the last sentence of the last chapter

Living life is a unique balance.  You live in the moment, with each action forwarding on meaning into the next moment and the next, everything counting for something.  There are times though when living in the moment means that this moment, the moment you are living right now, will be the last of it's kind.  Oh, you will have many more moments to come (Lord willing) but they will never be as they were before.

And that's ok.  In fact, it's more than ok, it's great.  You loved all the moments before and you know you will love the moments after, but you know the moments before will never be again and for that reason, a grief with both thankfulness and sadness takes place.

I don't believe God made our life stories to fit in just one book.  I think He writes out our lives in multiple books, each for specific seasons and each touching by bound covers, connected from generation to generation.  Bound covers, created by God, so things like His distinction of marriage can live out in His designed way, each couple receiving their own book when their vows are said.

A new book started on July 30, 1994 when I married Matt. This book was specific for the life that Matt and I would create with each other and our children. Chapter after chapter was written as Eli was born, then Ry, then Ellie.  We lived, having a variety of memories in each chapter- happy, funny, incredibly hard times, and some devastating times.  We went on some great adventures, all of us living each moment to it's fullest, page after page getting filled.

Eli grew up, moved out, and started a life of his own- Ryan grew up, creating a life of his own too, but the five of us were still in the same book.  Our final sentence hadn't come.  That last period, of the last chapter, with the last word was close...but not yet.  It's not that we would loose touch when our book ending came, it would mean that for healthy sake, for boundary sake, for distinction sake, we would need a sequel (thanks for the word choice, Heid).  One going to two.

I took the picture below at my nephew's wedding this past Friday night.....

Even as I was taking it, the mama side of my heart realized that it would be the last picture I would take as the mother of 3 kids.  Our Eli get's married this week.  He gaining a wife, Ry and Ellie a sister, Matt and I a daughter.  A picture of my kids will never feel complete again without Megan in it.  This Saturday night, our family will transition from 5 to 6 with a final period at the end of the last sentence of our book and the hard bound cover will close.

In place of one book will be two.  Eli and Meg having their own while Matt, Ryan, Ellie, and I the other. Oh, we'll still have our end-covers touching, ours touching on one side with Megan's family touching the other.  Eli and Meg wedged between their two families with their own book, full of pages to fill and memories to make.  Some of the chapters will include their extended family but the main content will be them....living out what God has called both too as a married couple, leaving  their families and cleaving to begin their own story, and what a story it will be.

I cried after I took the picture- not right then and there, but when I got home.  My heart was celebrating Eli and Megs upcoming wedding, thanking God for the woman Megan is and how perfect He designed her for Eli (and vice versa).  I also cried because that last sentence of our family book is here.  The tears were filled with an overwhelming thankfulness for the memories, for the moments, for each day we spent as a family of five. Crying for the ending to a season while being so excited for the new beginning.  Megan is a gift, both to our family and to our Eli.  She is a treasure.

So here is to the moments and memories our family shared before our book was finished.  Here's also to the moment's and memories we will make after, in both of our new books.  But most of all,  here's to God, who brought our family Megan and who brought Megan's family our Eli.

P.S. I couldn't end this post without a quick trip down memory lane......some favorite pictures of my kids over the years

Congratulation Eli and Megs, Saturday can't get here fast enough-  We love you and are so very happy for and proud of you.

Florida for two fifty seven, please

It all started on a bumpy plane ride from Turks and Caicos to North Carolina last December.  We were headed home from a family vacation, flying American Airlines (AA) for the first time.  The flight home stopped in North Carolina and then Portland, Oregon.  Midway through the flight, the stewardess came over the speaker and said that AA was running a special- sign up with their credit card and you would receive 50,500 miles.  I asked the stewardess if a spouse could sign up for a card separately and each receive 50,500 miles and she said we could.  The small print said that you had to put a purchase of any amount on the card within a certain time frame and also pay an $85. annual fee.

