an unguarded moment of almost 41

There is something incredibly real about the picture below.
Something that shows an unguarded moment of what it looks like to be almost 41.
It shows a moment where my husband, unbeknownst to me, picked up my camera and took a picture-
One that later he described to me as beautiful....
To which I replied with an eye roll and then went on to point out everything I observed wrong with the image I saw in the picture...
wrinkles
gray hair
big pores
heavy eye lids
uneven eye brows
and so on
I didn't say this to make Matt contradict what I was saying- I was saying it because it's truth in my eyes....
unswayed, Matt replied with what he started with 'your beautiful, Steph'

To get older emotionally is amazing- you are so thankful for the ground you have covered and for the maturity that comes with covering that ground.  Life lessons that only age can teach...

To get older physically is so intimidating

our world is so much about the outward beauty.
inward beauty without outward is scoffed- it's put down and shamed.  with age, our world tries to teach that you automatically become invisible and cast aside for the newer younger version

the balance of not depicting our worth on what we see, on the outside, is a constant challenge for us women.  To feel truly worthy and beautiful when the world tells us we are anything but...

it seems like it all comes down to who we are letting determine what we are worthy of-
does the world determine our worth
or do we let the very One who created us, the very One who called our precious life into existence, the very One who said that we are wonderfully and fearfully made (Ps. 139) determine our self worth.
I so much appreciate that the Lord knew, as women, we would struggle with allowing ourselves to feel beautiful as we age.  I also so much appreciate that He addresses the very issue of beauty and age in the same sentence in the Bible.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Really think about some of the most beautiful women you know or have known...
consider what made them beautiful
it had nothing to do with how wrinkle free they were or how small their pores were...
nope...
it had everything to do with the beauty of their heart and the light you saw shining out of their soul.
Jesus in us, shining through, is what beautiful is!!  

No matter what you hear, especially from your self, you are wonderfully made.
you are beautiful.....
so am I (I'm talking inward, the beauty that never fades- I'm talking Jesus shining through us)

Thank you Lord Jesus!!

a visual thousand words

Sometimes, pictures are worth a thousand words.
Saturday night was a beautiful evening with friends and family celebrating the 39th Anniversary of two very dear people-
My Auntie Anne and Uncle Reid.
We ate, danced (square), and visited...

Enjoy the visual thousand words!!

P.S. Patrick and Molly you were missed (so were you aunt Petra and uncle Paul)

Aunt Anne and Uncle Reid

My dad, Ry, and nephew Ben

So sweet that my Aunt Anne is holding my nephew Jordan's hand :)

Ellie and Gretta

Add caption

My cousin Anna (L) and sister in law Liz (Levi's wife)

my sis Jodi and brother Levi

This is one of my personal favorite pictures taken Sat. night- Claire's smile is priceless

Levi and Liz

My brothers (Chris is on the left) and my youngest nephew Jett

Ryan's I AM poem

At school, Ryan had to write a poem about who he is- When I saw what he wrote and the pictures he chose to display, it brought both Matt and I to tears.

We are so proud of who you are Ry and we love you lots!!

Great job on the poem.....

'I am from the bullets out of my grandpa's gun

From peanut butter sandwiches and nasty eggs

I am from the small house with the big shop

And the smell of stew cooking on the stove

I am from orchard grass fields and palm trees

Who blew in the wind, calming the soul

I am from never waiting until Christmas morning

And big family dinners

From Jolings and Huttemas

I am from dirt bikes, 3 wheelers, and street bikes

I am from be strong and courageous

To singing the Beach Boys on the way to school

I am from Christmas dinners with nan and pops

I am from Deutschland to Medford

To roast and mashed potatoes on Sunday

From big crashes and scars

And ending at grandpa's flag on grandma's table'

a lesson from big beach

Just South of Wailea, on the Island of Maui (Hawaii), is Makena State Park.  Makena State Park is known for it's popular beach, 'Big Beach'.  Big Beach is about a mile and a half long and has a large sand area along with a great surf.
When our family visit's Maui, we spend most mornings at Big Beach, boogie boarding or body surfing.  I'm not a boogie boarder or body surfer but a floater- I will float in the water, just beyond the crashing surf, and enjoy watching everyone (Floating is appealing because I don't enjoy  sand enema's or having my bathing suit ripped off from riding the big waves in :).

