for such a time as this

I wrote this blog post at the beginning of February, while we were in Germany (with Ryan as he went through treatment for Lyme Disease).  I read it over, just after writing it that February morning, and then tucked it away in my blog drafts.  I was looking through my drafts tonight, over a hundred posts that I have written but not posted, and came across this one.........

The Lord delivered me of an anxiety disorder 10 years and 3 months ago.  It was November of 2005,
that I knew He had broken the chains of fear that had strangled my life for 10 years.
Since that time, there has been many triggers (stress and feeling out of control) that have tried to send me back to anxiety attacks.  The voice of fear has yelled into my mind 'what if' and I've had to choose to cling to God's promises and His Truth's, trusting that He is in control.

Flying was my biggest fear back in 2005- I haden't stepped foot on a plane in 10 years and saw it as a death sentence if I did (I had convinced myself the plane would crash).  Facing that fear, in Nov. 2005, in God's strength was a victorious moment.  What I saw as a completed victory (the Lord would deliver me of all other struggles because of my obedience and trust in him by boarding the airplane), the Lord saw as a stepping stone of tools He was giving me to live the life He had called me too.
He used the lesson I learned to trust Him on an airplane to give me the tools to live in Hawaii- Unless you want to take a 10 day boat trip to reach the mainland from Hawaii, you have to fly on an airplane.  Each of the 8 flights I took back and forth to Hawaii over those 2 years we lived there was more stepping stones to face fears and trust Him.
While living in Hawaii, I struggled the entire time with the isolated living and loneliness- The Lord used this time to draw me closer to Him,  I would spend hours reading His Word and praying- He also used it as a time to graciously show me how self centered I was (if mama wasn't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy).  From the hours spent reading His Word and praying each day, He rose up a passion in my heart for ladies Bible Study- A wonderful way for ladies to come together to learn more about and study God's Word.
More stepping stones and spiritual tools
When we moved home from Hawaii and completed Ellie's adoption, he brought our family through an outpouring of finances, He showing us that it was He who was the giver and taker of money- We could trust His decisions and look at our finances as a platform for Him to work....
After living in Hawaii, we moved 2 times in 2 years and then made a 3rd move during our second year home- this time to another isolated ranch 45 minutes from town.  I threw a huge emotional fit while we lived the same way in Hawaii and knew I didn't want to do that again.  I wanted to honor God no matter how I was feeling about our living situation.  It was a conscience effort each day to choose joy in my circumstances and not fall into the pit of isolation and loneliness.  The Lord was teaching the tools of self discipline when it comes to feelings- as my friends Patty and Treva would teach teen girls at a ministry they started at our church, the Loft: feelings are not facts- they are feelings- facts are found in God's Word and in His Truth's, not in how we feel- Just more stepping stones in our spiritual life and more tools to live the life that He has called us to.
It seemed like a good time to rest from all of the learning lessons- 10 years of growing, 6 of those years being difficult growing years.  6 years of stretching and out of comfort zone.
Mama's feeling all done by this time- ready for some cruising and kick back
We had moved 5 times in 6 years, Matt had changed jobs 3 times, we had adopted our Ellie (love this), our oldest son Eli graduated from high school (letting go is hard), Matt's dad passed away, so many more life changes
Like my faulty belief system that once I conquered my fear of flying, the Lord would allow me to chill through life, leaving me to be comfortable and cushioned from any other hard times or growing, was my belief that I needed cruising and kick back.
Today, I am all done, in my flesh- I want nothing more than to have a healed son and head home from Germany-
But God's not done working and He is who matters

He's the one in charge and He's the one who knows best- He is the one who will see us through this season and into the next and the next.
This is rest
Not freedom from hard times but instead freedom from feeling like you have to carry each hard time alone.

I have laid in bed the last 3 nights and struggled with old feelings of anxiety....
Ryan, Ellie, and I are on the other side of the ocean from the rest of our family (Matt has flown home)
Ryan has Lyme Disease
What if, What if, What if

All the hard times that have drawn our family and I closer to Christ over the last 10 years are for Such a time as this...
For such a time that life seems so far out of comfort zone and honesty, scary- He's prepared us, in advance, with stepping stones and Spiritual tools so that we can walk uprightly before Him and say AMEN.  It doesn't make it easy but it makes for a blessed assurance that God is trustworthy and reliable and will see us through this time.

