pictures of our farmer...

Yesterday afternoon Ry took our tractor and disc to a property we own about 30 miles away (In Oregon, a farm vehicle can be driven on a public road with nothing more than a orange triangle on the back- it can also be driven by someone who does not have a drivers license....When Matt told me Ry would be driving the tractor I called the Oregon Farm Bureau to find out the rules...Was shocked how lenient the rules for agriculture equipment are- YAY for the farmer who has to transport equipment).  Matt and I got to follow behind....going 15 miles....for two and a half hours.  At random times we would both point something out and say 'have you ever seen that before?'....We are normally speeding down our highway going 60 so when you slow it down 45 mph your view is completely different :)
We sold our primary residence almost a year and a half ago, right around the time Matt took the job at the ranch we live on now.  Last summer, after much conversation about where we wanted our primary residence to be when the job here at the ranch was over (the ranch has been up for sale for almost a year- Matt's job contract goes through the sale of the ranch), we decided on a place.  When we were making our decision, we were thinking long term.  15-18 years long term (the longest we have lived in one house is 5 years).  Matt wanted enough land to have cows and I wanted to look outside my window and see people walking by.  When we were looking at property advertisements words like 'isolated and remote' to me were like 'I-so-hate-it and 'revoked'....hee
Our whole family ended up loving 16 acres (15.99 technically) just outside the city limits of the little town that our church is in- the same town where our last primary residence was- the same town where our Eli is interning at the Fire Department and hopes to work someday.  The property has a 1200 square foot house that we will put a modest addition on before moving in (right now it is 2 bedroom 2 bath- our goal is to add a bedroom).....The property is also bordered by 2 busy roads and sits across the street from a decent size subdivision- we are surrounded by people (WHOOP WHOOP).
Ryan has been really interested in farming.  He comes by it justly as Matt's family are Dutch Dairy Farmers.  About 14 of the 16 acres we bought is farm type land that is in need of being planted with pasture grass for cow feed.
Ry is just the guy for the job!!



getting ready to leave the ranch

It was funny watching people in the opposite lane scoot WAY over even through Ry was not close to the middle line



still 15 miles away and it was getting dark

5 miles away- glad the tractor had head lights

Today

Ellie and I stopped by for a visit

Awesome Job Ry!!

my matt's take on Leviticus :)

When it comes to the daily workings of our family life, I am the intense one......my boys know just how to get me riled up (Matt included) and I fall hook, line, and sinker for it every time....
they will say things like...'as long as I get a D or above on my report card, I'm good to go'
to which I intensely reply...'you get a D and you won't be driving for a long while....mommy will drive you everywhere...'
I know in my heart they are joking when they say random things that- especially since they know it is against what we stand for BUT the intense side of my personality just can't let it go...
Matt on the other hand laughs right along with them and shakes his head at me as I am doing the reprimand
'Steph, they are working you....they only say those things because they know they can get to you!'
and the response I have to my Matt is
'Ya, you know why they like to get me all riled up....they are just copying what their daddy does'
When it comes to the daily workings of our work life, Matt is the intense one....
But since we're not talking about that, I will stay on topic and go where I'm going without taking some sort of a rabbit trail :)
Our Bible Study group is doing a 90 day read through the Bible.  In early December, on a total whim, I asked Matt if he would want to read through with us....not actually attending study but following the plan at home.  Matt and I had planned on listening to some together and some separate- last night we decided to listen together....we were just starting Leviticus....
my brain is intensely listening for nuggets of wisdom.....it's  pondering what the Israelites have just gone through and how hard it is to make a sacrifice for sin.....
we were listening to Matt's Ipod- each of us with one of the ear buds....since we each just had one ear bud in, the sounds around me were still evident.  I asked Matt several times 'have you fallen asleep' to which he would reply 'NO, why do you keep asking me that'....
I didn't know someone could snore while they were awake is what I wanted to say but I didn't- it didn't seem rude to say but it did seem like it would take up to much speaking space when I should be listening....
by this time we had heard over 10 times, as an animal sacrifice was made, that the 'aroma was pleasing to the Lord'
looking back, my Matt must have been listening because about 30 minutes in I hear him say.....
'Man, the Lord really must have liked the smell of beef- I wonder if He liked BBQ'
of course my intense personality fired back an explanation that the aroma was pleasing not because of the smell of the food but because of the representation of the sacrifice....'
I knew Matt already knew all of this but was just trying to make me think he didn't understand...he knew I would get all fired up :)
when it was quiet again between us, only the narratives voice speaking out sacrifices in Leviticus, I could not help but pay attention to every time the narrator would say that an aroma was pleasing to the Lord....and then I would think about Matt wondering if the Lord liked BBQ....and then I would laugh to myself
and I laughed all day today
I even laughed in my heart as I prayed
it still makes me laugh even as I type it out