Fast forward to late February of this year.  It was a Sunday afternoon, I was sitting on the couch in my living room scrolling through Facebook while the rain poured outside.  Ad's pop up often in my Facebook newsfeed and I usually ignore them.  A picture of a sunny resort in Mexico was on the ad this time and under the picture was a ridiculously low price.  Even as I clicked on the ad, I was mentally telling myself that I would never actually purchase something from an ad like this, it would just be fun to look.  The company advertising was called Book VIP.  They were offering cheap vacations in Mexico, Florida, and Las Vegas.  My friend Michelle and I had just been talking about Tahiti Village in Las Vegas and I noticed that was one of the resorts offered in Book VIP's deals.  On a whim, I picked up the phone, called the number, asked a million questions (every question I could think of that would expose any shady-ness), and then booked a 3 night stay for Matt and I at Tahiti Village for just under $130.  The stipulation attached to the trip was that you had to make at least a certain amount annually, travel as a married couple that shared the same address, and listen to a two hour time-share presentation.  Matt and I went to Tahiti Village in March (19') and had a great trip.  The timeshare presentation was typical and we declined the purchase.  Book VIP sent an e-mail just before we went to Las Vegas letting me know that if I made a short video mentioning their company and the resort we stayed at, they would give me 3 free nights to a participating resort in either Last Vegas or Orlando, Florida.  I made the video and submitted it for their review.  I received 3 free nights.

Combined, Matt and I had 100,100 miles from American Airlines.  We also had a 3 free nights stay to a resort in Orlando, Florida from the video I submitted.  That was enough miles to get 3 round trip tickets from our hometown in Oregon to Orlando.  The left over miles were enough for 3 nights at a hotel in Orlando.  At this point, we had 6 hotel nights and 3 round trip flights covered to Orlando, all with miles.  The only thing left was the rental car.  Costco beat out everyones price at $167 for an SUV for the duration of our trip.

$167. rental car
$60. resort fee (Book VIP does not cover resort fees)
$30. for a $5 per person per flight ticketing fee
_____
$257. base fee for our trip.  This price does not include any excursions, food, gas, extras, or our trip to Disney World.

(I could add in the annual credit card fee associated with the AA card but I just don't feel like it)

To keep additional costs affordable on our trip but also see some of the sites that are only available in Florida we decided on the places we would visit before our trip and then shopped for the deals.  On the list was:

Day 1: Kennedy Space Center
Day 2: Cape Canaveral/Cocoa Beach (Free)
Day 3: Sea World Orlando
Day 4: Disney World
Day 5: Gatorland

• All of our rooms (short of the night we flew in) have kitchenettes.  We went to the grocery store and purchased food instead of eating out.  Normally when we travel, I fly in most of our food in checked bags and coolers.  I just didn't have time this trip.
• 4 mornings of our stay include a free breakfast with the hotel/resort- the other mornings we will eat in with food we purchased from the grocery store.
• We purchased Sea World and Kennedy Space Center tickets for a discount through AAA during a Memorial Day sale they ran- the price of the ticket did not include parking ($10-$25 to park at each).  Sea World was $48.75 per person and Kennedy was $42.50/adult and $35./child.
• We purchased tickets to Gatorland for $17.49 each so Ellie could see alligators 'up close' and because they have a small waterpark that is not overcrowded.  We used Tripster Vacations for this purchase- door price would have been $29.99/adults and $19.99/kids. 
• We packed 3 water bottles that we bring with us into the parks to refill so we do not have to purchase drinks.  We also eat before we go and pack snacks so we are not purchasing food in the parks.  
• Ellie turns 8 tomorrow (18th).  We decided to spend the money to take her to Disney World for an 8th birthday present while we are down here.  I spent several hours searching for discounted Disney World tickets and came up short.  I did go to the Sam's Club here and purchase $350 worth of Disney gift cards for $335. If we would have spent more than one day at Disney, I would have purchased our tickets through AAA because they had the best deals (at the time I looked).

We are on our last night of our 6 nights in Orlando.  It's been so fun!  The resort Book VIP put us up in is family friendly, clean, and very functional.  It is not grand or glamorous but very comfortable (equivalent to staying at a Marriott or Hilton Extended Stay).   It's called Westgate Lake Resort and Spa and is very centrally located.  The hotels we have stayed at the additional 3 nights were also nice.  One night was at a Hyatt and the additional two at The Point (on Universal Blvd.).

Florida has surprised both Matt and I with it's beauty.  It is our first trip here and definitely won't be our last.  We look forward to a return trip, hopefully bringing the rest of our family the next time!

