santification...

I haven't blogged for several weeks and have about another month of 'summer blogging break' but thought I would post tonight....

Earlier this year I grabbed a five star 'Mead' notebook and filled up 2 pages. 
That's It-
Just 2....after those 2 there are 298 blank- I will usually write out journal type entries in my Bible but this day, I was feeling wordy.....I needed to get it all out.....spill my guts (Tre'ba you taught me to say spill my guts....love you friend) to our Heavenly Father- To the One that hears our hearts so intimately, understands so divinely, and comforts so completely....

I happened to open the drawer where I put the notebook tonight and glanced over what I had written in February......This past February was a month of pruning in my own personal spiritual life- Our family was getting ready to visit Hawaii for vacation and I knew my boys wanted to move back...maybe not immediately but that it was on their minds as a possibility- I didn't know if this trip was going to seal the deal and confirm that we would be moving back....It has never been a secret that the time we spent living in Hawaii was a difficult season for me- It was a season that the Lord brought me face to face with a lot of my short comings and had me see myself for who I really am outside of Him....without Him guiding me I am selfish, strong willed to the point of destruction, arrogant, mean, angry, the list could go on.  As our visit to Hawaii was getting closer I was having to revisit those old tendencies and lay my bare vulnerable heart before the Lord....If moving back to Hawaii was what was best for our family then I would go and do it (through God's strength) better than what I had before....

My Utmost for His Highest was my devotion and the day was Feb 8- The cost of sanctification...

'Sanctification means to be intensely focused on God's point of view.  It means to secure and keep all the strength of our body, soul, and spirit for God's purpose alone.  Are we really prepared for God to perform in us everything for which He separated us?'

 

After reading this part of the devotion I grabbed a pen and that empty five star mead notebook and wrote the following prayer....

 

'Heavenly Father, being sanctified to the point that I am completely out of my comfort zone is scary to me...It makes me think of a season of life where every comfort I knew was stripped away- It left me feeling isolated, lonely, bare, depressed.....Father I feel like living that far out of my comfort zone both strengthens and tears me down inside.  It tears down the personality I feel like you gave me but strengthens the dependence I have on you....

The road to Sanctification 'feels' heavy right now....drudgery, overwhelming, like something I will keep pursuing because you have called us to be sanctified and I want to please you but my heart feels heavy when I think about it.  Please Jesus let your truth sink to the inner most parts of my heart....please let the places in my heart and life that I have allowed to become oppressed with 'feelings' be replaced with your joy and peace....

Please let sanctification mean being part of a community of believers that are thriving and grow in you.  Please let it mean a 'family' feel...please let it mean joy and laughter with others...full of support during hard times.  Please let it mean both physical and emotional serving...please let it mean both the receiving and giving of unconditional acceptance in a healthy way.  Please let it mean healthy Godly confrontation when needed and not passive aggressive confrontation.  Please let it mean discernment and wisdom....Please let it mean wise humility.

Father please gently help me understand how to live this sanctified life (not a religious life but a Godly life)....I love you Lord Jesus'

 

After writing this prayer out I had a peace- A peace that passed all of my human understanding...followed by a deep understanding that God's way was what I wanted to follow even if I did not understand it in the here and now.

We had an amazing visit to Hawaii but realized that in this season we are in, Oregon is our home- Hawaii will always be in our hearts but for now and into the distant future it is not our home...

 

'He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.'

Phil 1:6

p.s. Reading back over this prayer also made me appreciate my Church Family here in Oregon and the precious Godly friends I have who do not attend my church- ladies the Lord has allowed me to walk life with who are being sanctified also...a family of Believers who, by example, taught me how to verbalize the above prayer- It's what I have in my home church and my Godly sisters now (family feel, joy, laughter, support during hard times, etc.) ...such a blessing.

 

Thanks for spending time with me this evening- May God Bless and Keep each one of you...

 

Steph

 

As I took this picture, I smiled and imagined that the light spot in the clouds was indeed the heart that it looks like and that God was telling us how much He loves us :)

 

 

 



be back soon....

Good Afternoon!!

Just wanted to let you all know that I am taking the summer off from blogging.....I will see you all again in the fall- Thinking September(ish).  If anything really important happens I will make sure to post- If not, have a fun rest of your summer and we will catch up soon!!

