the mare and the donkey

Since last July (13') when Matt and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary it feels like I have continued the celebration in my mind.
The march to 20 years of marriage (in my mind) is a milestone of sorts- Maybe not for some but it seems like it for us.
well not really a march for My Matt and I but more like stubborn sitting followed by a sharp kicking followed by wild running..
one year to another to another....
He get's annoyed and sits in place and I come by and 'WHACK'....
we're off :)
......(ok not literally a whack and he's not literally sitting- I'm using Metaphor's here)

A few years back we were in Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  We were passing farm after farm- some containing horses, some cows, some both- As we were passing a horse farm we all (the boys were with us) happened to be looking at 2 horses that were standing very close to each other- Before either one of us could blink one of the horses (Mare?) quickly backed away and delivered 2 Jacky Chan looking kicks to the side of the other horse.  Matt proudly announced to our boys (who had been watching)...
'That horse (the kicking one) is just like your mom boys- It's a Stephanie Horse!!'
Maybe it's unhealthy humor on our part, but we all laughed and I replied 'If we are labeling each other by horse names than your horse example would be a Donkey.....we all know the proper name for donkey's!!' and the laughing continued.

Certain types of Mares are described as being moody, aggressive, and strong willed
All types of Donkey's are described as being stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn (if they do not want to do something they will literally sit on their bottoms and not move until they feel like it)

I guess as mares and donkey's get older they start settling down just a bit- a little less strong willed and a bit less stubborn...
maybe Matt and I will develop each into those passive type of horses that let children braid their hair (bleh) and are chosen to ride beginners around because we are considered so docile (double bleh)
or maybe we'll just be left out in a pasture, the two of us together.....to give tourists a good hardy laugh as we prod each other on...
one sitting and one kicking.

I love you Matthew Benjamin and consider it an honor that the Lord has chosen me to spur you on in this life....As you well know, I take this job very seriously....
I am now throwing my head back and laughing

'And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds'

Hebrews 10:24

botox, your out- wrinkled skin, your in!!

I've always said that I was going to have some sort of medical procedure done on my face when I turned 35.
So 35 came and I said this....
'If we don't end up adopting, I am going to buy a (2005 Black) BMW X5, take a 2 week trip to China with the organization 'Show Hope' and spend every minute of that time rocking and praying over all the orphaned babies in Maria's Big House of Hope, AND get some sort of laser peel done on my face.'
Praise the Lord we adopted the year I was 35
Time has marched on and so has the collagen that once graced the derma layer of my skin.  In it's place it has left age spots, wrinkles, UV Spots, garganguous pores (maybe the big pores are a result of my sis and I picking our zits faithfully every night when we were in high school), Porphyrins, and poor texture......
How do I know the word 'Porphyrins' you might ask?
(I can't remember what it means)

I went to my long awaited 'some sort of medical procedure' consultation today-
I brought my friend Deb because no woman should brave the dermatology world alone.

You start off with removing all of your makeup besides eye and lip...I guess the machine can't get a proper reading if you have on make up.
you then stick your head into a machine- The machine reminded me of the old time camera's that you would stick your head in and cover the back of your head with a black towel (my head was even covered with a black cloth napkin looking thing)....The machine takes pictures that analyze the top layer and several layers beneath that top layer of skin.....

Here's how the chips fell for me

Out of 100 ladies my age, I rank in the top 12 worst for Wrinkles, Texture to my skin, and UV spots (13% on this one)..........hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
shoulda choose sunscreen instead of baby oil
I was also informed that I have some sort of discoloration (she used a big word) that will continue to get darker with age (and sun exposure)...the discoloration is similar to 'pregnancy mask'.
I wish I could scan the pictures in of my face so you all could see but my scanner is broken.

The attending Physician's Assistant recommended I start on an antibiotic for the (non pregnancy) pregnancy mask along with starting a skin regimen that will help lighten the skin....She said a laser peel was out of the question but that Botox was highly recommended....The Botox would relax my face muscles so that they would be virtually un useable (she showed me the botox'd areas on her face- she could not squint or lift her eyebrows)

I enjoy squinting and raising my eyebrows too much
Botox your out....wrinkled sun damaged skin, your in!!
Maybe when I get a bit older and my skin won't even register on the fancy pictures, I will qualify for my much dreamed about laser peel...
Until then I will embrace Mary Kay's full coverage foundation for all of the age spots and cut my bangs shorter to cover the wrinkles on my forehead :)

 

Below is a pic of Deb and I a few years back- We were at the beach in Maui......My un-sunscreened forehead a beacon for all kinds of sun destruction :)



p.s. thanks for going with me today deb- I love you lots!!

trip to t.j.'s

Is it too informal to call Trader Joe's T.J.'s..........I usually save the nick names for those I have known for years and have come to adore (the rule of thumb is that if you receive a little somein' somein' from Goodwill from me you know your 'in'....if I call you by a nick name AND have bought you something from Goodwill you know you've arrived....smile)

