the stirring and the churning

Several months ago I was sitting in Sunday School listening to a missionary talk.  At one point, he asked us to pray silently- to ourselves- and ask the Lord to lay on our heart if He was calling us to reach out to either those near or far
as I prayed, I could feel my heart stirring
the stirring in my heart quickly turned to a churning in my stomach
and stayed there in a well known form
fear.....
the fear of discomfort.
the fear of complete abandon
the fear of taking away ignorance in exchange for knowledge
ignorance can play pretend in a small world made up of comfort and control
knowledge calls for awareness and action- it calls most for accountability

Do I think the Lord is calling my family to the mission field
not like the norm
Do I think He is calling me and my family to more
yes
He didn't hang on the Cross so one could hold to comfort
He hung to rise so we would have the freedom
the freedom to follow His leading....
wherever
whenever
however
always leading to forever

Heavenly Father, please help me to lay the things of me down and pick up the things of Thee...

It's so hard Lord

It's so hard

Please guard and keep our Missionaries- those on the field and those rising up- Thank you for them and for the example they are of living beyond themselves.  Please give them a renewed sense of hope and purpose and please fill their hearts with the knowledge that what they are doing really does matter.....both in the now and into eternity.  I love you Lord Jesus 

interesting what one finds worth their list

We sat across the couch from each other tonight, My Matt and I, and discussed what was on our bucket list..
He with his and me with mine
interesting what one finds worth their list
how, out of all the things to wish for, we narrow it down to our few...the life that we hope will find us before it is through
will Matt get his Viper or I that visit to Niihau
maybe
maybe not
as i was telling Ryan about his daddy and mommy's bucket list he says
'i'm going to do what papa told me to do'
what's that?
'don't make a bucket list, if you want to do something...do it'

i hope you do sweetie (as long as whats on your bucket list is good God fearing stuff...smile)

but if not, know that there is something worth in having that list
a knowledge of thankfulness that instant gratification does not teach
either way, you won't be sorry

Matt's Bucket List:

1. Dropped off by a helicopter in the middle of the Alaskan Wilderness with no one around for 3 weeks....
2. Finish strong (life) and know my family is proud of me
3. Own a Dodge Viper
4. Own a vacation home in Hawaii
5. Spend a ton of time with my grand kids when we have them

My Bucket List:

1. Travel to China and spend 2 weeks in the Show Hope Orphanage - praying over the babies and loving on them
2. Spend 24 hours with an Amish Family in Lancaster PA......sharing meals with them etc.
3. Write a story, that is published in the Hana Hou, about what family life is like living on the the island of Niihau- to obtain this story, I would be able to spend time (week) being welcomed onto their island and into their home
4. Baja 500 (cause the 1000 would just be too long and grueling) with a good roll cage and amazing shocks....wouldn't that be something to compete in
5. To live in one place long enough to watch trees that I planted grow up...to watch them grow old....to know that we both have put down roots

On that note....

What's on your bucket list???

if your stressed and need to unwind :)

many a night i have laid on my couch when the house is asleep
laptop propped open
i have typed youtube in the browser
followed by 'animals farting'
and laughed my head off
laughed till tears poured down my face
(the rest of my family doesn't find much humor in it)

if you are stressed out and need to unwind
you find yourself a quiet corner
someplace where laughing out loud spontaneously will not draw attention
where, for but a moment or two you can loose yourself in the windy moment

and then click on the link below

bhahahahahahahahahaaaa!!
enjoy your Saturday night

a mommy's heart is a universal language

When the call came on Tuesday night it was prefaced with 'Steph, I've got to tell you something that will make you so sad...'
The caller had heard from one of our mutual friends some devastating news.
'Tiffany's son Obi took his life today'
Tiffany grew up down the street from my husband Matt...We all went to high school together...My senior year and Tiffany's Junior year we hung out quite a bit- made some funny memories and made some crazy memories......a friend that will forever hold a special place in my heart
Life took us in separate directions after high school but we stayed in contact enough to know what was going on in each other's lives (thank you facebook). I had Eli and a year later she had Jeshuah....I had Ryan and a year later she had Obi.....our daughters were born 10 years apart
It wouldn't have mattered though, even if facebook and random seeing each other around town had not kept us up to date with each other...
Hearing the news about her son Obi would still have brought me to tears
it still would have placed her and her family on my mind many times a day
It would have touched me just as deep
If your a mommy (or a daddy) your going to understand what I am about to say
We share something universal
something that social class, age, demographic, time, or season can not take from us
we might differ on political views and religious views- we may not agree on any other topic