There will be more hard times, I know this-  I also know that the Lord will use this hard time to help us walk through the next and so on until our such a time as this allows us to enter Heaven....

I  mean this, from my heart to yours, if your 'such a time as this' is a struggle right now, May you know God's peace, strength, and comfort more than you know anything else and may you feel His loving arms wrapped tight around you, encouraging you to keep going- there is much purpose to what you are going through- Don't give up.  If anxiousness is trying to swallow up your joy, choose to take a deep breath and cling to Jesus- grab your Bible (if you don't have one, google the bible verses) and dig into Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 54:10, John 16:33, John 14:27, the list can go on.

Ryan getting ozone- We are so thankful for Bettina (the nurse shown in the picture)

don't have the heart to leave

We had traveled down to San Fransisco, Becca and I, to shop and attend a Deeper Still Event.  Bible Study authors, Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, and Kay Arthur were teaming up for a weekend conference.
As we left the conference on the first night, headed back to our hotel, it was comforting to me that we were walking with a whole group of ladies.  Not ladies that we knew personally, but ladies who were leaving the conference all at the same time, headed in the same direction, which was towards our hotel.  Several blocks from our hotel, we noticed that two elderly ladies had stepped out of the crowd.  One of the ladies was bending over just a bit, like she was having a hard time breathing.
'Becca, look at the lady, do you think she is ok?'
Even as I said this, we had both slowed down just a bit to assess what was going on.  We walked over to where the two were standing and asked her if everything was ok.  The one slightly bent over said that she was fine, just out of breath and needed to stop walking for a bit, catch her breath, and then walk slower than what she had been.
We asked her if she wanted a cab and she said no.
In that moment, Becca and I realized that we could not leave the two ladies alone.
Truthfully, I didn't really want to stay back- I was nervous that it would leave us alone, on the streets of San Fransisco, in an unsafe environment (it was the back of Union Square after 10 at night and the stores were mostly closed).  I also, selfishly, wanted to tune out the needs of anyone else and only focus on myself- It was a weekend away to just enjoy and recharge.

I didn't want to stay, I wanted to just walk on by and pretend like I hadn't noticed someone else need, but, I didn't have the heart to leave......

What do we do in life, when we are faced with a situation that we don't have the courage to face (or maybe don't want to face), but we don't have the heart to leave.  When we know God has called us to exactly where we are at, to do the very thing that scares us, or, interrupts our life in a way that is irritating.  When we have a chance to serve Him in a way that we really don't want to.  When we have a chance to give in a way that makes us feel intimidated and overwhelmed or annoyed.

'We will walk you to your hotel' is what Becca and I told her
The four of us walked together, slowly, while the rest of the ladies passed.
The street was empty, except for homeless sleeping on the street and thug looking individuals, by the time we had walked with she and her friend to their destination.

I prayed for God's protection over Becca and I as we made our way back to our hotel.  The vulnerable feeling was real, but the comfort of knowing that we had done just what God had wanted us to somehow settled peacefully in my heart.

The answer is clear, what we should do when we are facing a situation that we don't have the courage to face, or maybe we don't want to face.......

Don't have the heart to leave.  

Pray for the courage to stay and love
love how you know Jesus would have us love
love as you would want to be loved if you were in the same situation
and then thank our Heavenly Father for the love He has given us.

Luke 10:25-37New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

cheers and cheetos

I swear, the healthier I eat, the more pounds I pack on!
Avacado and Dave's Healthy bread for breakfast (or whatever the Dave's bread from Costco is called- I don't feel like getting up and going to look in my refrigerator to see what the proper name for it is), cherry tomatoes and turkey with hummus on top for lunch.  I throw down some chocolate somewheres in the day (usually a Dairy Queen Blizzard as a reward for how healthy I ate that day), and then a moderately healthy dinner.
Have I lost a pound?
NO
Have I gained a pound?
3
I think my body hates healthy food, and, as revenge, packs it away in my fat cells.  Maybe it's not scientifically proven that this can happen, packin' on pounds when you eat healthy, but I'm hear to say it can.

Does this mean I'm going to go back to eating unhealthy?
of course not!
cause eating healthy does make you feel better, like less tired and stuff like that
BUT, what the heck?