It is only recently that our town inherited Trader Joe's- Before it's local arrival it was a bit inconvenient to get to (closest one was 4 hours away) and a bit small- We would stop every once in awhile when we were in their neighborhood but were never overly impressed....Looking back, the store we were visiting was on the petite size compared to their usual store size...I had heard a ton about their wine (believe the name was five buck chuck- or two buck chuck.....maybe up chuck....hee hee hee- too lazy to google the wine name but you get my drift).  Not being a big wine drinker I decided to try their cookies and snack type stuff on that first visit.
Fast forward a few years and move your thoughts to a tropical island, far far out to sea, where the palm trees sway and the sun always shines....
Kauai
Martin and Mary were coming to visit their children Antone and Dionne- In that visit they were also going to be staying with our family.  Mary has the amazing gift of hospitality and shares it with those around her....upon her visit she brought us a slew of goodies from Trader Joe's...
Ginger Snap Cookies (the whole round carton gone in 1 day- followed by a near migraine and a sugar low- followed by wishing for another carton), smoked salmon, you name it we got it.
LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE
Since Mary's gift offering, Trader Joe's has been on the grocery radar for a few must have's....
After one of Ryan's doctor appointments last week he asked if we could go to Chipotle for lunch..  It was 10:45 and they did not open until 11- Ulta is Chipotle's neighbor...this is where I really wanted to go but because Ry was in tow we opted for Ulta's neighbor, T.J.'s-

In the bag when Ry and I walked out was a few recommended finds:

• Mix together their sweetened coconut flakes, raw pumpkin seeds, unsalted sunflower seeds, and cranberries- Makes a protein filled tasty snack (also good mixed into your greek yogurt in the a.m.)
• 21 Season Salute- Great over almost anything
• Raspberry/Apricot shortbread cookies- If you like a buttery shortbread this cookie is for you. 
• T.J.'s Pita Crackers served with their Colby jack sliced cheese and turkey- The Colby also makes a great grill cheese...
• Gotta go back to the coconut for a sec...I think they must deep fry it- it is DELICIOUS- crisp and crunchy with a yummy coconut taste

letters

In 2006 I went to a party at my friend Becky's house- She was hosting a 'Once Upon a Family' party.  I had never heard of the company before (the staple home parties back in the day were Tupperware, Pampered Chef, and Mary Kay) but thought it would be fun to go hang out at Becky's for an evening.
I'm so glad I went...
As the consultant started explaining about the product being sold, a box immediately caught my eye.  It was a hard cardboard box probably a foot long and six inches wide...inside was 18 envelopes and 18 stationary cards- One for each year of your child's life...the goal was that one would write their child a letter each year on their birthday- You would store them in the box until it was time to give them to your child.
In 2006 Eli was turning 10 and Ry was turning 7-
Over the course of 8 years I have written to my boys 9 letters (Ellie has 3)....
For all of my mommy friends out there- This is one of the 'I would recommend' doing for your kids... :)

Matt asked me when I was going to give Eli his- technically Eli's letters are complete
'When he's ready' was my answer.....
'How will you know when he's ready?'

I'll just know

UPDATE- June 23, 2017...Ellie has 6 letters, Ryan's last letter (he has 11 letters) was written earlier this month (his 18th birthday), and Eli has 8 letters.  For my mom friends out there- I'm still SO GLAD I did this.

for i know.

'For I know the One in whom I trust...'
It's been a heavy month.  Emotionally, Spiritually and Physically...
There are times when one or two of the above will combine and create a difficulty but it's not too often that all three mingle in the same breath...
For me, it's the inhale of an emotionally difficult situation that will determine the exhale.  How to process the knowledge of the scary and sad- things that you can not tuck away in the clean compartment of 'we will deal with this later' or 'it's not as bad as what it looks like'.
It was just past midnight last Tues. night that I woke up panicked.  Panic, Anxiety, and Fear are a natural default if I am not careful....careful to remember the One in whom I trust- careful to remember His promises- careful to remember that it is He who is in control...He who is guarding and guiding.
As I lay in the dark, staring at the reflection of the clock on the ceiling above the bed, my heart started pounding- racing really...
'What's wrong with Ryan....He's been sick for 24 days and keeps getting sicker'
'What is the reading of the MRI going to say- The picture of Ryan's feet sticking out of the machine earlier that morning was blaring in my mind- the blood draws and the 'we are not quite sure what this is' from the doctors'- I had googled enough about what was going on with Ryan to know that it was more than likely Lyme's disease.  I didn't know how far it had progressed but had read horror story after horror story to know it was serious and needed to be treated quickly..
'They just gave Malina 72 hours to live- The Leukemia had come back only this time there was no treatment left.....Jesus WHY....she's so young- she's the mommy to a daughter just 9 months older then Ellie- she needs to raise her daughter- Her husband and family have already seen her suffer so much- they need her too... please Jesus give them strength and give Malina strength....JESUS!!!'
The panic spiraled down from there.......
heart pounding, shaking, the overwhelming thoughts one after another until they seemed to create a pile up crash- the scene of what you would see on the freeway when that first car spirals out of control and there are 20 more behind that can not stop in time....

