how my parents euro's got us a windmill

My parents were in Germany a couple weeks back.  As they were getting ready to leave, they handed me the Euro's that they did not use on their trip and said, 'Oh sweetie, do something fun with these.'

That same week, we learned that the nurse who is treating Ryan's Lyme thinks that 10 weeks of treatment will be sufficient (instead of the 12 weeks that was first thought).  We all agreed that Ryan would have a Lyme test pulled on the very last day of his treatment, March 24.  The test will take 2 weeks to get the results and instead of us waiting in Germany for a positive or negative, we would go home and receive the news by e-mail.  We could choose to stay here during the waiting period and once the results are received, decide what to do from there (continue treatment or not).   We have chosen not to take that route, at least at this point.  Our decision is not because we do not fully appreciate and feel like Ryan is receiving the best treatment available, but instead because, if the test comes back positive, we know his Lyme is in remission and we would choose to manage it from Oregon as needed.  It would also tell us that his Lyme will not be beat but instead managed throughout his lifetime (from what we've heard, success rate for the treatment he is going through is about 90%).  From all of these decisions, we know that our family will fly home sometime between March 25-27.  Matt and I are throwing around Ellie and I flying home next week while he and Ry finish out the remaining 3 weeks- Ryan has 5 of his cousins flying into Germany next Monday to spend the last 2 and a half weeks of Ryan's treatment traveling around and spending time with him....I don't think he would miss Elle's or I :)

So, back to my parents Euro's and seeing something fun.....

With the strong possibility of Ellie and I leaving late next week, we had one thing left on our 'Europe to-do list' that we have not done.....

See Holland.

My Matt's family is Dutch and his grandparents were from Holland (both sets) so, naturally, seeing Holland was something that was important to us.  It was $18. to switch Matt's flight from a Stuttgart, Germany arrival to an Amsterdam, Netherlands (Holland) arrival.  It was an almost 7 hour drive for Ryan, Elle's, and I yesterday to travel from Schwabisch Hall, Germany to Amsterdam (we came up a night early and stayed in a little bed and breakfast last night).

When Matt's ticket was secured and we knew Holland was happening for sure, I started checking into  where we would stay.  In my mind, it needed to be something special- something local and authentic. Something we would remember for a lifetime.

When the windmill came up in the search engine, I immediately looked at the price.  For our 3 night stay, it was over twice as much as the amount of Euro's my parents had left.  It was purposed in my mind to not go over that amount but I didn't want to rule out the windmill completely.  It's not peak season in Europe yet and the weather is less than ideal- this mixed with what my friend Kathy had told me (she has e-mailed owners of vacation homes before to ask if they were willing to offer better deals than what was advertised), I sent the owners an e-mail and asked if they would be willing to accept the amount from my parents....they were so gracious and said 'yes!'

Put on your bucket list a visit to Holland, staying in an an authentic windmill that has been rehabbed.

WOW- it is beautiful!!

I copy and pasted some pictures off of the advertising website (cause it's exactly what it looks like) and then added some of my own.

P.S. Thank you mom and pops- we love you guys

I snapped this picture from the back side of the windmill

If you look closely, the roof looks like a pressed hay bale

you eat on dutch tableware

Typing this blog post from the living room of the windmill
p.s. my leggings need lint rolled!!

there are some who...

There are some who, upon entering into the world of those suffering, allow their heart to become callous.  They justify away the needs of others so that their own comfort zone and control can stay put.  Their opinion of how the other should be presenting their sorrow trumps, and listening with their heart is lost.  This allows their own self centeredness to win, stepping on the one suffering in the process.

I have been guilty of this

There are some who, upon entering into the world of those suffering, allow their emotions to rule- they give and they give and they give with no boundary or thought.  Pretty soon, they are all given out and burnt out.  In their burn out, they feel the weight of how they failed.  It’s a helpless feeling, really- you’ve given all and it is still not enough.  The failed opinion of self becomes the focus.  It becomes easier to shy away from reaching into the world of the suffering because of your perceived failure, and once again, self-centeredness wins.

