the opportunity to be part of complicated

Friendships can be so complicated..really, any relationship between two people can be complicated.  Different perspectives, different opinions, different backgrounds, and different communication styles are just a few of the bridges that are crossed when we interact with others.  We, needing to cross their bridge as the relationship developes and they needing to cross ours.

Since the beginning of the year, I have had the opportunity to be part of a complicated friendship.  It was not a new friendship that had birthed itself with complicated but instead one that had several years of harmonious history behind it.  A solid friendship that had founds itself quite complicated over the course of less than a months time.

Misunderstanding with a lack of communication turned to frustration
frustration with a lack of communication turned to reaction
reaction with a lack of healthy communication turned to more frustration
more frustration finally turned to division.

By mid summer the friendship had divided itself and in my mind, a stop loss occurred.  We had stopped the friendship so that no more damage could be done- there would be no more loss.  The division between us had not been advertised by either one of us and only a few other people knew about all that had gone on.  I told myself it was all contained, only affecting she and I, when we parted ways and carried on life.

Last Sunday, the Lord graciously allowed a conversation between myself and another precious woman to take place.  This precious woman was telling me about how the Lord brings good from hard times and how He brings things together for our good and His Glory, even when it doesn't seem like it.  Very ungraciously, I fired back with an angry response that went something like this 'Yes, the Lord does do that BUT it does not make what others do to us ok!'  Basically meaning that if someone hurts me, yes, the Lord will bring about his Glory and my good from the situation but I still have a right to be angry at the offender- a right to carry my case around, even only inside my own head, and use it to justify the resentment I felt.

Proverbs 4:23 

'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.'

After the conversation, I headed into Sunday School. Even as I sat down in the Sunday School Class, I could feel the Holy Spirit laying on my heart how rude my response had been.  I sat there with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach for a couple of minutes and realized that I needed to go find the woman I had just verbally vomited on and apologize.  She was gracious in the apology and we both carried on.  She, not realizing how much our conversation impacted my heart and I, knowing that the belief I had told myself, that the divided friendship was compartmentalized and I had moved on from it, was not true. I had not guarded my heart by confessing my anger to the Lord and asking Him to help me deal with it, instead, I had tucked it deep inside my heart and put on a good facade that all was ok.....but that's all it was, a facade.

After church, I knew I needed to send a text, to pursue meeting with the friend who I had the complicated relationship with.  I was not thinking we would regain a friendship but instead come to a place where we could both agree to disagree and move on with peace between us.  Agree that when we see each other we would at least say 'hi' and not go out of our way to avoid the other person.

It was not planned this way, but a 3rd party was able to be in on some of our meeting.  This person was able to overhear both sides of the story- They were able to hear both of us pour out what had hurt and frustrated us.  They were able to hear what each of us thought had brought us to the place we had found ourselves in that day.  As the meeting was winding down, this friend and I had decided it was probably best to move on from the relationship and not seek anything other than respectful common ground between us.  We were not able to get on the same page, even during the meeting.

'I think it's the wrong choice, letting the friendship go' was the repeated words that came out of the 3rd parties mouth.

'Then how do we move forward from this?  If we move forward in friendship reconciliation (as opposed to letting the friendship go and just being peaceful acquaintances) how can we get past our differences!!?'

'Choose to let the past go and then choose to think the best about the other person'

'Choose to not assume the worst about the other but think the best about them every time you see them (and in the meantime)' Was the advise given to us. 

This person then went on to say that too often we let our Spiritual Family go when we are offended- we friend hop, church hop, and really have no loyalty other than to our offenses (letting our offended hearts dictate when we stay in a relationship, church, etc. instead of letting grace and forgiveness reign)

HUH? was what my initial thought was-
Where's the justice in that.  Let all the past go.....smmmmhhh....

'Don't think about the past (in terms of the hurt and frustration)- Don't let your mind go there- MOVE ON and press forward in forgiveness and the understanding that you will choose to only think good about each other.'

Something clicked in my heart as the 3rd party was saying all of this.  I knew the words spoken were true but it seemed too easily hard.  Such a easy thing to do.....only think good about someone- if you hadn't been hurt by them.  Such a hard thing to do....when hurt and frustration have been reigning in your mind for almost a year.  

This friend and I both looked at each other as the 3rd party was talking and I could see that we were both profoundly affected by not only the words being said but by the hurt and frustration that had gone on.  Neither one of us were going to walk out the winner if we tried to hold on to our offenses- we would both loose.  We would loose a friendship, we would loose the chance to learn how to die to self and see another point of view, we would miss out on the great opportunity of offering grace and forgiveness.  We would, most importantly, miss out on a cross opportunity- A chance to live in the freedom of why Jesus died on the cross for us....so that we could be free from having to carry anger, bitterness, unforgiveness.

This friend and I hugged at the end of the meeting and agreed to move forward in pursuing friendship reconciliation.  We haven't seen each other since our meeting- we haven't had the opportunity to BUT I have had many an opportunity to think about the situation- I have had hours and hours of choosing to think only good about this friend.  

Here's to good relationships gone bad only to find hope at the foot of the cross and become good again.....It really is a God thing :)

5400 miles in 90 days

Ryan was bit by a small dear tick (about the size of a stud earring) in May of 2014 on the side of his stomach.  Two weeks to the day later he developed what we would later learn was a bullseye rash (we kept calling it a hive at first) at the site of the tick bite.  Along with the bullseye rash he became really achy, ran a constant low grade fever, and was tired all of the time (sleeping 20 hours a day).  The bullseye rash stayed at the tick bite site but also started spreading around Ryan's body for the next 4 months.

