The Start He Has Allowed.....Happy 2nd Birthday Ellie Marie

Dear Ellie,

Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Girl!  It has been mommy's practice, since long before you were born, to write in my Bible- I will write out verses that stand out to me. I also write out prayers to the Lord thanking Him for either answered prayers or things that I am praying about now and still waiting on answers for.  I do this Elle's because I want to always remember God's workings in my life- I also want to leave this as a 'reading' legacy for you, Eli, and Ryan- you see, a majority of the prayers are over all 3 of your precious lives..........someday, you will get to read through most of mommy's Bible's (I have given 2 of my 'written in' Bible's away. One to my sister Anne Loree and one to a precious teen named Kayla) and read these prayers and prayer requests- There is no doubt in my mind that you will be impacted greatly when you read for yourself through the prayers mommy has written in regards to your life both before you joined our family and after- It will not be because of Mommy writing the prayers that will impact you the most but instead because God has shown himself mighty in the way he has orchestrated your life this far (and I know into the future).  You will need to know this sweetie- Not just hear it from mommy and daddy as you get older but know for yourself that God's plan for your life was and is perfect for you...The start He has allowed to your life gives you a unique and distinct advantage..........You will be able to share God's love and speak God's healing truth to those who are struggling because their forever family and home was or is not theirs biologically.....To those who like you have been adopted.

As mommy grabbed my Bible tonight, the one that say's 'Steph Loves Matt' on the front, I opened to the third page from the front and let the 2 years ago memory come flooding into my mind...........

I was sitting on the bed in your hospital room- you were just hours old...After holding you until you fell asleep, I laid you down in the portable bassinet that the hospital provides and dug through my purse for a pen....I turned to the third page of my Bible to write out one of the most important prayers in our families life's history...

'6/18/11- Thank you so much Dear Lord Jesus for your answer to our adoption prayer.  Ellie Marie Buma was born 6/18/11 @ 11:46 a.m. weighing 5 obs. 3 ozs. 17 1/2 inches long!  To you Lord Jesus be the Glory for her life!'

We love you Ellie....
Your birth family loves you.......
But most importantly your Heavenly Father Loves you.....

Happy Birthday!

Grace for Gideon

Our Sunday School class is going through the Bible over the course of several years- We are currently in Judges and went through Chapters 6-8 this past Sun.  I have read through the story of Gideon before and cruised right through, but this past Sun. I could feel my heart stirring as our Bible Study Teacher Ed had us look at it a little closer.  Sun. night when all my kids were in bed I grabbed my Bible and started reading back through the story..........

Judges 6:

¹¹ The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. ¹² When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said,

“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

¹³ “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied,

“But if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?

Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’

But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”

¹⁴ The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

¹⁵ “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel?

 My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

¹⁶ The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”

¹⁷ Gideon replied, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.'
 

Before Gideon obeyed the Lord and went to battle against Midian he asked the Lord for 4 different signs.........4 different confirmations.............4 times of the Lord responding to Gideon's request of proof.

The question was asked in our Sunday School class whether or not Gideon was wrong to ask God for a sign (or several signs) that it was indeed HIM calling Gideon.

I believe God answered that question for us as we read farther..........The rest of chapter 6 describes the signs Gideon asks to be confirmed and shows God answering with a confirmation each time....

God answered Gideon.....
not with a lightening bolt or a case of leprosy for his doubt
not with a harsh response that would make the already low self esteemed Gideon shrink back and tremble

God answered Gideon with Grace!
God's unmerited favor beaming down on a doubting man...

 As the 'grace' light bulb went on in my head I glanced back through the story with my awareness set to purposefully notice God's grace.........

• The Lord challenged Gideon's doubts about himself (I am the weak and least) and called him Mighty Warrior.....God's Grace!
• The Lord called out strength in Gideon (strength that Gideon did not see in himself)..'Go in Strength'...God's Grace!
• He challenged Gideon's belief that he and his people were abandoned by God by assuring him that He(God) was with him (16)...God's Grace!
• He gave Gideon a new direction- from threshing wheat to thrashing the Midians :)....God's Grace on not only Gideon but on Gideon's people!!

Thank you Lord Jesus that you desire relationship with us based on your grace.  Thank you that you have allowed us to see your grace through this story of Gideon and that the same grace you gave to Gideon you give to us.  Thank you that we have the opportunity to show grace to others because of the grace you show us.  I love you Dear Lord Jesus...
 

 p.s. Gideon followed the Lord's leading and defeated the Midianites.....'The battle belongs to the Lord' (WHOOP WHOOP!!!)