Link to the Video I made for BookVIP for the free 3 nights in Orlando

It's Tick Season

It's tick season.
Tick.
Those four letters cost our family $50,000 and some significant heartache over a two year span.
I find myself cringing when I read articles talking about how Lyme Disease is on the rise in Oregon, with the county I live in (Jackson) being ranked as one of the highest hot spots for contacting Lyme in the entire state (along with Josephine, Douglas, and Klamath County).  For those that want to read the article, click here).  I also find myself cringing when, in the same article, ticks are downplayed as being less significant than poison oak by our national forest's spokeswomen...

 "Chamise Kramer, a spokeswoman for the (Siskiyou) national forest, said there are definitely plenty of ticks in the area, often visible hanging on long blades of grass, but they haven't posed a bigger threat to hikers than, say, poison oak."

There is a chance that one of you reading this blog post will be bit by a tick before summer's end.  If not you, it may be a loved one, someone you work with, or just a random person you know.  When this happens, regardless of what people like Chamise from above say, it needs to be taken more serious than a case of poison oak....trust me on this one :)

Here are some easy steps to follow when it comes to tick bites.  There is no need to (completely) panic but there is a need to be mindful and purposeful in your approach to addressing the tick and the tick bite.  It is so much easier and cheaper to test a tick for Lyme Disease and co-infections than it is to test a person.

• Begin with removing the tick, including the head of the tick.
• Immediately put the tick in a zip lock plastic bag and place in the freezer.  Mark on the zip lock bag the date you were bitten by the tick. 
• Mark on your calendar the date you were bit and start watching for symptoms of Lyme Disease.  The symptoms will usually not begin showing for 2 weeks but can begin sooner or later.  It is not uncommon for a person to not show symptoms of Lyme Disease for years after a bite.
• Do your best to identify what type of tick you were bitten by (see the chart below).
• Begin watching the bite site.  If you notice the spot developes a rash or raised area around it, take your tick out of the freezer and get it sent off IMMEDIATELY to a tick testing facility (we have used IGeneX Labs and University of Rhode Island Tick Encounter).  The tick can be tested for Lyme and other co infections.
• For extra precaution, your Lyme Literate doctor may also recommend that you get tested, using IGeneX labs, DNA Connexions, or another similar lab.
• No matter what, even if you do nothing else, keep any tick you are bit by (stored in a zip lock in your freezer) in case you begin having symptoms several months or years after the bite.  You will be able to take it out of the freezer and send it in for testing.

If it were me, I would send the tick off immediately and not wait for signs or symptoms to appear/not appear.  Spending the $50.-$75 for the test is much better than the heartache, anguish, and cost that comes along with a diagnosis of Lyme Disease.  

I asked the University of Rhode Island's tick testing center how long a tick could be frozen for prior to having it tested.  Here is their response:

Several years ago, our Ellie was bit by a tick.  We sent it in for testing and they sent us back the results (it was negative for Lyme Disease) along with pictures of the tick we sent in.  The pictures are below

sometimes over and over

I had about a half hour drive this morning to get where I was going.  It was somewhat early so not many people were on the freeway- It gave me time to pray and think.  It also gave me a chance to drop a piece of avocado off of my toast (eating breakfast as I drove) onto my pants.  As I glanced down to try and get it off before it smeared, I caught sight of the bright purple pant bottoms I was wearing- as my eye's rested on those grape colored scrubs, the praying and questions began...
'Why nursing, Lord?' There are so many other things I am more qualified and better at so why this. why now. why me and not someone else who's whole life dream has been to do what I am getting ready to do.  And as usual, I felt a deep and persistent peace that I am right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing, at the perfect time I need to be there.  I don't need to understand the in's and out's but I do need to trust completely.