One of the first times I was floating at Big Beach, I was taught a valuable learning lesson about the waves.  Waves will come in sets.  You will have small comfortable waves for a length of time, and then, out of the blue, a larger set of waves will take those comfortable wave's place.  It may be just two or three larger waves and then the ocean will resume back to the smaller comfortable waves, or it may be many larger waves, one large set after another.

Matt was floating with me, beyond the break of the waves, this particular morning. We were enjoying the smaller swells when the first set of larger waves started coming in.  I was immediately  uncomfortable because of the need to swim just a bit farther out so that the wave would not crash on us.  We both realized, within minutes, that the swells were not letting up with just one or two waves.  The waves were increasing in size and had become too big for us to get back to shore (at least for me).

'If we swim just a bit farther out, Steph, where the waves are only small swells, the water will be calmer.  You will only need to tread water and float until this set of waves pass' was what Matt was telling me.

I know how to tread water
I also know how to float
But doing these two things, farther from shore than what I was comfortable with, was making me start to panic.  I wanted nothing more than to swim right back to the shore and place my feet on that sandy ground (and then high tail it out of there).

I swam after Matt as we made our way farther out.  We treaded water and floated until there was a break in the sets and it was safe to swim back to shore.  We were completely safe but the experience was a stretch for me.

'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' (Matt 11:28)

Sometimes, the Lord allows our life circumstances to become bigger than what we are comfortable with.  Sometimes, our circumstances are like those sets of waves at Big Beach, coming in one after another.  Circumstances that become so big, it is impossible to get back to the shore of our comfort zone- a place where we feel more in control, where we feel a sense of stability and calm.

It is in times like these, when we are forced out of our comfort zone, forced by circumstances into situations where our emotions are telling us to panic, that we are given the opportunity to rely on our Heavenly Father even more.  We get to 'tread water' by pressing into His Word and praying without ceasing- things that the Christian life have equipped us to do.  We get to rest in the fact that He is working all things out for His glory and our good, even if our circumstances don't change or maybe they are getting worse.  We also get to learn the refining self discipline of resting in the Lord when everything in us wants to feel weary and burdened- when everything in us wants to quit.  We get to see His strength in our weakness and know that it is only through Him we made it through.  Best of all, we get to know Jesus more, becoming more like Him,  as we walk through our difficulties and struggles trusting and relying on Him.

For this I am thankful and for this reason, we press on.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your constant presence in our lives.  Thank you for your never ending love and peace.  Thank you for your sovereign hand guiding our lives at all times.
I love you Dear Lord Jesus

my boys boogie boarding at Big Beach :)

knees and ticks

The Saturday before last, I thought my boys were sitting out in our field chatting it up.  What I didn't realize, until several minutes later, was that Matt's knee had given out and the boys were trying to help him get to the house.
We got him loaded up in my car and he and I headed off to the hospital (the boys met us there).  I was trying to decide if he should just go to urgent care or the hospital. We both settled on the hospital because of the amount of pain he was in,
The ER visit sent Matt out with a referral to the Orthopedic doctor's office
Orthopedic Doctor did an exam on Matt's knee and then sent him for an MRI
The MRI was today
A little over an hour after the MRI was done and we were gone, the doctor's office called and said they would like to see Matt tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. and that he needed to be using both of the crutches he was issued at the hospital during his ER visit (you know, those $25 crutches that the ER charges $500. for....smile).

