go for it!

I remember my Aunt Anne telling me how important it is to stay interested in what your kids are interested in.  Basically she was saying, as a parent, stay relevant.  Be able to track with what your kids are doing.
Fresh in my memory is also the smile on my friend Kristi's face last night and the twinkle in her eye as she encouraged several of us ladies to 'go for it!' To get in the lake (up here at the ranch) even though evening was coming quick, the wind had kicked up, and it was a bit chilly.  It was a fun float and made some great memories

When Eli and Ry asked Matt and I if we wanted to head to a lake about 20 minutes from our house and watch them jet ski tonight we were like 'absolutely!!' 

My boys newest thing is jet skiing
This mama hasn't been in that saddle for 20 years (except for a very short ride last week)
This mama wants to take Aunt Anne's advise and stay relevant to my boys (I love you Eli and Ry)
This mama also was impressed with her friend Kristi's advise last night to 'go for it'

Just as the boys were finishing up skiing I asked- 'Hey Ry, can I try riding your ski?'
Eli hooked me up with his life jacket and Ry handed over his ski...

For my mama friends out there....pick something your kids are loving to do right now and go join them- IT'S SO WORTH IT :)

Ry

Eli

the mammogram and brave rita

The tears started just before I was called back for the mammogram today.  My friend Deb had just left from a quick drop by to say 'hi', I had already gone through the registration process and met back up with my friend Janelle, who was so graciously waiting in the waiting room.  When I sat down by Janelle she was just finishing up reading a text from her mother in law Rita.  Among some other things Rita told Janelle she was praying for the appointment I had today.
Rita
One word comes to mind when I hear Rita's name mentioned or when I see her at church on the weeks she is in town visiting her family.
Brave
God has allowed Rita to battle a significant diagnosis of cancer- a battle that did not start and end with surgery and treatment but instead a battle that was fought and then needed to be fought again.....and possibly again. I have never heard her complain or grumble...she addresses it honestly and matter of fact with grace and class.  Instead of relating to her cancer with fear she has chosen to trust God and His call and control on her life.  I admire you Rita and thank the Lord for how you show Him off in your life- I admire that He is seen so evidently as you travel the road of cancer.  I admire that instead of sitting in self pity, you live life to the fullest with your kids and grand kids....I admire that you have gone to your cancer treatments by yourself and not crumbled with fear.
You are brave Rita and you honor God with your bravery

The tears I was crying sitting with Janelle had been building for longer than just this morning....
Three months ago was when I first felt the 'lump'.  It was painful, which was reassuring, but persistent.  By late last month I couldn't ignore the lump anymore- I have learned, as a former anxiety attacker-er, by the time something is keeping me up late at night and causing fear to start taking root in my heart, it needs to be addressed.

Doctor's are not my favorite place to visit (I would rather eat brown eggs and drink Llama milk). I had secretly hoped the lump was going to go away if I ignored it long enough- When it didn't, logic won over fear and I made the call.  The morning of my appointment I was anxious and praying.  I was praying for the courage to face the day and to actually go to the appointment and not bail at the last minute.

Rita's daughter Kimberly (who lives in London) does not know how much God used a post and picture she posted on facebook the morning of June 23 (the same day as my appointment) to calm my anxious heart.  Here Rita was at Chemo (by herself) with a heart of gratefulness- If she could face her day with gratefulness I could at least show up to my appointment.

"Wanna know how I KNOW that my mom is amazing? We were comparing our "views" via text... Mine, in Covent Garden, where I'm reading and waiting for a meeting in about an hour. Hers? At UCD having chemo with her special blanket keeping her warm. Her response? "This is my view BUT I AM GRATEFUL." And when I said "I'm so sorry". She replied with "No be grateful something is working." That, my friends, is courage. And determination. And strength. And beauty. And I have the utmost respect for her. All my love"

My appointment went smoothly and very much as expected.  The doctor felt the lump and said she thought it was a calcified milk duct or something along those lines.  She was very reassuring that due to it's shape and size it didn't feel like cancer BUT a mammogram would definitely be the best route to go. 