In the year and a half I have been on this journey, striving towards becoming a nurse, the Lord has proven Himself faithful time and time again.  He has taught me about persevering, being steadfast and self disciplined, to keep going even when every natural emotion is telling me to stop.  He has taught me to trust in His strength and to depend on Him- that His strength will always be enough and that He is reliable always.
I continue to learn that I may fail over and over at a task but that does not mean I can stop trying.  Failure in our eyes does not mean quitting or giving up in God's eyes- it means being humble, acknowledging that you need help, and then relying on Him for the self esteem to try again (sometimes over and over).
The Lord has used others to inspire me along the way- to marvel at how He made some people with an incredible academic mind to retain all things medical.  How He made others with a strong determination, using that determination to triumph over great obstacles (sickness, death, divorce, tragedy), not letting what they have endured stop them.  They are over-comers.
I've also learned about how defeating perfectionism can be.  How it can suck the life and joy out of your heart if it is your goal.  How it will take you on a detour, bypassing what God has called you to be, all because you felt like you couldn't do it good enough.  You may be afraid that you would fail or not measure up to your self imposed standard,  so why start anyway.

My drive and prayer time was coming to an end.  It was just before 6:00 a.m. and I was pulling into the skilled nursing facility where I would be spending the day doing a clinical rotation.  A place where I would face so many of my own insecurities and fears- sickness, bad smells, giving shots, the possibility of failing at one of the skills I was learning, etc.   As all these thoughts were bouncing around in my head, I did what I have done some many times over the last 18 months. I asked the Lord to give me wisdom, strength, and help as I navigated thorough my day.  I asked for His help in accepting any failure that I may encounter and prayed for the humility to accept the failure, not as a defeat but as something to learn from.  I also prayed for the resilience to try again and again, as many times as needed to get it right.  I prayed for those I would come into contact with, that they would find His comfort and strength in their day also. Then I laid it down- every worry and fear I had, refusing to carry it with me during the day.

As I walked to my car this afternoon, after completing the clinical day, and started the drive home, it struck me- something that I have experienced so many times but seem to always be amazed by- God had today covered. No it didn't go perfectly, there were many imperfections, but He didn't need me to be perfect.  He just needed me to follow His leading, trusting Him the entire time and rely on His guidance to get me through.

What a relief, how refreshing, and thank you Jesus!

Almost...Just a couple more weeks until the 1st semester is done!!

discounts and timeshare presentations

I think of sitting down and posting a new blog post somewhat often.  Just after the thought pops into my mind, it is followed by the reality that I truly don't have time.  These day's, every hour seems to count and I can't seem to find an extra hour to sit down and write.  There was no school for Ellie and I today and I told myself I would give myself 30 minutes to blog.  
Here it is, nothing amazing or life changing to read- Just random thoughts that came to my mind, in no particular order

• I tried going Keto for a week.  I started on a Friday full gusto.  By the following Friday, I found myself walking in my front door (after taking an exam) and heading to where we keep our chips (which are a big no-no when one is on Keto).  I was going to treat myself to just a couple of 'Hint-of-Lime' tortilla chips.  I grabbed the bag and headed to the living room where I sat down on the recliner.  Telling myself I should stop with every chip after two, I ate the entire 1/2 bag.  The worst part is, I didn't even feel bad (physically) after I did it- I actually felt great!  I waited for some sort of carb overload or fat pouch (all those calories!!) to suddenly take over my body but it didn't.  I felt emotionally happy and physically wonderful....I've been Keto free since :)
• I love Melaleuca's laundry soap.  I used Tide Pod's prior to switching over to Melaleuca and was really happy with Tide.  I'm picky about my laundry soap- I want our clothes to smell good after they've been washed- fresh good not overly perfumed good (overly perfume smell would give me a headache).  Tide accomplishes this in my opinion but the fresh smell seems to fade faster than what the Melaleuca does.  I consider the good smell a reward for the effort of washing, folding, and putting away clothes.  I also notice that you can smell the 'fresh' smell of the Melaleuca's laundry soap in my house even when I am not doing wash.  I'm sure it's because I've washed the throw blankets on the back of our chair's with it- which goes back to my point about the smell lasting for awhile after you have washed an item in it.
• I've been on a Groupon kick for the past several months.  Pretty much before I do anything, I'm checking for discounts on Groupon.  Since I'm on a 'how much can I save doing fun things' whim, I had heard about a travel site called Bookvip- they were offering 3 nights stay at a hotel in Las Vegas called Tahiti Village Resort for $125. total (not including flights) plus a $100. food voucher to eat at the resort.  The fine print was you have to travel with your spouse to the hotel, make over $50,000 per year, be a US citizen, and sit in on a 90 minute presentation about timeshares.  Matt and I will see Vegas for the first time next month during spring break (Vegas Baby!!).  We will arrive late on a Wednesday night, wake up bright and early the next morning to go to the 90 minute pushy time share presentation, and then have the next 2 days to check out the sites.  Matt's not super thrilled about sitting in on the presentation...I'll keep you posted how it goes.  If the trip turns out to be legit, I'll definitely book through them again.  If not, well....I'll join the ranks of many others who have allowed themselves to be 'suckered in' with the promise of a good deal!! 

