I haven't blogged for several weeks and have about another month of 'summer blogging break' but thought I would post tonight....
Earlier this year I grabbed a five star 'Mead' notebook and filled up 2 pages.
That's It-
Just 2....after those 2 there are 298 blank- I will usually write out journal type entries in my Bible but this day, I was feeling wordy.....I needed to get it all out.....spill my guts (Tre'ba you taught me to say spill my guts....love you friend) to our Heavenly Father- To the One that hears our hearts so intimately, understands so divinely, and comforts so completely....
I happened to open the drawer where I put the notebook tonight and glanced over what I had written in February......This past February was a month of pruning in my own personal spiritual life- Our family was getting ready to visit Hawaii for vacation and I knew my boys wanted to move back...maybe not immediately but that it was on their minds as a possibility- I didn't know if this trip was going to seal the deal and confirm that we would be moving back....It has never been a secret that the time we spent living in Hawaii was a difficult season for me- It was a season that the Lord brought me face to face with a lot of my short comings and had me see myself for who I really am outside of Him....without Him guiding me I am selfish, strong willed to the point of destruction, arrogant, mean, angry, the list could go on. As our visit to Hawaii was getting closer I was having to revisit those old tendencies and lay my bare vulnerable heart before the Lord....If moving back to Hawaii was what was best for our family then I would go and do it (through God's strength) better than what I had before....
My Utmost for His Highest was my devotion and the day was
Feb 8- The cost of sanctification...
'Sanctification means to be intensely focused on God's point of view. It means to secure and keep all the strength of our body, soul, and spirit for God's purpose alone. Are we really prepared for God to perform in us everything for which He separated us?'
After reading this part of the devotion I grabbed a pen and that empty five star mead notebook and wrote the following prayer....
'Heavenly Father, being sanctified to the point that I am completely out of my comfort zone is scary to me...It makes me think of a season of life where every comfort I knew was stripped away- It left me feeling isolated, lonely, bare, depressed.....Father I feel like living that far out of my comfort zone both strengthens and tears me down inside. It tears down the personality I feel like you gave me but strengthens the dependence I have on you....
The road to Sanctification 'feels' heavy right now....drudgery, overwhelming, like something I will keep pursuing because you have called us to be sanctified and I want to please you but my heart feels heavy when I think about it. Please Jesus let your truth sink to the inner most parts of my heart....please let the places in my heart and life that I have allowed to become oppressed with 'feelings' be replaced with your joy and peace....
Please let sanctification mean being part of a community of believers that are thriving and grow in you. Please let it mean a 'family' feel...please let it mean joy and laughter with others...full of support during hard times. Please let it mean both physical and emotional serving...please let it mean both the receiving and giving of unconditional acceptance in a healthy way. Please let it mean healthy Godly confrontation when needed and not passive aggressive confrontation. Please let it mean discernment and wisdom....Please let it mean wise humility.
Father please gently help me understand how to live this sanctified life (not a religious life but a Godly life)....I love you Lord Jesus'
After writing this prayer out I had a peace- A peace that passed all of my human understanding...followed by a deep understanding that God's way was what I wanted to follow even if I did not understand it in the here and now.
We had an amazing visit to Hawaii but realized that in this season we are in, Oregon is our home- Hawaii will always be in our hearts but for now and into the distant future it is not our home...
'He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.'
Phil 1:6
p.s. Reading back over this prayer also made me appreciate my Church Family here in Oregon and the precious Godly friends I have who do not attend my church- ladies the Lord has allowed me to walk life with who are being sanctified also...a family of Believers who, by example, taught me how to verbalize the above prayer- It's what I have in my home church and my Godly sisters now (family feel, joy, laughter, support during hard times, etc.) ...such a blessing.
Thanks for spending time with me this evening- May God Bless and Keep each one of you...
Steph
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| As I took this picture, I smiled and imagined that the light spot in the clouds was indeed the heart that it looks like and that God was telling us how much He loves us :) |