I have been guilty of this

There are some who, upon entering into the world of those suffering, allow their Christian Jargon to fill the room…’I’m so sorry, I’ll be praying for you’, even going to the extent of praying for the person right there. All the right words are said in the prayer but empathy and heart are missing- you move on without really hearing the suffering  person because you are too consumed with trying  to control how much time you spend with the them- your busy and need to get onto the next task on your list .  Your focus of self, what you think you should be doing, your to do list and tasks are what is most important and once again, self centeredness wins.

I have been so guilty of this

There are some who, upon entering into the world of those suffering, allow the Lord to direct their steps- they allow the Lord to direct their thoughts and their time- they allow the Lord to fill them continuously with His love so that they may share it with others.  They come into contact with the precious suffering soul and breath hope and healing into the places that sorrow has broken.  They give, not in a way that drains them, but in a way that fills them and the one suffering….They focus on Jesus, who is the giver of love and empathy, and trust His leading in their life.  Self is not recognized as leader but instead Jesus is.  This is the easiest for the Christian to 'say' they are but the hardest to be. 

Lord Jesus, please help me to become this way. 

chasing fear to truth

One of the most valuable tools I learned in overcoming panic attacks was to chase the fear.
Whatever it was that I was fearing (the list of what I didn't fear would have been much shorter than the list of things I feared), I learned to follow my fearful thoughts all the way to the end- In doing this, the thought would loose it's control over me because there was no place my mind could go with that fearful thought that wasn't already hashed out between the Lord and I.

I am afraid of _________________.
What is the worst thing that could happen if this fear came true ____________________.

Years ago, when the fear chasing first started, I would be a heart pounding, hyper-ventelateing, fright or flight mess by the time I had mentally made it through the first thirty seconds of thinking through my fears.  I really thought that if I started facing some of my fears, I would go crazy- the thoughts alone were sending me into panic attacks, I couldn't imagine what would happen if I confronted the fear and actually faced it.  I have learned that this is not the case, it is in facing our fears, through the strength of Christ, that we find an unshakable peace.

'Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.'

Psalm 51:6

The challenge of fear chasing has been intense during this season.  Many nights, I have laid awake, with my Bible under my pillow, and fear chased...

• I am afraid of not being strong enough- the weight of facing each day, compartmentalizing the deep feeling of homesickness and carrying on as usual, feels so heavy....what if, under the pressure, I break
• I am afraid of safety- not because it feels unsafe here (our town is small with an overall feeling of security) but the reality is, I am with my 4 year old daughter and 16 year old son in a country over 5000 miles away from home- We don't speak the language and are here during a refugee crisis.  
• I am afraid of my Ryan's Lyme- Our family won't back down from fighting it but what if our fight is not enough
• I am afraid of others who are suffering- I can't take the pain away for them which makes it hard not to feel helpless
• I am afraid of being so far away from Matt and Eli- my heart literally aches from missing them
• I am afraid that my inability to go visit a concentration camp memorial or go visit sister Hatune (who is helping deliver women from sex slavery) while we are here in Germany is either a sign of good boundaries on my part or spiritual weakness, I can't decide which- I'm an internalizer and will carry the weight of another's hurts....I will process what those who entered the gates of the concentration camp went through (or the precious girls who have escaped sex slavery) and don't think I have the emotional capacity to give to processing their sorrow right now so am avoiding it all together

The list could go on and on.....

To every fearful thought I am chasing right now, the answer is all the same.  

'Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.'

John 8:32

'For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.'

2 Timothy 1:7

The truth shall set us free and the Lord does not give fear (fear is from satan), He gives power, love, and a sound mind.

The truth that God is talking about in John 8:32 is the same truth that is giving me the strength to face each day and calm my fearful thoughts...

What is the worst thing that could happen if my fear, or any of our fears came true.  Where can we find the power, love, and sound mind that God is calling us to walk in...

It is the truth that no matter what ever happens, God will still be on the Throne, He will still be in control, He would still be giving us the strength to face whatever He allows to come our way. It is the truth that nothing can ever separate us from Christ or the love He has for us.  It may not be easy to face what He has allowed to happen in our lives BUT He will walk through it with us, giving us His comfort, strength, love, and peace the entire time.  It is also the hope of eternity- life is so short with no promise of tomorrow but eternity has the promise of forever.