Warmly,
Steph

p.s. for those that would like to get a hold of me you can e-mail: blessingofadoption@hotmail.com

p.s.s. In place of blogging I have been doing a 90 day read through the Bible Challenge......the structure of the reading is set up so that you read 12 pages of your Bible a day- It takes about 45 minutes to one hour and your eyes are a bit fuzzy from all of the small black print when you are done...WAIT maybe it's not from the small black print but instead because I need to go get reading glasses :) I started reading a little under two weeks ago and am on day 6 (should be on day 12)...I am ordering the Bible on Audio so that I can have the option to listen (I spend a lot of time in my car) or read.  Excited to make my way through- Always amazed that no matter how many times one reads their Bible, God brings to light new things (that have always been in the Bible but my brain has never retained). 

Again, have a great summer and will see you this fall!!

ellie talks to caiden

Ellie's Birth Mom Heather and I have talked about setting up a time so that Ellie and her half brother Caiden could talk on the phone.  This would be the first time they have spoken to each other.

Caiden and Ellie are just under 3 years apart.  Caiden was born in September of 2008 and Ellie in June of 2011- They both have the same biological mom (Heather) but different fathers....Caiden's birth father is named Rex and Ellie's is Arthur.  Caiden lives with Heather and Heather's husband Chris in Georgia.

Yesterday afternoon Caiden left a message on my cell for Ellie:

'Hey Ellie, this is your brother Caiden....call me back- Love you, Bye'

 

 

This afternoon, it worked in both Heather and my schedules for the kids to talk- It was a cute conversation.  They talked about school, swimming, and life jackets (among other things)-

The below picture was taken when Ellie was talking to Caiden and the below video is a quick clip of the end of their conversation.

 

This is one of the many blessings of an open adoption- That Ellie can stay in contact with her Biological siblings....

 

 



simple and sweet

 

Simple and Sweet-

Some warm weather and a sprinkler kept our Ellie entertained all afternoon- such a simple thing... Water coming out of a $2 plastic sprinkler produced such a sweet afternoon...........

The smile on her face in the last picture is precious.

Elle's daddy and I had such a fun afternoon watching you run through the sprinkler!!

 

the mare and the donkey

Since last July (13') when Matt and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary it feels like I have continued the celebration in my mind.
The march to 20 years of marriage (in my mind) is a milestone of sorts- Maybe not for some but it seems like it for us.
well not really a march for My Matt and I but more like stubborn sitting followed by a sharp kicking followed by wild running..
one year to another to another....
He get's annoyed and sits in place and I come by and 'WHACK'....
we're off :)
......(ok not literally a whack and he's not literally sitting- I'm using Metaphor's here)

A few years back we were in Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  We were passing farm after farm- some containing horses, some cows, some both- As we were passing a horse farm we all (the boys were with us) happened to be looking at 2 horses that were standing very close to each other- Before either one of us could blink one of the horses (Mare?) quickly backed away and delivered 2 Jacky Chan looking kicks to the side of the other horse.  Matt proudly announced to our boys (who had been watching)...
'That horse (the kicking one) is just like your mom boys- It's a Stephanie Horse!!'
Maybe it's unhealthy humor on our part, but we all laughed and I replied 'If we are labeling each other by horse names than your horse example would be a Donkey.....we all know the proper name for donkey's!!' and the laughing continued.

Certain types of Mares are described as being moody, aggressive, and strong willed
All types of Donkey's are described as being stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn (if they do not want to do something they will literally sit on their bottoms and not move until they feel like it)

I guess as mares and donkey's get older they start settling down just a bit- a little less strong willed and a bit less stubborn...
maybe Matt and I will develop each into those passive type of horses that let children braid their hair (bleh) and are chosen to ride beginners around because we are considered so docile (double bleh)
or maybe we'll just be left out in a pasture, the two of us together.....to give tourists a good hardy laugh as we prod each other on...
one sitting and one kicking.

I love you Matthew Benjamin and consider it an honor that the Lord has chosen me to spur you on in this life....As you well know, I take this job very seriously....
I am now throwing my head back and laughing

'And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds'

Hebrews 10:24

botox, your out- wrinkled skin, your in!!

I've always said that I was going to have some sort of medical procedure done on my face when I turned 35.
So 35 came and I said this....
'If we don't end up adopting, I am going to buy a (2005 Black) BMW X5, take a 2 week trip to China with the organization 'Show Hope' and spend every minute of that time rocking and praying over all the orphaned babies in Maria's Big House of Hope, AND get some sort of laser peel done on my face.'
Praise the Lord we adopted the year I was 35
Time has marched on and so has the collagen that once graced the derma layer of my skin.  In it's place it has left age spots, wrinkles, UV Spots, garganguous pores (maybe the big pores are a result of my sis and I picking our zits faithfully every night when we were in high school), Porphyrins, and poor texture......
How do I know the word 'Porphyrins' you might ask?
(I can't remember what it means)

I went to my long awaited 'some sort of medical procedure' consultation today-
I brought my friend Deb because no woman should brave the dermatology world alone.