BUT

we will share the same language when it comes to our babies
you get us mommy's talking about our kids and you've got yourself the most harmonious conversation you will ever hear
you know why
Love
Besides the love of Christ...there is nothing that will beat the love of a mother
we love passionately
we love protectively
we love past pretense or political correctness
in our universal love we will stand with other moms, heart to heart, in their joys and in their grief

I have talked with several of our classmates....21 years graduated doesn't matter
we are all grieving the same
I have talked with several ladies that do not know Tiffany or her family
they are grieving the same

Tiffany....There are so many who are standing with you and your family in prayer- So many who are kneeling in grief- hands held high to heaven- asking our Heavenly Father to cover your family with comfort, strength, and peace.  We love you.

For those that read this could you please take a minute and lift Tiffany and her family up in prayer...
pray for a mommy whose baby went home to Heaven earlier than what she would have chosen
pray for Obi's brothers and sister
pray for 2 dad's- a biological and a step
pray for Obi's extended family- grandma's and grandpa's, aunts and uncles

Psalm 34:18  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

As I close this blog post the lyrics from the song 'Come as you are' speak life. speak hope. speak truth.......'Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal'

pictures of our farmer...

Yesterday afternoon Ry took our tractor and disc to a property we own about 30 miles away (In Oregon, a farm vehicle can be driven on a public road with nothing more than a orange triangle on the back- it can also be driven by someone who does not have a drivers license....When Matt told me Ry would be driving the tractor I called the Oregon Farm Bureau to find out the rules...Was shocked how lenient the rules for agriculture equipment are- YAY for the farmer who has to transport equipment).  Matt and I got to follow behind....going 15 miles....for two and a half hours.  At random times we would both point something out and say 'have you ever seen that before?'....We are normally speeding down our highway going 60 so when you slow it down 45 mph your view is completely different :)
We sold our primary residence almost a year and a half ago, right around the time Matt took the job at the ranch we live on now.  Last summer, after much conversation about where we wanted our primary residence to be when the job here at the ranch was over (the ranch has been up for sale for almost a year- Matt's job contract goes through the sale of the ranch), we decided on a place.  When we were making our decision, we were thinking long term.  15-18 years long term (the longest we have lived in one house is 5 years).  Matt wanted enough land to have cows and I wanted to look outside my window and see people walking by.  When we were looking at property advertisements words like 'isolated and remote' to me were like 'I-so-hate-it and 'revoked'....hee
Our whole family ended up loving 16 acres (15.99 technically) just outside the city limits of the little town that our church is in- the same town where our last primary residence was- the same town where our Eli is interning at the Fire Department and hopes to work someday.  The property has a 1200 square foot house that we will put a modest addition on before moving in (right now it is 2 bedroom 2 bath- our goal is to add a bedroom).....The property is also bordered by 2 busy roads and sits across the street from a decent size subdivision- we are surrounded by people (WHOOP WHOOP).
Ryan has been really interested in farming.  He comes by it justly as Matt's family are Dutch Dairy Farmers.  About 14 of the 16 acres we bought is farm type land that is in need of being planted with pasture grass for cow feed.
Ry is just the guy for the job!!



getting ready to leave the ranch

It was funny watching people in the opposite lane scoot WAY over even through Ry was not close to the middle line



still 15 miles away and it was getting dark

5 miles away- glad the tractor had head lights

Today

Ellie and I stopped by for a visit

Awesome Job Ry!!

my matt's take on Leviticus :)