Love you baby and thanks for the (Biblical BBQ) laugh!!

p.s. betcha Jesus did love Him some BBQ when he was here on earth :) :)

worst smells EVER

As I jumped out of the shower this morning....actually you can't jump out of my shower- It has a 2 ft high ledge that is concrete and tile so that it can double as a very large bathtub/2 shower head combo...I tried jumping out of it just after we moved here and hit the front of my lower leg mid way though my leap of faith- the bruise healing was long and grueling...I think I have a permanent dent in my bone from it.
Back to carefully stepping out of my shower this morning.....I grabbed the towel hanging from the shower door and wrapped it around me.  It took but 2 seconds for the one nostril lift with a sharp sniff
WHAT IS THAT SMELL
The towel I was using had been found on the back of the bathroom door- not sure how long it has hung there or how many times it had been used before finding it's hanging spot on the shower that morning BUT judging from the smell, it had dried many a crack in it's unwashed state :)
I quickly took it off of me and threw it in the dirty clothes bin while thinking to myself.....
dirty towels are the WORST SMELL EVER! 
After this incident, and as I was putting on my makeup, I started thinking about some of the worst smells personally ever smelt and then busted up laughing....

• when someone burps in a warm car and you know exactly what they have eaten, only the rotten smell version of it, by the smell.....WORST SMELL EVER!
• forgetting to start the dishwasher, filled with dirty dishes, before that 2 week long trip.......WORST SMELL EVER!
• another warm car one.....when the doors are shut and the windows are up with the heater blasting and suddenly you smell 'the' smell.....everyone's soles get flipped until the sticky brown paste like substance is found (which has also spread to the floor mat)...dog poop is the WORST SMELL EVER!
• while running 16's during high school basket ball practice and the girl in front of you projectile vomits so that it hits the ground right in front of your next step....you run through it before you can stop yourself (feeling the squish of the liquid and food on the bottom of your feet) and the smell hits you full in the face (which makes you vomit).....WORST SMELL EVER
• diarrhea....oh my gosh the smell is awful....how does it not kill you from the inside out- how does one's body even produce such a smell...I spent several days with the big D over Christmas and was impressedly grossed out at the tenacity our bodies have to reproduce not only the smell but the amount every half hour for hours and hours...It's like some sort of morbid grand finale that our intestines put on to celebrate that they really are in control.....I didn't even have the courage to leave my house for fear being more than 2 seconds from a toilet......diarrhea is THE WORST SMELL EVER!!

Hope you are all having a great Monday :)

picture compliments of google images....thanks google!

ry...crackin' jokes and cheesy faces

Dear Ry,

Thank you for being one of the funniest people I know- for always choosing the worst moment to crack a joke or the most inopportune time to make a completely cheesy face.  Mommy and daddy, on a regular basis, lay in bed and laugh about things you have done or said.

It's been quite a year for you....buying your first truck with money you saved (since you were 8), competing in your first year of shot gun 4-H (and making it to State), and battling a 6 month long case of Lyme disease (thankful that you are 26 days off of your Lyme treatment and no sign of Lyme).

Never stop being you- perfectly created by an amazing God who has an incredible story for your life.

Daddy and I are so proud of you and love you lots.

 

Merry Christmas to Ellie from her brother Joshua

There was a special treat in our mail box today for Ellie.....
Ellie's biological brother Joshua (Justice) sent her a Christmas gift.  Elle's and Joshua have not met as of yet but we are able to keep in contact with his family through facebook and Christmas Cards. 
Ellie has 2 older biological brothers- Joshua who is 9 and Caiden who is 6.....Like Ellie, Joshua was placed with his forever family at birth.  Caiden lives with Ellie (and Joshua's) birth mom Heather. 

Dear Joshua,
Thank you very much for the hamster- I really like it.  My mom say's thanks for not sending me a real hamster :) (only a toy hamster).
Love,
Ellie



Joshua (L) and Caiden earlier this year- They are able to spend time together each year :)

Heather, Joshua (R) and Caiden
 

just enough

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9)

Several mornings ago, I plopped down on my couch before sunrise with the same nagging feeling I have woken up to for over a year....
I  feel so isolated- 
I grabbed my Bible, that was sitting on the coffee table in front of our couch, and began praying....
'Lord please help me with this feeling of isolation'
I knew when we moved to the ranch we currently live on, the isolation was going to be something of a personal struggle.  The ranch sits a good mile off of a country road 45 minutes away from town. 
This girl is most at home in the city- we understand each other
My Man and my boys are most at home in the woods- they understand each other

Matt's job has allowed for us to live in some amazing places-
steps away from the beach in Hawaii with not another house in sight-
and then on a private lake with thousands of acres around- again, without another house in sight.