My Bible was on my nightstand- I grabbed it and put it under my pillow....
With all the panic thoughts, the consistent quiet of 2 Timothy 1:12 was being nudged on my heart...

'For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.'

The choice was mine- was I going to focus on the very real and very loud crash and burn thoughts or was I going to trust the One in whom I believe- The One who promises that He is able to handle and has under control all that is going on in our lives.  The One who promises a peace that passes all understanding during hard times...The One who promises that our home is Heaven and it is literally just a breath away...The One that promises strength to the weary and comfort to the broken hearted....the one that promises He will allow nothing into our lives that He will not use for our good and His Glory.... the I AM....

As the news that our Ryan does indeed have Lyme's Disease came in- to the degree he will have to battle it we do not know.  We do know that the Specialist is hopeful that 3 months of antibiotics will be the answer...
As the news that Malina was ushered into Heaven- That the much prayed for earthly healing had not taken place but instead her healing had come seeing her Lord and Savior face to face- Heaven, a place where there are no more tears- no more suffering-

As all of this (and more) was confirmed, there was a choice to be made- was I going to panic or commit it all to the Lord with the promise of peace....

I don't know what Ryan's Lyme's will end up looking like-
I can not even imagine the grief Malina's family is experiencing- There are no earthly words that can touch the depth of their sorrow
But what I do know is that we have the promise of a Keeper- a keeper who is able- A Keeper who gives peace to that which we commit to Him until the day He brings us to our Heavenly home.

Jesus I commit all that is going on with Ryan's health and Malina's family to you.......

'For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.' (2 Tim 1:12)

 

'

'i'm tree' (three)

Our girl is three (she say's 'I'm tree')
11:46 a.m.
Saturday June 18
5 lbs. 3 oz.
17 3/4 inches long
Three Years ago today...
Thank you Lord Jesus for the incredible blessing of Heather and Arthur's plus Matt and My Ellie Marie.
Elle's you are a treasured gift and we love you so so much.

Happy 3rd Birthday Baby Girl!

 

 

dry socket, dirty wind, and wounded brief :) :)

When the boys were little we would give each other 'Indian' names (Eli was all about watching Indian themed movies).  An Indian name in our family meant that you would receive a 'nick name' that in some way described you- It needed to have a bit of a funny edge to it because that's just how we are....
About the time we were giving each other Indian names Matt was told by the dentist that he needed to have his wisdom teeth taken out.  This is not fun when you are a teenager- this is really not fun when you are in your early 30's.  The wisdom teeth coming out was at the end of a decade long 'removal' for Matt.....Tonsils in his early twenties, Cyst at the top of his tail bone mid twenty's, now his wisdom teeth- The first 2 had produced infection afterwards so we were banking on whatever the worst case scenario short of death was, this would happen when his wisdom teeth came out......
It took a hospital visit and a very strong dose of antibiotics to get the dry socket infection under control over the course of a month after the surgery...
Matt's Indian name was: 'Dry Socket'

I think the first breath Eli took after gracing us with his presence went right through his body and settled into his intestines, only to be let out slowly in air pockets called gas............
The child was the gassiest and most colic infant on the face of this earth. this did not stop as he grew up.......
Eli's Indian name was: 'Dirty Wind'

Ryan was pretty much battling some sort of ailment throughout most of his childhood- Once he was potty trained and started wearing big boy underwear you could always count on his underwear hanging out the top of his pants- I would shove it down and somehow it would make it's way back up- resting comfortably in the middle of his back....looking back, I wonder if his underwear was too big- the fact that it could make it all the way up to the middle of his back leads me to believe this is such.......All that being said,
Ryan's Indian name was: 'Wounded Brief'

We never did get around to giving me an Indian name- by the time we would rehash the stories to Matt and the boy's Indian names we had usually lost interest and had moved on...

A couple of days ago Ellie asked if I wanted to have tea with her (we went with Cherry 7-Up in our tea cups instead of actual tea)
When I saw the 'selfie' pic I tried to take of us having tea I instantly thought of how we used to give each other Indian names......

I give myself the Indian name:
'Tea Cup Nose'......................................hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!!

p.s.  Ellie's Indian name would be 'Wild Hair'- not because of anything in this picture but because she truly does have 'WILD HAIR'- It is amazingly curly (like her birth mom Heather) and will not be tamed by even the most expensive product.

Dry Socket married Tea Cup nose.....They went on to have Dirty Wind and Wounded Brief....By the amazing gift of adoption they were able to have Wild Hair............

Throwing my head back and laughing!!