12 days after Matt's knee injury and he's still hobbling
still in lots of pain
things just aren't right

The woman checking Matt in when he was getting his MRI said he could, if he choose, get a report of the MRI later on this afternoon.  Once the Orthopedic's office had called and said Matt needed to be using both of his crutches, we got super curious about what the MRI results said about his knee- I ran and grabbed a copy of the report.

It will be interesting what comes out of the visit tomorrow.  The report has 5 numbered bullet points under 'Findings' that are summarized like this:

1. Extensive acute internal derangement with periarticular osseous fractures and large, layering lipohemarthrosis.
2. Complete ACL tear (AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!) p.s. the AAAAAHHHHH!!! is not on the report, I added this in :)
3. Medial and lateral meniscal tears
4. Grade 2 MCL sprain
5. Fibular head fracture with surrounding soft tissue edema and possible disruption of the proximal tibiofibular ligaments.  The static elements of the posterolateral corner are not seen and may be involved

My poor Matt.  Hate seeing him in so much pain- He's a trooper and continues to go to work and tough it out.  I'm so glad he's in good hands and getting some answers.  Hoping that from the answers we get tomorrow he can start on the road to complete recovery (whatever that looks like).

Here we are, waiting for Matt's MRI- He's still as ornery as ever and still has his sense of humor :) :)

Totally changing the subject....
Ellie's tick arrived to the clinic in Maryland to be tested today.  It will be tested for Lyme, Tularemia, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.  We also ended up having her go on preventative antibiotics for the tick bite.  While the preventative antibiotic method may not be for everyone, it is the right choice for our family at this point.
When you pay for the testing, you get a link that you can click on at any time to see the status of the testing.   I appreciate this type of communication that Tick Encounter provides (that the results are available to you just as soon as they know, as opposed to waiting for communication via mail).  We should know the results no later than Tuesday of next week.

And so we rally as a family
And trust God with all the details and results.

ellie's tick bite (UPDATED)

We've been asked quite a bit, 'what would you do if someone in your family was bit by a tick?'.....

For those that do not want to read this entire blog post, here is a bullet point list of the steps to take if you are bitten (if I have have missed a step, please message me so I can get it added):

• Remove the tick, including the head of the tick
• Immediately put the tick in a zip lock plastic bag and place in the freezer.  Mark on the zip lock bag the date you were bitten by the tick 
• Mark on your calendar the date you were bit and start watching for symptoms of Lyme Disease.  The symptoms will usually not begin showing for 2 weeks but can begin sooner or later.
• Do your best to identify what type of tick you were bitten by (see below for the tick identification chart)
• Begin watching the bite site.  If you notice the spot developes a rash or raised area around it, take your tick out of the freezer and get it sent off IMMEDIATELY to a tick testing facility (we have used University of Rhode Island Tick Encounter).  The tick can be tested for Lyme and other co infections.
• For extra precaution, your Lyme Literate doctor may also recommend that you get tested, using IGeneX labs or another similar lab.
• No matter what, even if you do nothing else, keep any tick you are bit by (stored in a zip lock in your freezer)

Now we'll get back to the blog post :)

Last night, Ellie and I were sitting on the couch.  She was sitting on my lap and I was reading her a book.  Her head was sitting just below my chin and her wild curls kept sticking in my lip gloss.  At one point, I smoothed down the hair on the top of her head and my finger caught something that felt like a moveable scab.  I instantly stopped reading and started sorting through her hair to determine what it was I was feeling.

'There's a tick on the top of Ellie's head, Matt!!'

As Matt started sorting through her hair, we both were trying to determine if the tick was embedded in the top of her head, or, if it was trying to embed but the amount of hair it had to go through to actually get skin was preventing it from biting Ellie.

Ellie has A LOT of hair :)

Matt pulled it out, head in tact, and I put it immediately on a piece of clear tape.  Be very careful when you are removing your tick.  Do your best to make sure you have the entire tick removed (it is common to remove the tick body while accidentally leaving the head)
The tape was folded up around the tick very carefully.