Thank you Lord Jesus that fear chasing leads me straight to you- straight to your comfort and strength.  Thank you that 'He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the Shadow of the Almighty' (Ps. 91) and that your shelter and rest means a deep, rock solid peace that no matter what, you are in control and will see us through.  Please Jesus, guard and comfort all of those who are suffering and sorrowing tonight- please draw them to you and give them a peace that passes all understanding. Please wrap your loving arms around them and fill them with the knowledge that you are cherishing every tear they cry.  Lord, please let them know that their sorrow and hard time is not in vain- please fill them with the hope that from their pain you will rise up beauty and strength.  Please let them not give up in despair.  I love you Lord Jesus and thank you so much for dying on the cross so that we may live a life abundant both here and into eternity....Amen'

The yellow ribbon is in memory of my childhood friend Kristin's young son, Ethan.
The Lord choose to bring him home this week-
May Kristin and her family feel God's presence and comfort in a supernatural way as they walk through this season and may all of you who read this please talk a minute and lift this family up in prayer.

see you in 70,560 seconds

In 7 weeks, or 49 days, or 1176 hours, or 70,560 seconds, I will get to see my Eli.

But whose counting.

P.S. My sis took the picture below of Eli at the airport when we were leaving. 

I miss you so much kid pup-

Love you, pray for you lots, and am very proud of you.....see you in 70,560 seconds

breakfast and dinner kind of gals

Here's what I love about friendship, at least the friends in my life.
We've all been friends long enough (a decade behind us) to get each other.  By the time your middle aged, juggling all that middle age entails, you don't have time to explain yourself.  Your too tired and too unenamored with yourself to pretend like your anything other than what you are.  For the friendships newer than a decade, they feel so based in reality, we would have repelled each other right out of the gate if it wasn't going to work.
Just after finding out that Lyme was still in Ryan's system (Sept. 15), my friend Deb and I went walking- she had gotten off of work around 7 p.m. and I didn't have to pick up Ellie from AWANA until 8 so we decided to take a half hour walk in the subdivision across the street from my house.
'I think we're going to take Ryan to Germany Deb'
'I figured'
'You did?'
'Yes, and I've already looked at tickets to see if it's possible to come visit you' (a gracious donor ended up giving deb enough miles to make the trip- thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!')
and it was settled, Deb was coming for a visit to Germany.  Praise Jesus!!
A month of so later, in mid to late October, I was dropping off Ellie at AWANA at our church and popped my head into my friend Kristi's office (she is one of the children's ministry coordinators).
'Hey!'
'Hey!' Kristi said back and then shut down her laptop and pushed back her chair.
As I sat down across from her, something that rarely happens (especially not in public places and very rarely around others) happened.  I begin sobbing.  Not crying (this, I've done in public) but sobbing.
As Kristi talked words of comfort, I knew that she knew where my heart was...She know's because she's walked the road of having a sick child- It was only 4 years ago that Deb, our friend Treva, and I made the trip down to Stanford University Medical Center to visit her while she sat with her young son Nick as he recovered.  Nick was having heart surgery.
'I would like to come visit you in Germany'
She wasn't quite sure if it was going to be possible but we both agreed that if God wanted her here, He would get her here.  He knew her finances and whether it would work for her family.
Like Deb, the Lord allowed miles to come together and her trip to be booked- not only was she able to come, but she was able to get on the same flight as Deb.
As the trip got closer, we discussed what it would look like for me and what it would look like for them.  Very few words needed to be used....we just got it.
'I'll keep the home front going while you guys go check things out'
'Sounds great'
When Matt and Isaiah were in Germany, we put right at 3500 miles on the car we rented- we saw us some sights!  When Matt comes back at the beginning of March, we plan on seeing us some more sights (only this time in Holland).
Deb, Kristi, and I get together for breakfast
then they head out and see a lot of amazing sights, many of which I've been able to see
I keep doing the normal while they are gone (Ry's treatments, taking care of Elle, cooking, etc.)
then we all get together for dinner
and talk way too late into the night (solving all of the worlds problems of course...smile)
go to bed
and do it all again the next day
IT'S FABULOUS!!

We're breakfast and dinner kind of gals

Thank you Jesus for the gift of friendship.

this pic was just taken just after Deb (far Right) and Kristi landed here in Germany 

Celebrating my birthday and Treva's husband Jeff's birthday

At the airport in our hometown, waiting for Deb's daughter, Arielle, to land after being a foreign exchange student in Russia for a school year

Visiting Kristi at Stanford during Nick's heart surgery

On a visit back home when I lived in Hawaii

hee!