 

 

Ponderings on Letting Go, Faith Stuggles, and Dating/Courting

• Every experience in life is meant to be lived (Psalm 139:16).  Some we want to remember and some we long to forget- It is the ones we want to forget that will often times impact our lives the most-   I have found (in my life) that embracing what I have longed to forget and then calling it forward for what it actually was or is (good, bad, and sometimes ugly) has been some of the most healing and defining moments of my life.  It is not by accident that tucked away in the Psalms (51:6) we are told that the Lord desires truth in our innermost parts.

• Letting go as our kids get older is not easy. Those of us who will choose to let go in a balanced way have successfully navigated through one of the hardest seasons of life.  As a mother, It has to be a choice because there is nothing in us naturally that wants to do anything but nurture and keep our children under our wings close.  I am learning that letting go for the wise of us starts with the recognizing of....'They are yours Heavenly Father...'  In acknowledging this simple truth we then look to the author of life for His guidance and wisdom for those which He has entrusted us with......

• I have a heart for people who have struggled at one time or another in their faith walk and at my core understand.  Those who the Lord called out mighty in but who choose to focus on only the weak they saw in themselves.  Men of old like Moses, David, Gideon....The Israelites....The Bible is full of struggling hero's in the faith.  It's nice to know that God is not scared off by weak faith nor did it stop Him from raising that weak faith into mighty.......Thank you so much Lord Jesus for never giving up on us (Phil 2:13).

• After much mulling it's my fond conclusion that it does not matter if you choose to call it 'courting' or 'dating' for our youth....it boils down to the heart behind the matter- if one is emphatically called 'courting' for the simple fact of pride (choosing the 'better way') then the heart will be missed and the head will be filled.  Same with standing on 'dating' so that the voice of liberal and tradition will be heard.  The voice clamoring to hold on to the independence of non crowd dating mixed with validating what was done in their youth so that ownership of something done wrong does not follow.....this will ensure that the heart once again is missed and independence and tradition for the sake of independence tradition prevails.  Before anyone gets fired up (and my inbox becomes full) what if we were not called to claim name for what we pursue but instead claim Jesus?  What if the Lord is showing me that it is ok for my kids to date/court (with boundaries) singly and your child to only court/date in a group.  What if Jesus see's the individual heart and calls the parents accordingly- what if He does not call for pride or traditions sake but calls in perfection for relationship's sake...............

Now you all know what I have been pondering- Hope you are having a fantastic Tues.

p.s. Congratulations to my son Ryan who graduated from 8th grade this morning!!

Often or Sparsely I Love you

In the argument that I love you should not be said often and to the random but instead spoken sparsely and to only a few this was said....

'Telling someone you love them changes everything,  They will think we are better friends than we are, and the next thing you know they will be inviting us over for supper.  Then we will have to invite them over, and before long we will be worn out.  You don't say I love you to just anyone.  It can get you in trouble.'

The Author ( (Philip Gulley, Christmas in Harmony pg. 22) is describing the different opinions between a husband and wife as they are deciding how to sign their Christmas Card.........The husband wanting the signature of 'we love you' and the wife wanting 'Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday's'- something informal and traditional.........

The wife fighting for reserve while, the husband having witnessed the pain of unspoken love elects to splurge and sign their card that year with 'We Love You'

The book page and discussion ends with this observation by the husband:

'God could have sent a lawyer who would scrupulously (having strict regard for moral integrity) define the limits of love.  Instead, he went for broke and sent a child with whom He was well pleased.  And had the good sense to tell him so.' 

 

As I was leaving my friend Michelle's house a couple of weeks ago I was almost to my car when I heard her voice call out 'love you Steph!!'

 

It instantly warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face- I called back to her 'Love you too!!'

 

All that being said, what if we all went for broke and said 'I love you' more often- went out on a limb and risked speaking the words that so many of us long for and need to hear...........

 

What if we followed the lead and had the good sense to tell those around us 'I love you'.........

 





Welcome to Your 14th Year Ryno Chase

Coming into the world at 5:25 p.m. on Sat. June 5, 1999 was my Ryan Chase- He joined the world on Natalie Peck's graduation day, My high school friend Megan's Birthday, and my friend Val's Birthday.  It is strange the things you remember (and don't remember) about the day you give birth to your children..........