You start off with removing all of your makeup besides eye and lip...I guess the machine can't get a proper reading if you have on make up.
you then stick your head into a machine- The machine reminded me of the old time camera's that you would stick your head in and cover the back of your head with a black towel (my head was even covered with a black cloth napkin looking thing)....The machine takes pictures that analyze the top layer and several layers beneath that top layer of skin.....

Here's how the chips fell for me

Out of 100 ladies my age, I rank in the top 12 worst for Wrinkles, Texture to my skin, and UV spots (13% on this one)..........hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
shoulda choose sunscreen instead of baby oil
I was also informed that I have some sort of discoloration (she used a big word) that will continue to get darker with age (and sun exposure)...the discoloration is similar to 'pregnancy mask'.
I wish I could scan the pictures in of my face so you all could see but my scanner is broken.

The attending Physician's Assistant recommended I start on an antibiotic for the (non pregnancy) pregnancy mask along with starting a skin regimen that will help lighten the skin....She said a laser peel was out of the question but that Botox was highly recommended....The Botox would relax my face muscles so that they would be virtually un useable (she showed me the botox'd areas on her face- she could not squint or lift her eyebrows)

I enjoy squinting and raising my eyebrows too much
Botox your out....wrinkled sun damaged skin, your in!!
Maybe when I get a bit older and my skin won't even register on the fancy pictures, I will qualify for my much dreamed about laser peel...
Until then I will embrace Mary Kay's full coverage foundation for all of the age spots and cut my bangs shorter to cover the wrinkles on my forehead :)

 

Below is a pic of Deb and I a few years back- We were at the beach in Maui......My un-sunscreened forehead a beacon for all kinds of sun destruction :)



p.s. thanks for going with me today deb- I love you lots!!

trip to t.j.'s

Is it too informal to call Trader Joe's T.J.'s..........I usually save the nick names for those I have known for years and have come to adore (the rule of thumb is that if you receive a little somein' somein' from Goodwill from me you know your 'in'....if I call you by a nick name AND have bought you something from Goodwill you know you've arrived....smile)

It is only recently that our town inherited Trader Joe's- Before it's local arrival it was a bit inconvenient to get to (closest one was 4 hours away) and a bit small- We would stop every once in awhile when we were in their neighborhood but were never overly impressed....Looking back, the store we were visiting was on the petite size compared to their usual store size...I had heard a ton about their wine (believe the name was five buck chuck- or two buck chuck.....maybe up chuck....hee hee hee- too lazy to google the wine name but you get my drift).  Not being a big wine drinker I decided to try their cookies and snack type stuff on that first visit.
Fast forward a few years and move your thoughts to a tropical island, far far out to sea, where the palm trees sway and the sun always shines....
Kauai
Martin and Mary were coming to visit their children Antone and Dionne- In that visit they were also going to be staying with our family.  Mary has the amazing gift of hospitality and shares it with those around her....upon her visit she brought us a slew of goodies from Trader Joe's...
Ginger Snap Cookies (the whole round carton gone in 1 day- followed by a near migraine and a sugar low- followed by wishing for another carton), smoked salmon, you name it we got it.
LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE
Since Mary's gift offering, Trader Joe's has been on the grocery radar for a few must have's....
After one of Ryan's doctor appointments last week he asked if we could go to Chipotle for lunch..  It was 10:45 and they did not open until 11- Ulta is Chipotle's neighbor...this is where I really wanted to go but because Ry was in tow we opted for Ulta's neighbor, T.J.'s-

In the bag when Ry and I walked out was a few recommended finds:

• Mix together their sweetened coconut flakes, raw pumpkin seeds, unsalted sunflower seeds, and cranberries- Makes a protein filled tasty snack (also good mixed into your greek yogurt in the a.m.)
• 21 Season Salute- Great over almost anything
• Raspberry/Apricot shortbread cookies- If you like a buttery shortbread this cookie is for you. 
• T.J.'s Pita Crackers served with their Colby jack sliced cheese and turkey- The Colby also makes a great grill cheese...
• Gotta go back to the coconut for a sec...I think they must deep fry it- it is DELICIOUS- crisp and crunchy with a yummy coconut taste