Seriously, this getting older stuff is for the birds (at least physically)
weird back fat protruding from under your arms, the word 'peri-menopause' coming from your doctor's mouth, your metabolism screeching to a halt (over-night).

From what I hear, the best is yet to come
Yipee!!
Cheers to the over 40 club

P.S. Did you know that there is a Cheetos museum?  Yep - The brand Cheetos have their very own museum.  If you open a bag of Cheetos and find one that looks like an animal or an object or something else interesting, you can submit it to Cheetos and possibly make it into the Cheetos museum.  How's that for your 15 minutes of fame....

P.S.S. Are Cheetos considered a 'healthy food'??  (smile)

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decisiveness from 1985

Several months ago, I started reading 'Come Before Winter', a devotional by Charles Swindoll.  I wasn't sure if the content was going to be outdated and un-relatable when I first picked the book up (it was written in 1985).  It's definitely not!  It's been a breath of fresh air and worth the read. Hope you enjoy the devotion I read today as much as I did. Acting Decisively  by Charles R. Swindoll Joshua 24:14-15 "Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” I like Joshua's style in Joshua 24:14-15. Like a good leader, he laid out the facts. He exhorted those about him to get off the fence and get their spiritual act together. He encouraged personal authenticity and strong commitment . . . but not once did he pull rank and fall back on intimidation to get his way. He risked being ignored and rejected when he left the final decision up to them. He respected their right to follow his advice or walk away when he told them, in so many words, "Make up your mind!" But there was never any question where he stood. He had weighed the evidence, considered the alternatives, and come to a settled conviction---he and his family were going to serve the Lord God, no question about it. But what others would do was strictly up to them. They would have to decide for themselves. Unusual combination. A strong leader who knew where he was going, but gave others the space they needed to choose for themselves. No threats. No name-calling. No public put-downs. No exploitation or manipulation or humiliation. He didn't play on their emotions or attack their alleged ignorance or use some gimmick to gain strokes in defense of his position. He knew what God would have him do, and he realized the consequences of their choosing differently . . . but they needed to weigh those issues for themselves. It needed to be their decision, not his. At that point, he backed off and said, "Now you decide." That's not only smart, it's an evidence of two admirable virtues: security in himself and respect for others. Today, it is clear to all of us that Joshua made the right decision back then. From our objective perspective, he chose the correct alternative . . . as they also did later on. But note again that he didn't hurry his people to opt for his position. Joshua knew that if they didn't wrestle with the issues on their own, the resulting decision might be superficial . . . fragile . . . a commitment that might very well melt under the inevitable heat of difficulty and trial. Nevertheless, there will always be some who want others to make their decisions for them. Many individuals in Christendom are continually looking for some evangelical guru or superstar pastor or bionic authority figure to cosign for their lives..... It takes the restraining power of the Holy Spirit to withstand such tempting invitations to take control. It is helpful to remember that every time we yield to that destructive desire for power we retard others' growth toward maturity. Making one's own decisions develops healthy mental muscles.... Think wisely. Weigh the alternatives. Choose for yourself. Decide now whom you will serve.   Excerpted from Come Before Winter and Share My Hope, Copyright © 1985, 1988, 1994 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc.

pictures

One of Eli's best friend's got married this past weekend- the wedding was BEAUTIFUL!
Congratulations Tyler and Arlisa

Table Rock

My Matt is an amazing dad

just a random picture of a wheel line, a 17 year old trying to boss his mom around, and an annoyed mom

