmly standing on the solid ground of Jesus Christ.  As a Christian community,  I hear us saying.  “I could never vote for...” “Christians have no place in politics.” "I don't like any of the candidates so I'm not going to vote"....  Those are the words we've swirled over coffee, blogs, and church foyers.  We use them to justify the decision before us. They comfort us to the point that we have become broken records of rhetoric amongst ourselves and impotent outside the walls we call church. 
It would be easier to binge watch Netflix right through November 9th...But we cannot, This election matters, we must vote!


Let's bypass all the trivial debates and get to the heart of what matters.  No, not what matters to us, but what matters to God.


The formula I've found that helps me cut through all the noise is this election is this: 

I Vote Policy in Politics. 

Let's take a look at some policies of the two strongest running candidates:

• One candidate is firmly pro-Life the other firmly pro-Choice. As a Christian you have the opportunity to vote for life in this election. (Deut. 27:25, Ps. 139, Prov. 24:11-12, Jer. 1:4-5) 
• One candidate is going to stand with Israel and the other will stand with Israel's enemies. (Gen. 12:1-3, Ps. 122) 
• One candidate will bring judges to our Supreme Court that will uphold and defend the current constitution, the other will not. 
• One candidate will go to great lengths to keep the people and service men and women of our country safe. The other has not and will not make this a reality. 
• Lastly, lets not quickly gloss over the Vice President nominations. This is the most telling of all, the person they choose to take with them to the Oval Office. Christian, you can actually vote for a man that loves and proclaims the name of Jesus. 

This is hard, it is messy. Like it or not there is one candidate that more clearly aligns with what God's Word teaches. No this person will not save you (remember, we are not voting for a Savior, we already have one) or speak “Christianese”,  but he will keep freedom, which in turn, will keep freedom open to the gospel.' ~ Rebecca

Heavenly Father, thank you that you are Sovereign and in control of all things.  Thank you that no matter who wins this election, you are still working all things for your Glory and our good.   Please protect all the candidates running for president in this election, please fill them with the knowledge and wisdom that they have the chance to influence our country for you.  Please also protect our country.  Lord, we have made so many poor choices, we need to repent and turn back to you.  I love you Dear Lord Jesus.

It's always fun to put a name with a face.  This is Rebecca, my cousin Luke, and their 3 kids- Grace Anne, Dawson, and Claire (bottom R)

who needs guard dogs anyway

I am laughing even as I start typing this blog post.

We have 15 acres.  3 acres are where our house and a few out building sit and 12 acres are fenced with our cows.  For most of the summer, we've been feeding our cows apples- In the process of feeding them apples, I've taught several of the cows to come right up to us and eat the apples out of our hand.  The cows will get so excited when we go out into the field, they literally run up to us and stop within 2 feet of us.  If cows could squeal and laugh, they would be doing this when they run up to you, they are that excited.  They also run up with such fury, you wonder if they are going to stop before hitting you.  If we don't give them apples when we are out in the field, they will persistently follow us around at whatever speed we are going (if we are walking they walk behind us- if we were to run, they would run behind us- not that we ever run...but if we were to run).

The first time they ran up to me, I stood there, willing myself not to run like mad for the fence and jump over it.  I wasn't sure if they were going to trample me or stop.  I took a big breath, stood still,  and faced the cows (like any good pack leader does) and shouted a greeting to them 'HHHHEEEYYY!!'- I figured I would rather go down appearing brave then loose face in front of 17 cows and run away.  I didn't have apples so I just petted them behind their ears and told them how handsome they were.  They didn't appreciate this as much as apples but they still persistently followed me around the field when I walked- keeping pace the entire time.

The back of the 12 acres of our cow field backs up to a rural subdivision.  The houses are on larger lots with all of their back fences bordering our field.  The first house on the road, closest to the highway, has quite a grow going.  If the privacy fence was not a dead give a way, the big green leaves growing up over the fence and the smell of skunk was.  I walk around our field most days, 2 times around during the walk for the normal or 3 times if it's an ambitious day (like once a month).  The cows run up to me every time I walk and follow me for one lap around.

Last night, I was walking around the field and noticed leafy greens laying on the ground along our back fence line.  It was a long enough stretch of those leafy greens that someone would have had to walk down the fence line to spread them.  They were cut and thrown around, not growing up out of the ground.  I've never seen marijuana close up- never smoked it- not my thing at all, so it took me a minute to figure out what I was looking at.  I picked it up and took a picture, sending the picture to my Matt, 'Is this marijuana?'....then I took a whiff-  it stunk (which confirmed my suspicion that it was marijuana).  I gathered as much of it as I could find, make your arms create a big circle out in front of you, that's how much I gathered, and threw it between our fence and the neighbors fence.  I'm fuming mad by this time, trying to figure out if someone was trying to feed our cows pot, and trying to figure out who would be walking our fence line spreading the pot around.