Dear Ryan,
I ate Taco Bell the night before I went into labor with you- I was reminded of this the whole day of your delivery- To this day mommy can not stand Taco Bell's ground beef.  We lived about 40 minutes away from the Hospital I was delivering you at and for some reason, that Sat. morning when I woke up I wanted to go spend the day with Nana (my mom).  Daddy was working and I did not feel like being alone- It did not help that I was 9 day's over due with you and very uncomfortable.  I knew if I was at Nana's she would help me with 3 year old Eli.  I was also headed to Natalie's (grew up with her older sister Kim- Kim went home to heaven on her 17th b-day.  Nat is like a little sister) graduation from high school and going to visit with my friend Megan. 
By mid morning I had called Megan to let her know that your labor had possibly started so canceling the visit would be best.  I also gave Nat a heads up that as long as you were not delivering I would make it to her graduation.
Daddy was working as the manager of the feed and farm department of a local farm store and worked most Sat. from 8-5.  He was going to take very minimal time off after you were born so it was decided that if that Sat. I was indeed in labor he would stay at work and I would call him when I felt like it was time to go to the hospital......
As the afternoon wore on it became obvious that labor was in full swing.  When mommy is having a lot of pain, certain things annoy me...heavy breathing in others (which is just normal breathing but sounds heavy when one is laboring), the stares of on lookers as the labor pains start really hurting, any sort of touching (hands off the back, no wash cloth on the forehead, no rubbing my back), and encouragement (I already know I am going to make it through the experience- I need to focus not have a cheering section).  Nanny is one of the most compassionate people we know and wants nothing more than to nurture, encourage, and touch- Bless her heart!!  During every hard contraction mommy had with you while I was in labor at nana's house I had her go outside- she would mow her lawn for about 5 minutes and come back inside where we would sit on her couch and talk like nothing was going on..........5 minutes later the cycle would circle around- Nanny called aunt Jodi to let her know that labor had started, and Auntie, being of the compassionate nature like Nana could not stand to know that I was in any sort of pain and she was not around to help.........
When I saw her drive into nana's driveway (about 3:30 in the afternoon) I crawled (having one of those bad contractions) to the bedroom I slept in while living at home and rested my head on my old bed.  With auntie looking on from the bedroom door with a concerned look on her face I did the only thing I could think to do to regain focus...........busted out in song...........Twinkle Twinkle Little Star :)
Mommy had nana call daddy at work around 4- I also asked Nanny to call Nat to let her know that I was not making it to her graduation.
Daddy made it to nana's about 4:30- walked in the door and asked me if on our way to the hospital he could go through the drive up at the bank to cash his check.........
I didn't even need to say a word- the glowering glare assured him going directly to the hospital would be best.
We arrived at the same hospital Auntie Jodi and I were born at, the same hospital Eli was born at, and the hospital you were going to be born at just before 5:00 p.m.
By 5:05 mommy was getting assessed by a nurse who, upon realizing how far into labor I actually was, calmly but in a very hurried manner said 'I need to go call the dr.'
In those 20 minutes it took mommy to deliver you I have 2 memories
first..As those hard contractions hit I begged daddy to kill me- The nurse in a very sharp tone got right in my face and said 'it is not our practice to kill people at the hospital, we save lives!!' (clearly she had never gone through a natural child birth delivering a 9 pound child) and second...begging the doctor for any type of pain medication- He promptly gave me a shot that numbed my left leg but nothing else...........it took almost a full day for the numbing sensation to wear off.
You were born at 5:25.....9 pounds 3 oz
A big beautiful healthy boy!!
Welcome to your 14th year Ryno Chase- We love you so much!

Mommy

P.S. My high school friend Megan was the only non-family visitor I allowed to visit me in the hospital after Ryan was born...Thank you for the visit Meg and Happy Birthday!

P.S.S. Happy Birthday Val!

Ryan almost a year old

Rebuttal Reactions

Rebuttal-  'Rebuttal means an opposing argument in a debate.  A rebuttal is the claim, or proof, that an accusation or argument is false.'

Reaction- 'An action performed or a feeling experienced in response to a situation or event'

Rebuttal Reaction- Actions performed or feelings experienced in the way of an opposing argument or debate in response to a situation or event.

I once read that a new church started on the basis of a rebuttal to another church (or churches or denominations) will inevitably fail. To summarize the article (I wish I could find it to add the link on here) the woman (who has been a pastors wife for years) said that failure comes because the foundation of the church was not based on a calling from the Lord but on a foundation of anger, pride, hurt, etc. This congregation will not stop using rebuttal as their foundation in the structure of their church (thus always being in some sort of dissention) which leads to division and eventually the church dissolves.