Alright, I've got to go make dinner and study
Here's to my first post of 2019!

I chose this picture to post because it will make my sister in law smile- and for that reason, it warms my heart and makes me smile too

formaldehyde, taco trucks, and liz's 'spray'

We were staring at a sheep brain cut in half.  Class was almost done but we had a few minutes to look back over our dissection and really evaluate what we were looking at.  It's a late afternoon/evening class which meant we were close to dinner.  My mind was vacillating between compartmentalizing the smell of formaldehyde, retaining the different parts of the brain that we were able to visually see, and trying to decide if I was going to walk across the street from the school and get a burrito from the taco truck before the lecture part of the class started (the lab portion is where you do dissection).

I picked up the half of brain I was looking at and started sorting through the parts.  It has the look of  white meat (almost like a chicken thigh that has been pounded out and marinated- if you live in my area, imagine No-Ho's chicken) that is very tender and maybe a bit over marinated (this could be the formaldehyde).  I then started thinking about whether people eat animal brains (I know they eat intestines and tongue).  Then, true to my personality, I personalized my thoughts....

'Liz, if you were stranded on an island and had to choose between eating this sheep brain (minus the formaldehyde) or bugs, what would you choose?'
She didn't even hesitate.....'THE BUGS! I couldn't eat brain'
'I would choose the brain' is what I told her.  The bugs seem like way less protein and a whole lot more work to consume....I would have to remove the Dura Mater on the outside though and peel off the blood vessels surrounding the outside portion of the brain.  I also think I would have to take small enough bites that I could swallow them whole, without chewing or tasting.  But other than that, I would be good to go :)

We finished up the dissection and headed across the street to the taco truck where we both got burritos.  The whole time I was eating dinner I kept smelling formaldehyde.  During lecture, I kept smelling whiffs of what I thought was formaldehyde.  I finally smelled my hands to see if I had remnants that had not washed off my hands from the dissection.  It was then I realized I was not smelling formaldehyde but 'taco' smell from my burrito (salsa, onion, garlic, etc.)....I got up and went to the bathroom where I washed my hands really good with lots of soap and then went back to class, telling Liz about my whiffs of pseudo formaldehyde.  True to her personality, which is all about cleanliness, cozy comfort, and organization, She reached into her bag and pulled out her 'spray' (I don't know exactly what her spray is except that it smells so good- like a mixture of fall and Christmas and I guarantee, even without asking her, that it has some sort of potent anti-bacterial added in too).  We proceeded to spray our hands (and my shirt) with Christmas in a bottle and finished listening to lecture....She filling in her notes with color coded pens so she could distinguish between important info while I was just trying to find where on our notes our professor was talking from and then chicken scratching in my important notes.

The sheep brain

It's so intricate....Isn't God amazing :)

You are required to wear goggles and gloves while dissecting.

oh, those moral dilemma's

It's always a challenge, at least for me, to stay off of the self-imposed 'idealistic' moral train. Meaning that what I would 'idealistically' do vs. what I would 'actually' do may be two different things.  As a Christian, my 'idealistic' side often tell myself that passive action is always right.  It's not a side of myself I readily admit, or show, that when my actions are not passive, I'm fighting off the guilt of whether or not I acted in the right way.  Often times, I will agonize in my prayers, wishing the Lord would take out my naturally assertive (and when prompted right, I'm flat out aggressive) side and instead replace it with a passive softness that others would admire.  The Lord has not granted my request, at least to date, so on I go, as the naturally assertive lady who's passivity and admired softness has escaped her (the humility of it all).