Auf Wiedersehen Schweinefleisch

My sister moved to Denver in the mid 90's so that she could attend Youth With a Mission.  She came home a couple of years later with a HUGE dislike for turkey- Anything turkey.  The smell, the taste, the sight.  I would roll my eyes and be like 'Sis, your so dramatic- Turkey's so good, how can you hate the taste (smell, sight) of it?'  Even at Thanksgiving, she would refuse to eat it and go for the ham, or whatever other meat was available (except for fish- that was up there with turkey for her).  She said that at YWAM they would eat turkey day after day after day...and one day she knew she was over it.
Done
Just like that
RIP Turkey

Here we are, 24 days in Germany.
We are in the land of pork...
you go out to dinner and it's schnitzel this schnitzel that- always schnitzel pork
you go to the grocery store and it's not ground beef, it's ground pork
you try to buy stew meat and it's....you guessed it- a whole lot of pork in the package and a stingy bit of beef
you go to buy a hot dog at a stand and ask what it's made out of...hint, the first letter starts with P and the last with K
you drink your gas water (carbonated bitter water) while you eat your schnitzel pork and wash it all down with cabbage flavored with pork
OH MY GOSH
AAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKK!

I'll be the first to admit I have food phobias.  Certain food really gross me out and it's not even reasonable reasons why.  It started as a child and has carried me through 40 years.
Mayonnaise from the time I was in 5th grade until late 20's
Cooked Carrots from birth until mid 30's
Curry...for as long as I can remember and still despise it to this day
Buffet food...WHY would anyone think it was a good idea to put food under 'warmers' and leave it out all day (never mind the fact the masses serving themselves hanging their heads over the food and getting their dirty hands next to it)
brown eggs.

By 2 weeks here, the pork was getting old- It was still fine but starting to wear it's welcome out.
Late last week, just before Matt flew home, we took a drive.
At one point, we thought we were pulling up to a dairy farm to take a look around (drive around it)
It was a pork farm
that stench
THE STENCH
they keep their pigs inside at this farm
I knew when we were driving away it would be along time, if ever, before I would be able to eat pork again.
I cringe when I see it at the grocery store and the thought of Schnitzeled Pork...oh no, no, NO

Sis, please forgive me for being annoyed at your dislike of turkey!!

RIP pork

or as they say in Germany:

  

Auf Wiedersehen Schweinefleisch Ich Mag dich Nicht Mehr

(Goodbye Pork, I like you not anymore)

Pork Schnitzel from the first time we went out to eat in Germany....eeeeewwwww!

Heidelberg Castle

Ry, Ellie, and I headed to an English speaking Calvary Chapel Church this morning.  It was in a town about an hour North of us called Heidelberg.  We have a great German Speaking Church in our town (there is someone who translates for us) but decided that we would take a short road trip and catch some sights after church.
Heidelberg Castle kept coming up on Trip Advisor as a the number one place to see in the town.  Over 3000 people had contributed to the comments of how awesome it is so we thought we would take a look for ourselves.
We were able to see Neuschwanstein Castle in late January.  Maybe it was the fact it had recently snowed- giving the castle a winter wonderland effect.  Or maybe it was the Alps as the backdrop, or it could have been the artistic beauty of the castle architecture- Whatever it was, the castle and surrounding area was breathtaking.
I figured seeing castles was one and done- we had seen the ultimate castle so time to move on to other things- wrong!!
The raw edge of the Heidelberg Castle was the first thing noticed as we came up around a sharp turn in the road, leading us up to the parking area.  For as breathtaking as the refinement was of Neuschwanstein, the ruggedness of Heidelberg was equally breathtaking.  You could feel and see the decades old stones you were walking on- you could see a mixture of still standing and ruined parts of the castle.  You see authentic history, not a man made recreation- it was awesome.
For those planning a trip to Germany, put this castle on your list- you will not be disappointed (but make sure to put Neuschwanstein on your list too).
P.S. True to what we have experienced so far in Germany- sightseeing is very affordable.  Entrance to the castle for the 3 of us was 11 Euro (7. for me, 4. for Ry, and free for Ellie)