WHAT IN THE WORLD!

I grabbed the biggest branch of marijuana with the most leaves on it and stormed across our field to show Matt.  'Honey, you need to go talk to the neighbors about this!'

Matt said he pulled up to the neighbors (the ones with the grow), which were all standing outside their house, held the pot branch up and asked them if it was theirs.  They had just gotten home from work and figured out that sometime, during the day, someone had stollen their marijuana plants.  They wanted to know where Matt had gotten the cuttings from their plants.

We put two and two together.  Especially after walking the fence line again and seeing how the marijuana was scattered.  At the end of the scattered marijuana was a backpack and the cutters used to cut it.  You could tell that whoever had stollen the marijuana had run down our fence line- scared enough to drop not only the pot but their personal items too.

Cows are curious- what do you want to bet they saw the robbers, after stealing the neighbors pot, make their way over the fence onto our side of the property.  They didn't realize the impact they would have as all of them ran at the robbers, expecting apples.  I'm sure the robbers took off running, holding on tight to their loot- they picked up speed, hoping to outrun the cows, all the while glancing back to see how close the cows were.  Clearly the cows were gaining ground which caused the robbers to drop the rest of the weed and their personal belongings and jump over the fence.......

AAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH!!! Take that you pot robbers!!  Great job to our cows!!

Who needs guard dogs anyway?  Especially when you have overly friendly cows :)

seven circles with life experience

• Life experience always gives the best indication if what one preaches they are also willing to live.
• It's easy to pass judgment on another's situation, especially when you have not traveled that road yourself.  It seems the softer the response, the more life the one speaking has experienced.
• Life experience is teaching me that it is inevitable to not cross the path of one who is suffering. It's easier to walk away....but then what would that show of Jesus- maybe this one goes back to the top of this list....Life experience always gives the best indication if what one preaches they are also willing to live
• It has been shown to me that those who stuck by the one suffering- who weathered the storm with that vulnerable precious soul, who showered the one hurting with compassion and kindness, is the type of person I long to be.  Standing by the one suffering can be depressing, it can be draining, it requires patience and all those things that our flesh wants to run from.  But it also produces Christ like qualities that our world longs to see- people are starving to see Jesus in us.  Not surface 'talk the talk' Jesus but when the rubber meets the road and the only explanation can be 'Jesus in you' type of Jesus.
• Life experience has also taught me that not all who begin your journey, will finish it with you- and that's ok.  It used to be a devastatingly grievous thing, letting go.  But I'm slowly coming to realize that, if your having to chase and then grab for, your too busy trying to force what isn't yours and missing what God's putting right in front of you.  It's still hard though, the letting go, and I don't like it at all.
• But on the letting go note, sometimes, when we are all done with our tactics and holding on, it gives God room to work.  In those times, what He does, never ceases to amaze me.  
• Lastly, the most valuable life experience lesson I have learned to date is this.... I need Jesus, at all times and in all things.....life's a broken mess without Him.  Oh, don't get me wrong, Life's still hard, even with Him- It's still messy- but it isn't broken.  Because, with Him, even the messiest situations still have His promise.  The promise that He is working all things out for His Glory and our good and the promise of Heaven- the here is just fleeting and the there of Heaven, all of it's perfection and Glory, is forever.

Happy Saturday to you!!

if we could....

If Matt and I could (a desire of our hearts, not a reality)...
We would be part of the process of bringing a treatment into the United States that is as good (which would mean exactly the same) as the treatment Ryan received in Germany to treat Lyme Disease.
We would make it so that the facility administering the treatment was not a racket.....yes, I know they would need to make a profit BUT not a killing.

It would be a place of hope and healing

Oregon needs this
America needs this

America is ignorant about Lyme- very little money is spent on any sort of research or education.
It is pushed under the rug and ignored by the CDC and by our medical system.  They like to explain it away as psychosomatic symptoms.  When it is acknowledged, it's pharmaceutically driven for a profit and not for a cure.
You have very few treatment options in the US- of those treatment options, insurance covers none of the cost.
With the ignorance surrounding Lyme Disease, plus, the fact that it is, for the most part, a non visual disease (usually the person suffering 'looks' fine), so much of the time, friends and family will have a hard time understanding what you are experiencing or how to support you.
With the combination of the above, many times, those with Lyme end up suffering in silence, which is heart breaking.

The prayer of both Matt and my heart is that those who are suffering and agonizing with Lyme Disease would have the opportunity to find their healing.  That they would be able to wake up in the morning and feel symptom free and normal.  That Lyme Disease would be in their rear view mirror instead of ever present in front, behind, and on all sides of them.