The Lord used this article to grab my attention and zero in on some of my rebuttal reactions- To really look at the basis for my strong opinions/reactions and, using God's discerning wisdom, figure out if my strong opinions/reactions (which were usually causing some sort of division and dissention relationally with other Christians in my life) were based on God's truth or simply a rebuttal to a previous experience I had had..............

It was surprising how many of my opinions and reactions were simply 'my opinion'  rebuttals....absolutely nothing to do with Godliness but simply my strong will reacting to the situation with my opinion (and not God's). 

The Lord has been using this awareness to make me pause (sometimes before and sometimes after if I get ahead of myself and fall back into my old reactions) and question what the foundation of my opinions are- a mental checklist follows:

• Is what I am negatively reacting to really a salvation saving issue (sin spelled out in the Bible) or simply a difference of opinion.  If it is a sin, absolutely confront it (Matt 18) in a Biblical manner with scripture backing you up and love leading the way.  It is surprising how often it is not a sin what the other person is doing but simply a different way of doing things than I would.
• Is expressing my opinion for the persons good (again the non sinful things- we are always called to confront sin) or is it me simply needing to vent my view (causing damage to the relationship).
• If what the other person is doing or expressing is getting me all fired up (again not the salvation saving issues) is it because I am battling an insecurity that I am not willing to face (this usually ends up being the root of my strong reactions to non sinful things- the Lord allowing a situation to touch on one of my insecurities so that He can lovingly heal me of it).........

It is so humbling for this opinionated strong willed mama to filter my rebuttal reactions......... To  react out of Godliness and not out of a previous hurt or current insecurity means a whole-lota-less reactions and a whole-lota-more holding my tongue...............

Heavenly Father thank you so much that 'Your desire is for what is true in the inner parts: in the secrets of my soul you will give me knowledge of wisdom' (Ps. 51:6).

If I Were A Butcher on Not a Meatless Monday...

In my house, we are meat and potato kind of people- No Meatless Monday's over here- No Sir-eee- My husband Matt grew up on a Dairy Farm eating the meat from those dairy heifers that stopped producing milk (If my sister Jodi were a heifer she would be the queen of all of the herd- She pumped out like 15 ounces of milk from one side when her son, the man child Toby, did not nurse for a couple of hours).  Matt's family would eat meat every night (mostly beef) and we have carried on the same tradition.

When we have the option, we will buy a beef (from a local farmer)- This year we did the 'usual' and bought the local farmers beef- What was unusual about this year is another butcher (we have had the same butcher cut and wrap for years and years) did the kill, cut, and wrap (Kill fee $50 cut and wrap .55 cents a pound- I think)...........

It's whoo of us who choose how we want our beef cut and wrapped to pay attention to the cuts of meat our family eats- for instance, one should not order round steak and neck bone (neck bone.........what is that- 'Yes, could I please have an order of your neck bone soup....say's NO ONE ever!!) if all it does is sit in the freezer year after year while all the hamburger, roast, and steaks go.  It's also whoo of us to know who does the talking to the butcher to order how you would like your beef cut up.  For instance when my Matt someone's husband get's the call from the butcher and wants to make the phone call fast because of being busy say's to the butcher 'Why don't you make that 500# of beef all into hamburger patties this year'.......... I don't think the butcher knew what to do when I stood there and cried as he loaded that 500# of patties into my car (I was planning on fabulous steaks and roasts).........We ate hamburger patties in ways I never knew existed over that year (Matt has never been allowed to order again).

Back to this year's new butcher- When placing the order I decided that due to changing up the menu a bit in our house I was going to order a large amount of stew meat- It's easy to throw in a crock pot, cook for the day, and make into all sorts of delicious dishes (Stroganoff, stew, bbq'd pulled beef, etc.). 

A few nights back I pulled Matt into the kitchen...We both stared at the stew meat quickly defrosting with the plastic wrapped throughout- As it defrosted just enough to start breaking apart I would do what I have done since getting our beef- pull little bits of plastic wrapping out of the stew meat- wait for a bit and then pull more out......when all the plastic is finally out, I throw into the crock pot and get on about my day......After watching for a bit Matt walked out of the kitchen- To his back I said,

 

'If I were a butcher I would make sure when I wrapped the stew meat I did not wrap it so that it had to be defrosted so that the plastic wrapping could be picked out before cooking'

It's the little things that make life so much easier..............stew meat that comes busting out of the package in one giant heap without plastic wrapped throughout.................the little things.......

Happy not a Meatless Monday!!