new haircut

a few tricks of our own

you're laying on the couch relaxing, snuggled up under a cozy blanket.  It's late and the movie your watching is just about over...the oldest walks in and can sense your relaxed.  Kid's, no matter their age, don't like to know their parents are relaxed- nope, there is something innately in them that senses your guard is down and that is when they strike.
babies know the second you are finally falling into a much needed slumber
that's when you hear them start to wail
toddlers take the cue, just as soon as sit your fanny on a chair (after chasing them for the past several hours), to jump up and take off running again
oh, it keeps going- the perfection of relaxation interruption that our children are born with becomes a profession for them
the school age child picks up every germ going around school, only to spend the night throwing up (while we nurse them back to health and worry about their hydration). They are young and resilient so they usually find themselves completely better in the morning and ready to go.
We spend the next 4 days with the same flu, the one that took them 12 hours to get over, crawling to the toilet and then sucking it up and dry heaving our way through preparing meals for our little precious.
the age of driving comes and we are elated- Finally, we don't have to drive them to every practice or social event...
relaxation is here!!
until the first time you hear the jingle of the keys and the car start up for that much anticipated solo drive.  Good bye relaxation and hello to spending the next  several hours fervently praying over their safety and fighting off recollecting every horror story of driving accidents we've ever heard...
with driving they want to date
oh, the stress!!
then they grow up completely and get a job along with a life of their own.
They are hardly around anymore
BUT
when they are, they still take very seriously the profession of relaxation interruption they have had perfected since infancy...

Back to, you're laying on the couch relaxing, snuggled up under a cozy blanket.  It's late and the movie your watching is just about over...the oldest walks in and can sense your relaxed.

'Smell my hand mom!!'

to which they place their disgusting smelling hand just under your nose...
my cozy blanket is tossed and I'm fending off the odor assault.

But somewhere along the way, us parents learn a few tricks of our own.
We learn that any display of public affection is horrifying (for the child) and hilarious (for the parent).
We learn that every chance we get, grabbing that cutie patootie all grown up face, and planting a big kiss on the cheek,  is imperative in keeping the pecking order aligned.

Oh parenthood, how I love thee :) :)

bahahahaaaaa.........ahahahaaaaa!!

I've had a couple of interesting things happen over the past several months.  I didn't really think they were all that funny until I was telling friends about what happened and they busted up laughing- the  more I thought about it, the more I realized, 'this is funny stuff and MUST be shared'!!

Here's to keeping it real!!!

So, the first of the two funnies goes like this:

I'm a bath taker.
It doesn't matter if we have but one shower in our house and no bathtub, I'm still a bath taker.
A washcloth over the drain in the bottom of the shower to clog the drain and a good 4 inches of water will fill up on the bottom of your shower in no time flat.
There I sit, on the bottom of our one shower, night after night, taking a 'bath'

One of my boys came down with athlete's foot.  A wicked case of it.
They stand in our one shower.
Remember I sit on the bottom of that shower..

I am living proof that there is such thing as 'athlete's crack'
At first I wasn't sure what was going on- it was several days later that I saw the bottom of my boys feet and asked
'do you have athlete's foot?'
That's when I put it all together.

It was NOT fun spraying the same spray that you spray on your athlete's feet onto your case of athlete's crack.
It feels like fire
but it's better than battling athlete's crack

I still sit on the bottom of my shower every night and when I do, I think to myself
'I wonder if I will get another case of athlete's crack?'
and then I self talk about how I should clean my shower better and spray it down with bleach before I sit on the floor of it..blah blah blah
but I don't
I just sit in my four inches of water and think about my day and enjoy my 'bath'

I crack myself up!!!!!!!!!!!
bahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!

Enough about AC and on to things that leave you speechless.....literally with no words!!

We have used the same paint from the same paint store for 15 years.  This past year, I put two and two together that the manager of the paint store we frequent has children that go to AWANA at our church with Ellie.

This story is going to be short and right to the point....

Since September (15'), we've been remodeling our house- One day, Matt was picking up paint from our paint store, you know, the one where the manager's children go to AWANA with Ellie, and called from his cell.  He needed a long sequence of letters read to him over the phone...the letters were the paint code we needed for our exterior paint.

Remember we're married

I thought it would be really funny to not only say the letter of the paint code but also add my description of the letter- the description I was saying is really funny between a married couple BUT not funny at all for the masses of people to hear (especially not the manager of the paint store who I see at my church)
S is for.....and so on

mid way through my description of each letter,  Matt say's in a quiet voice....

"um, Steph, your on speaker phone"

I hung up without saying another word

I then planned my strategic escape out of ever picking up Ellie from AWANA again.

Several hours later, Matt called and was laughing- he told me he was only joking, I really wasn't on speaker phone.

Every time I see the manager from the paint store, I look into his eye's for any sort of recognition that he knows what I did...
If he does, he hides it well

I pray Matt really was only joking (that I was on speaker phone)


Happy Wednesday y'all

hee! hee! hashtag TRUTH