Tonight, as you finish reading this blog post, would you please take just a minute and pray for those who are suffering with Lyme Disease.  Would you also please pray that the Lord would rise up the right treatment here in America.

Nothing is impossible with God
Nothing

If you are reading this and you or your loved ones are affected by Lyme Disease, please know that
Matt and I are so sorry- we may not have met you but our hearts are with you and you are in our prayers.

Kim 8.8.76 - 8.8.93

Tucked away in my attic, is a box....a box that I was crying as I filled it 23 years ago.
A box that I have hauled out and opened over the years just to remember.

The box has:
A journal that was passed back and forth between 2 boy crazy teen girls.  Kim always signed off with #32, her basketball number and I would put an X through her #32 and replace it with a #24 (my basketball number)
A letter
And a Nike T-shirt that was over worn by both of us

If I close my eyes, I can still hear her laugh and see her smile, I can hear the gracious way that she talked about those around her.  She loved the Lord, her family, her dogs (Hilga), and her friends dearly.

Kim went home to Heaven on her 17th birthday.
She would be 40 today
Happy 23rd Heavenly Birthday, my friend...you are still so very missed.

P.S. I will visit Kim's grave periodically.  Until now, I have never taken Ellie with me- I wanted her to be old enough to understand, at some level, the first time I took her.  Elle's and I stood around Kim's grave and watered the flowers that her mom, Vicki, had planted.  We talked about who Kim was and where she is at.  We talked about death and the hope of heaven.  I found myself mostly talking about memories that Kim and I shared and the joy it will be to see her again.

To Bill (Kim's dad), Vicki, and Natalie (Kim's little sister)........I love you guys and think of you so often.  May you feel God's comfort and peace wrapped around you.

'For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands.'

2 Cor. 5:1

Tucked in the corner of Kim's headstone is this basketball with her number and our high school...
this is precious!

money, lettuce, and justice prevailing

WROTE THIS BLOG POST 2 YEARS AGO- FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER IT DID NOT GET PUBLISHED...here we are, two years later, and it's getting posted :)

It's July 19 (2014) and I have one blog post banked this month- that is one more than what I was going to post...for several months prior, I have considered taking a month off from blogging and possibly facebook for no other reason than just because...It's summer- summer's a break from all the usual routines so why not take a social media break.   I went with taking a break, short of 2 posts, from blogging but not facebook.
On a personal level blogging helps my brain relax- Structures my thoughts- and exercises communication. 
That being said, let's get to blogging shall we!!

Here's some random thoughts jumping around in my brain....

• I see the world in how someone is doing emotionally, spiritually, and in their heart...If I am at a social event with 100 women, I would probably not be able to tell you what someone was wearing (even loving fashion as I do) but would be able to tell you how most of those women were doing emotionally.  My heart grieves for those hurting and in emotional bondage.....It's something I completely understand and have a passion for- I also know the hope of being healed and the freedom to walk in that healing.
• Because of the above, I am not impressed by one's bank account or how nice of a house you live in (sure these things are all great, but, not defining of who you are or how you are really doing)- It was a recent opportunity to sit down to dinner with a very wealthy individual....money status did not come up once- How they were doing emotionally was the talk of the dinner.  It was a evening not of pedigree or who's who but a night of honest talk from one person to another, appreciating not the dollar bills in our bank account but instead, the hearts in which we were given....It was a breath of fresh (and very honest, raw, and real) air
• I grew a very small garden that is full of mostly weeds- The lettuce has grown up and I can't eat it....stuff just growing right out of the dirt (YUCK).....I take full responsibility that it is my issue not the lettuce's...I'll bet if I googled 'people who can't eat stuff that grows in the dirt (in their own garden)' there would be some fancy psychological name for it.
• Last one....Did you read the article about the father in Florida who beat to a bloody pulp the man who was caught abusing his son- the father called the police after giving the molester the beating.....Good Job to the dad!!  The question was asked whether the father should be charged with beating the guy- ABSOLUTELY NOT was the consensus by both the public and the police- It was nice reading an article where justice prevailed... where the bad guy was caught and punished (with more punishment coming as he faces jail time).  

Have a great night!
Steph

A beautiful Oregon day

for such a time as this

I wrote this blog post at the beginning of February, while we were in Germany (with Ryan as he went through treatment for Lyme Disease).  I read it over, just after writing it that February morning, and then tucked it away in my blog drafts.  I was looking through my drafts tonight, over a hundred posts that I have written but not posted, and came across this one.........