When it comes to the daily workings of our family life, I am the intense one......my boys know just how to get me riled up (Matt included) and I fall hook, line, and sinker for it every time....
they will say things like...'as long as I get a D or above on my report card, I'm good to go'
to which I intensely reply...'you get a D and you won't be driving for a long while....mommy will drive you everywhere...'
I know in my heart they are joking when they say random things that- especially since they know it is against what we stand for BUT the intense side of my personality just can't let it go...
Matt on the other hand laughs right along with them and shakes his head at me as I am doing the reprimand
'Steph, they are working you....they only say those things because they know they can get to you!'
and the response I have to my Matt is
'Ya, you know why they like to get me all riled up....they are just copying what their daddy does'
When it comes to the daily workings of our work life, Matt is the intense one....
But since we're not talking about that, I will stay on topic and go where I'm going without taking some sort of a rabbit trail :)
Our Bible Study group is doing a 90 day read through the Bible.  In early December, on a total whim, I asked Matt if he would want to read through with us....not actually attending study but following the plan at home.  Matt and I had planned on listening to some together and some separate- last night we decided to listen together....we were just starting Leviticus....
my brain is intensely listening for nuggets of wisdom.....it's  pondering what the Israelites have just gone through and how hard it is to make a sacrifice for sin.....
we were listening to Matt's Ipod- each of us with one of the ear buds....since we each just had one ear bud in, the sounds around me were still evident.  I asked Matt several times 'have you fallen asleep' to which he would reply 'NO, why do you keep asking me that'....
I didn't know someone could snore while they were awake is what I wanted to say but I didn't- it didn't seem rude to say but it did seem like it would take up to much speaking space when I should be listening....
by this time we had heard over 10 times, as an animal sacrifice was made, that the 'aroma was pleasing to the Lord'
looking back, my Matt must have been listening because about 30 minutes in I hear him say.....
'Man, the Lord really must have liked the smell of beef- I wonder if He liked BBQ'
of course my intense personality fired back an explanation that the aroma was pleasing not because of the smell of the food but because of the representation of the sacrifice....'
I knew Matt already knew all of this but was just trying to make me think he didn't understand...he knew I would get all fired up :)
when it was quiet again between us, only the narratives voice speaking out sacrifices in Leviticus, I could not help but pay attention to every time the narrator would say that an aroma was pleasing to the Lord....and then I would think about Matt wondering if the Lord liked BBQ....and then I would laugh to myself
and I laughed all day today
I even laughed in my heart as I prayed
it still makes me laugh even as I type it out

Love you baby and thanks for the (Biblical BBQ) laugh!!

p.s. betcha Jesus did love Him some BBQ when he was here on earth :) :)

worst smells EVER

As I jumped out of the shower this morning....actually you can't jump out of my shower- It has a 2 ft high ledge that is concrete and tile so that it can double as a very large bathtub/2 shower head combo...I tried jumping out of it just after we moved here and hit the front of my lower leg mid way though my leap of faith- the bruise healing was long and grueling...I think I have a permanent dent in my bone from it.
Back to carefully stepping out of my shower this morning.....I grabbed the towel hanging from the shower door and wrapped it around me.  It took but 2 seconds for the one nostril lift with a sharp sniff
WHAT IS THAT SMELL
The towel I was using had been found on the back of the bathroom door- not sure how long it has hung there or how many times it had been used before finding it's hanging spot on the shower that morning BUT judging from the smell, it had dried many a crack in it's unwashed state :)
I quickly took it off of me and threw it in the dirty clothes bin while thinking to myself.....
dirty towels are the WORST SMELL EVER! 
After this incident, and as I was putting on my makeup, I started thinking about some of the worst smells personally ever smelt and then busted up laughing....

• when someone burps in a warm car and you know exactly what they have eaten, only the rotten smell version of it, by the smell.....WORST SMELL EVER!
• forgetting to start the dishwasher, filled with dirty dishes, before that 2 week long trip.......WORST SMELL EVER!
• another warm car one.....when the doors are shut and the windows are up with the heater blasting and suddenly you smell 'the' smell.....everyone's soles get flipped until the sticky brown paste like substance is found (which has also spread to the floor mat)...dog poop is the WORST SMELL EVER!
• while running 16's during high school basket ball practice and the girl in front of you projectile vomits so that it hits the ground right in front of your next step....you run through it before you can stop yourself (feeling the squish of the liquid and food on the bottom of your feet) and the smell hits you full in the face (which makes you vomit).....WORST SMELL EVER
• diarrhea....oh my gosh the smell is awful....how does it not kill you from the inside out- how does one's body even produce such a smell...I spent several days with the big D over Christmas and was impressedly grossed out at the tenacity our bodies have to reproduce not only the smell but the amount every half hour for hours and hours...It's like some sort of morbid grand finale that our intestines put on to celebrate that they really are in control.....I didn't even have the courage to leave my house for fear being more than 2 seconds from a toilet......diarrhea is THE WORST SMELL EVER!!

Hope you are all having a great Monday :)

picture compliments of google images....thanks google!