I say all of this, mostly to justify my response to a moral dilemma question we were given in Psychology class.  The class is online so our responses go onto a discussion board for the instructor and all the participating students to see (you do not get to see your fellow students responses until you have posted your own response).  When I first read the moral dilemma, I thought it through three ways.  First, what would be the idealistic 'Christian' response (in my idealistic mind, this would mean obedience and passivity).  Second, what would be my response (my real response with no idealism).  Thirdly, was my real response a Godly one.  If not, why wasn't my 'real' response Godly.  I settled fairly quickly on the fact that while my response is neither obedient or passive (and even includes breaking the law), it was one that I believe the Lord would be proud of me for making-    

Here's the scenario we were given:

'In Europe, a woman was near death from a special kind of cancer.  There was one drug that the doctors thought might save her.  It was a form of radium that a druggist in the same town had recently discovered.  The drug was expensive to make, but the druggist was charging ten times what the drug cost him to make.  He paid $400. for the radium and charged $4000. for a small dose of the drug.  The sick woman's husband, Heinz, went to everyone he knew to borrow the money and tried every legal means, but he could only get together about $2000, which is half of what it cost.  He told the druggist that his wife was dying, and asked him to sell it cheaper or let him pay later.  But the druggist said, 'No, I discovered the drug and I'm going to make money from it.' (jerk! this is my insertion :).  So, having tried every legal means, Heinz gets desperate and considers breaking into the man's store to steal the drug for his wife.'

______________________________

Here are the two questions we were asked to respond to (along with my responses).

1. Was the husband's behavior excusable under the circumstances? Why or why not?

Regardless of how much we might want to have the 'right' response and correct answer to questions like these, I don't think we ever truly know what we will do until we are faced with the situation.  When someone close to you is incredibly sick and suffering, you feel emotions of desperation and become willing to make sacrifices (both good and bad) that you did not know you were capable of. 

Instead of questioning the husband's behavior, I would challenge the moral and ethical behavior of the druggist.  I would call to light the oath he took as he became a druggist and the specific statement in that oath that says this:

"I promise to devote myself to a lifetime of service to others through the profession of pharmacy. In fulfilling this vow:

• I will consider the welfare of humanity and relief of suffering my primary concerns. 
• I will apply my knowledge, experience, and skills to the best of my ability to assure optimal outcomes for my patients.
• I will respect and protect all personal and health information entrusted to me.
• I will accept the lifelong obligation to improve my professional knowledge and competence.
• I will hold myself and my colleagues to the highest principles of our profession’s moral, ethical and legal conduct.
• I will embrace and advocate changes that improve patient care.
• I will utilize my knowledge, skills, experiences, and values to prepare the next generation of pharmacists.

I take these vows voluntarily with the full realization of the responsibility with which I am entrusted by the public.”

Is it adequate care that the druggist would not budge on the price of medicine that could save somebody's life?  Considering the amount that he himself marked the medicine up?  Is he taking his position of authority and abusing it to the point of causing an individual (the husband) intolerable stress.  Is this really a case of a druggist who baits a patients family, forcing them into either crime or death?  Yes, it is.  

In this case, the druggist needs to be disbarred and fined and possibly serve prison time for his actions.

The husband, bless his heart, needs to be reassured that he was forced into a decision that was never his burden to carry.  If the law did choose to punish him, he can hold his head high and know that what he did was, at it's core, heroic.  

I would have made the same decision as the husband.  There's a part of me that wants to act like I would come up with something legal and more rational but the reality is, forced to make a choice between my husband dying or stealing the medicine he needed to live, I would steal the medicine and not have one regret that I did.

(In this situation, I choose human rights and universal human ethics over law and order and obedience)

2. If you were the husband, what could you have done instead of stealing the drug?

Time was of the essence for this gentleman's wife so saving for the treatment does not sound like an option.  He pursued borrowing money from those he knew.  I'm sure he begged the doctor to lower the cost of the treatment.  If he owned property or livestock, he could have possibly sold those things.  If there was another doctor around, he could ask him to sell it to him for cheaper.  

This is random....I keep seeing an ad for an online site that sells prescription glasses.  Out of curiosity (and because I desperately need reading glasses), I went to their sight and was intrigued that you could upload a picture of yourself and 'try' on glasses.  I spent an hour 'trying' on glasses and bouncing back and forth between cringing and laughing. (glassesusa was the site)