I took this picture of Ryan (the bullseye rashes) in June 2014, a month after being bitten by the tick

We took Ryan to the doctor as soon as his first symptoms started but did not know about the tick bite during his first couple of visits.  At the doctor, he was first diagnosed with having an allergic reaction and then with a virus that was said to last about 3 weeks and did not require antibiotics.  Within the first week (and 2 doctors appointments later), Ryan told us about the tick he had pulled out of the side of his stomach.  When he lifted his shirt to show us where the tick had been there was a huge bullseye rash at the site.  We called the Doctor and told him what we had learned (Ry had been bit).  I also started googling what kind of reactions you could have if you were bit by a tick.  This was not the first time my boys had been bit by ticks- We lived in a wooded tick ridden area at the time and they both love the outdoors- Prior to this, we didn't think twice about tick bites.

It was mid June by this time and Ryan had been sick for 4 weeks- each day getting progressively worse.  He had missed most of the last 3 weeks of school because he did not have the energy to go.
One side of his face had started tingling off and on and he was starting to have some other unusual symptoms.
I had done enough research to know that Ryan was showing very classic symptoms of Lyme (blasted tick!!) and also knew that diagnosing the Lyme would likely need to be done by a specialist- It is tricky to diagnose and most often done by someone who is specially trained in treating it (as opposed to a general practitioner).  
During this time, my friend Deb's mom, Darlene, was getting pedicures from a woman whose daughter had also been bit by a tick (she lives in our area).  Her daughter had become sick, much like Ryan.  This family had found a Lyme Literate doctor in a town three hours away who was able to diagnose the Lyme.  Darlene found out the name of the Lyme Literate doctor and passed it on to Deb- Deb passed it on to me....Love how God connects the dots for us and brings the right information along right when we need it.

We were able to make an appointment with the same doctor and Ryan was diagnosed with Lyme Disease 6 weeks after being bitten by the tick.
The Lyme had 6 weeks to rack havoc on his body (in Oregon, this is a short time- most people go for years undiagnosed) 
He spent the next 6 months on 2 antibiotics a day and by mid December (2014) he was not showing any more symptoms of the Lyme so was able to go off of the antibiotics.
During this time, the local family whose daughter was battling Lyme, had found out about a treatment in Germany that has outstanding results when it comes to treating Lyme. 

When it comes to treating Lyme effectively, both the Holistic and the Pharmaceutical worlds must pull together.  We have mastered so many things in the United States but we have not mastered this.  The Germans (and most of the European Countries) have proven that among other things, high doses of Vitamin C along with IV Ozone, have a high success rate of beating Lyme.  Vitamin C and Oxygen can not be patented.  This means the US Pharmaceutical Companies can't profit from the use of it but they can profit from the use of the antibiotics used to 'manage' Lyme.

Ryan started showing symptoms of Lyme again this past August (2015).  We took him back up to his  Lyme Literate doctor and had extensive testing done to find out if the Lyme was back.
Sept. 15, we learned that Ryan's Lyme was indeed back and it was determined it had been in his system for longer than 2 months (meaning it was from his original tick bite the previous May).  It was also considered 'chronic'- meaning that, according to statistics, it was not able to be cured but instead something he would need to manage for his lifetime.  The 'bouts' he would have to endure would look similar to his first bout (feeling really sick with all kinds of awful symptoms).  

When we learned the news, Matt and I, along with many of our close friends and family, began to pray that the Lord would give us a peace about the right direction to go.

Earlier this Spring, the local family who we had heard about the Lyme Literate Doctor from, took their daughter to Germany to receive treatment- the results were outstanding.  Bless this precious girls heart, she went to Germany in a wheel chair because the Lyme was wracking havoc on her body and came home symptom free.

Matt and I have said, from the beginning of Ryan's Lyme journey, that we would do everything we can to give Ry the best chance of beating Lyme.  If it is something he has to take into his adult life, it won't be because we didn't pull out all the stakes and give it our all (please know that for us, this means going to Germany- for other's, it may look like something different- not one way is better but it is a unique and individualized journey for each person/family who takes this road).

After much prayer and quite honestly, much agonizing as to what we felt like the best treatment for Ryan's Lyme was, we decided to go to Germany.

90 days from today, Januray 15, 2016, we will be traveling 5400 miles to a country we have never been to.  We will spend just under 11 weeks there as Ryan goes through treatment.

When you think of it, could you please pray for our Ryan- for his body to stay strong as he goes off of the antibiotics he has been on since days after the symptoms of his Lyme started coming back in August (German Protocol calls for him to be off antibiotics for 3 months prior to treatment for detox).  Could you please pray that he will tolerate the treatment well.  And could you please pray for all the details involved in transitioning life five thousand miles away for such an extended period of time.

As of today, Ryan is doing great- The Antibiotics have successfully suppressed the Lyme so that his symptoms are mild (constant low grade fever and a few other small symptoms).  We are so thankful for this and pray it continues as we count down the days until we leave.

Thank you for walking this journey with our family and for the support so many of you have shown.   May God Bless and keep each one of you.

The note that went to Ry's School from his doctor