The Lord delivered me of an anxiety disorder 10 years and 3 months ago.  It was November of 2005,
that I knew He had broken the chains of fear that had strangled my life for 10 years.
Since that time, there has been many triggers (stress and feeling out of control) that have tried to send me back to anxiety attacks.  The voice of fear has yelled into my mind 'what if' and I've had to choose to cling to God's promises and His Truth's, trusting that He is in control.

Flying was my biggest fear back in 2005- I haden't stepped foot on a plane in 10 years and saw it as a death sentence if I did (I had convinced myself the plane would crash).  Facing that fear, in Nov. 2005, in God's strength was a victorious moment.  What I saw as a completed victory (the Lord would deliver me of all other struggles because of my obedience and trust in him by boarding the airplane), the Lord saw as a stepping stone of tools He was giving me to live the life He had called me too.
He used the lesson I learned to trust Him on an airplane to give me the tools to live in Hawaii- Unless you want to take a 10 day boat trip to reach the mainland from Hawaii, you have to fly on an airplane.  Each of the 8 flights I took back and forth to Hawaii over those 2 years we lived there was more stepping stones to face fears and trust Him.
While living in Hawaii, I struggled the entire time with the isolated living and loneliness- The Lord used this time to draw me closer to Him,  I would spend hours reading His Word and praying- He also used it as a time to graciously show me how self centered I was (if mama wasn't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy).  From the hours spent reading His Word and praying each day, He rose up a passion in my heart for ladies Bible Study- A wonderful way for ladies to come together to learn more about and study God's Word.
More stepping stones and spiritual tools
When we moved home from Hawaii and completed Ellie's adoption, he brought our family through an outpouring of finances, He showing us that it was He who was the giver and taker of money- We could trust His decisions and look at our finances as a platform for Him to work....
After living in Hawaii, we moved 2 times in 2 years and then made a 3rd move during our second year home- this time to another isolated ranch 45 minutes from town.  I threw a huge emotional fit while we lived the same way in Hawaii and knew I didn't want to do that again.  I wanted to honor God no matter how I was feeling about our living situation.  It was a conscience effort each day to choose joy in my circumstances and not fall into the pit of isolation and loneliness.  The Lord was teaching the tools of self discipline when it comes to feelings- as my friends Patty and Treva would teach teen girls at a ministry they started at our church, the Loft: feelings are not facts- they are feelings- facts are found in God's Word and in His Truth's, not in how we feel- Just more stepping stones in our spiritual life and more tools to live the life that He has called us to.
It seemed like a good time to rest from all of the learning lessons- 10 years of growing, 6 of those years being difficult growing years.  6 years of stretching and out of comfort zone.
Mama's feeling all done by this time- ready for some cruising and kick back
We had moved 5 times in 6 years, Matt had changed jobs 3 times, we had adopted our Ellie (love this), our oldest son Eli graduated from high school (letting go is hard), Matt's dad passed away, so many more life changes
Like my faulty belief system that once I conquered my fear of flying, the Lord would allow me to chill through life, leaving me to be comfortable and cushioned from any other hard times or growing, was my belief that I needed cruising and kick back.
Today, I am all done, in my flesh- I want nothing more than to have a healed son and head home from Germany-
But God's not done working and He is who matters

He's the one in charge and He's the one who knows best- He is the one who will see us through this season and into the next and the next.
This is rest
Not freedom from hard times but instead freedom from feeling like you have to carry each hard time alone.

I have laid in bed the last 3 nights and struggled with old feelings of anxiety....
Ryan, Ellie, and I are on the other side of the ocean from the rest of our family (Matt has flown home)
Ryan has Lyme Disease
What if, What if, What if

All the hard times that have drawn our family and I closer to Christ over the last 10 years are for Such a time as this...
For such a time that life seems so far out of comfort zone and honesty, scary- He's prepared us, in advance, with stepping stones and Spiritual tools so that we can walk uprightly before Him and say AMEN.  It doesn't make it easy but it makes for a blessed assurance that God is trustworthy and reliable and will see us through this time.

There will be more hard times, I know this-  I also know that the Lord will use this hard time to help us walk through the next and so on until our such a time as this allows us to enter Heaven....

I  mean this, from my heart to yours, if your 'such a time as this' is a struggle right now, May you know God's peace, strength, and comfort more than you know anything else and may you feel His loving arms wrapped tight around you, encouraging you to keep going- there is much purpose to what you are going through- Don't give up.  If anxiousness is trying to swallow up your joy, choose to take a deep breath and cling to Jesus- grab your Bible (if you don't have one, google the bible verses) and dig into Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 54:10, John 16:33, John 14:27, the list can go on.

Ryan getting ozone- We are so thankful for Bettina (the nurse shown in the picture)