It may sound unreasonable
ungrateful
you may judge me for saying what I'm about to say
you may put yourself in my position and say 'if I had that I would never feel the way she does'
thank you Jesus that you understand my heart and know the root from which I speak
I don't like living remote- It intimidates me. overwhelms me.
Everyday, I have to fight off the feeling of isolation...of a deep loneliness that I can not even explain in words.
I look out of my beautiful home and see a beautiful lake and wish for the sound of people around.
I would look out my living room window while living in Hawaii and wish for the mall instead of mountains and ocean...not even so that I could necessarily shop but so that I could hear the people.
I long to hear sirens and dogs barking....to go to sleep with the sound of cars whizzing by outside

As I was pouring my heart out to God, the sun was beginning to rise......

I glanced up, and my breath was literally taken away.... You see, our living room couch faces the 11 windows in our living room that overlook the lake and a mountain.  (I did not alter this picture at all- I simply grabbed my camera, which is not fancy at all, and took the shot of my view from where I was sitting)

I wish I could package this blog post up with an intelligent answer as to why I feel like I do or why the Lord has placed us in the position He has....but I can't
What I can do is tell is this.

I bring the same struggle to the Lord pretty much each day....
Help me Jesus to not throw an emotional fit because I am living outside of my comfort zone
Help me Jesus to honor you
Help me to honor my husband
Help me to branch out into my boys 'outside' world

As I pray, His peace of 'just enough' fills me....
just enough joy to see me through the day
just enough discernment to know that the negative feelings are just that- Feelings- They are not facts.
the facts are that we are just where God wants us to be doing just what He wants us to do.

I long for more than 'just enough'....I am the girl that wants an abundance of.....to just take for granted that when I wake up in the morning, I will not have to go back to the Lord and ask for the same thing that I have the 365 days prior.....I feel like I should have 'gotten over' my same feelings by now.
but that is not how the Lord has chosen to fill me in this season. He has chosen to give me just enough for that day....creating dependence instead of my natural independence
so I go back for more of the same
day after day
and He's there
day after day
Thank you Jesus

If this post finds you struggling in your each day....
addiction
recovery
anger
depression
grief
health problems
marriage difficulties
paralyzing fear
broken relationships that you wish were different
confusion which decision to choose
discontentment (like me)
you fill in the blank

Know that you are not alone in your struggle...
choose to know that we serve an amazing God who will give us just enough strength at just the right time to walk victoriously in whatever difficulty comes our way.
Amen!

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

ellie loves carl....27 years early

It's one of those moments where you remember right where you were (on the corner of the road that our church is on, which is where Elle's school is located, getting ready to turn right onto the road that goes over the overpass) when my darling princess yells from the back seat.....

I LOVE CARL!

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!

Carl is a little boy in Ellie's preschool class....

Oh no no no no no sweetie- you see Elle's, your daddy, brothers, and I all agreed- you are not allowed to even notice boys until you are 30.  Even then, it will be under strict guidelines of who, when, where, and how!!

I didn't say that though- Instead, I remained calm and asked

'You love Carl?......wow!......would you give him a hug?'

We all have to beg Ellie to show us any kind of affection- she only gives hugs when she absolutely has too.  A kiss is saved for once to twice a year when she's feeling extra generous- so I figured it would be a good 'tell tell' what she grasped of what she was implicating when she said that she loved Carl....

'Yes, I would give him a hug' was her reply

Breathe......Breathe.....Breathe......Breathe
Is there an all girls school anywhere around our area
Should we move to a secluded island where there are no boys allowed

I looked in my rear view mirror so that we could see each other and simply said.....
'wow.'
then the car was silent and she soon asked if she could listen to her Cubby's CD that her AWANA program had provided.

As stories of Cubby Bear filled our car my mind was reasoning out whether I should start the boy lectures this early or whether to just let this go.
I let it go with the thought that.......

This is all happening 27 years early!!!

p.s. At Elle's Christmas Program yesterday, Ellie and Carl happened to be standing by each other- I leaned over and told my mom about Ellie's love declaration and showed her who Carl was.  We both busted up laughing.

OH MY GOODNESS GUYS....
oh my goodness
oh oh oh oh my