We then needed to determine what kind of tick was on Ellie- After using the chart below, we know it was an American Dog Tick (Male).  The American Dog Tick can carry Lyme Disease.

Once a person is bit by a tick, you immediately start watching for a bullseye rash to appear around the tick bite.  You also start watching for flu like symptoms (usually takes about 2 weeks after a bite to start seeing the symptoms of Lyme Disease- a good way to remember the date of the tick bite is to write it on your calendar).  Since we were not sure if Ellie was actually bit or if the tick was just caught up in her hair, we started watching the place on her head where the tick was.  This morning we noticed that a red scab had appeared at the tick site (no bullseye rash, only a red scab).

With the knowledge that Ellie was bit by a tick, we took the next step and will send the tick to Tick Encounter to have it tested for pathogens most commonly found in the American Dog Tick.  The tick will be mailed first thing Monday morning and the results will be to us by early the following week.  The cost to have a tick tested through Tick Encounter is $50.
If, in the meantime, Ellie developed a bullseye rash around the tick bite site or any other 'symptoms', we will immediately start her on (the antibiotic) Doxycycline.  If the tick comes back positive for Lyme, Babesia, etc. we will start her on Doxycycline.  We will do all of this within a 2 week window of the tick bite.

I will keep you all posted about the tick results!!

P.S.  If you are bit by a tick but do not want to send if off for testing, save the tick in a ziplock bag and put it in your freezer.  Watch the area where you are bit for a bullseye rash, if one developes,  go to your doctor immediately and start on Doxycycline (or if you develop flu like symptoms around the 2 week mark after you are bit).  At this point, take the tick out of your freezer and GET IT TESTED- A good resource for testing is University of Rhode Island's Tick Testing.  For the contact info and instructions how to send your tick for testing, please click HERE.

UPDATE:
I sent a message asking Tick Encounter if it was ok that I put the tick on tape.  I also asked if a tick that has been frozen for days or weeks could still be tested.  Please see our messages below.

TEST RESULT UPDATE (5.31.16)

Praise the Lord for the negative results!!

Here is the tick we sent in- YUCK!!

and we rally

Only 5 months into 2016 and our family has had some significant chances to rally.

Websters describes the verb meaning of the word 'rally' as this:

recover or cause to recover in health, spirits, or poise.

"she floundered for a moment, then rallied again"

January through March saw our family heading to Germany so that Ryan could receive treatment for Lyme Disease

It wasn't easy but it could have been so much harder

our family rallied 

April saw our family watching as my pops (step dad) fought for his life.  Viral meningitis along with several other viruses and a heart attack were wracking havoc on his body.  

We prayed, he prayed, my childhood church and the church my parents still attend prayed.

God healed 

Phil is recovering
we rallied as a family

May has blessed us with the opportunity to rally around my Matt.

This past Saturday afternoon his knee gave out.  It's been a tough week for him- The pain and the limitations of not being able to have mobility without crutches has left him working so much harder to have even a bit of normalcy.  

A knee surgeon took a look at Matt's knee on Tuesday (we are blessed to have a knee surgeon in the fam)  and came to the conclusion that there is injury to the knee but he does not know to what extent.

This coming Tuesday Matt will have an MRI to determine if he tore his ACL.....

We have been praying

We are trusting God that no matter the outcome of the MRI, he will see us through 

and we will rally

we will recover

2016 has allowed many an opportunity for our family to flounder, even if for a minute, but we trust God and rely on His strength and we rally- again and again and He see's us through,

again and again

For all of my friends who are in a season of struggle- a season of needing to rally back from, or, in the midst of difficult circumstances, may you feel God pressing on your heart to keep going, keep trusting Him, and may you feel His strength giving you the courage to rally.

And all God's people said, AMEN!

bahahaaa!! I am learning that there is great relief in humor when life is stressful.  My boys send me funny quotes all the time and I look for ones to send back- here is one from our stash of 'funnies'