I had dried the tears just as my name was called to go back for the mammogram today.  The tears stayed at bay as the first couple of pictures were taken.  As the tech made her way over to where the lump was I asked 'can you tell if something is weird right away- like as soon as the picture comes up on your screen?'.  She was gracious but vague and said that she had been a mammogram tech for many years and had seen a lot of lumps that were cancerous and lumps that were non cancerous.  She said that I had fibrocystic tissue which would mean I would probably experience many mammogram's in my future.  She adjusted her machine so that she could get a reading high up in my arm pit and all the way to my chest wall.  As she did this, my tears started falling- They fell down onto the mammogram machine.  The tech glanced up from adjusting the machine and kindly asked 'are you crying?'
'I'm a mom'
'I have 3 kids'
'worst case scenario has been running through my mind for months'
She was so gracious as my tears continued to fall- So gracious when she allowed me to come over and see the picture she had taken of the lump area.  She pointed to two 'lumps' and vaguely explained what typical 'cysts' (non cancerous) looked like and how the radiologist would be reading the pictures for the final answer but to her, there was nothing that looked alarming (my doctor left at noon today so the final conclusion as to what the lumps are will not come in until Monday morning).

It is such a comfort to know that we have a God who knows our fears and meets us where we are at.  How He uses the prayers of our friends, the bravery of others, and in my case, the medical staff to place His loving arms around us.  How He does not waste a single hard time we go through but will use it to grow our faith in Him and to give others courage and comfort to face their own trials (Rita).

We have hope no matter what our diagnosis
We serve an amazing God
and He gives us others to spur us on as we walk this journey of life.
Thank you Jesus

p.s. I can not end this post without bringing up Duane- a brave father who has fought a courageous battle of cancer and is still fighting- His wife Linda walks by his side with a bravery much like Rita and has had her own battle with cancer.  I am praying for you guys and your family and admire so much how you choose to honor God through all of your journey.

p.s.s. Thank you Rita and Kimberly for letting me post about you without you knowing :) :) :)

UPDATE 7/13/14
Just got the news that my mammogram results were 'non malignant'- (non cancerous)!! Thank you SO much for all the prayers and messages- It brought tears to my eyes reading all of your words of encouragement. 

Rita

Janelle (L) Deb and I

when the rainbow does not mean what you thought

In December of 2010, Matt and I had been home study approved to adopt for 6 months.  We had retained an attorney in Hawaii who handled adoptions and signed up with an adoption agency on the mainland.  By the time December made the calendar that year, Matt and I had seen quite a few birthmother profiles but nothing had been a match.  If you are currently a 'waiting family' or have adopted, you know what I'm saying when I say that it's a tough wait.  Each day you anxiously check e-mail looking to see if there is a possible match- you wait for that phone call- you pray- you imagine what life is going to be like with your little blessing.

Sometimes you want something so badly you start grasping at straws to convince yourself of things that are not true.  Sometimes in the convincing, you put God in a place that He's really not- you speak for Him in a way that does not line up with scripture.

 

The message was on our home answering machine that December day...
A baby girl had been born at 34 weeks in Chicago- due to her early arrival and some other complications she was in NICU. Were Matt and I interested in becoming parents to this precious baby.
Matt and I prayed
prayed
and prayed some more
We ran it by our boys and then prayed some more
I personally didn't know what it was supposed to 'feel' like when you were told that you had been matched with a baby but I did know what it felt like to want your longing fulfilled so bad you would look for anything to confirm that the filling had arrived.

I specifically prayed that, if it was God's will, He would send a sign- something blaringly obvious that He was calling us to this adoption. 

I kid you not, as soon as I prayed the prayer, the most beautiful rainbow showed up in our front yard(never mind we lived on Kauai where rainbows were not so rare- I wanted to believe the rainbow was a sign so much that I compartmentalized any and all reasoning).  Matt had gone off by himself to pray and had come back just around the time the rainbow appeared- He said that he had been praying for a sign also and was shocked to see the rainbow. 

We called the caseworker and told her yes.
I booked a flight out to Chicago, leaving early the next morning- Matt was going to join a few days later..  I also booked a car and hotel.

I continued praying throughout the evening and had an unsettled feeling.
Was God really giving us the OK to adopt this baby by confirming it through a rainbow?
The unsettled feeling continued and by late that night, I was sitting on our bed crying to Matt telling him I thought we had made a mistake in saying yes....I knew this baby needed a mama but I didn't think I was the one- I kept going back to the rainbow and begging God not to be disappointed in me because of the sign He had given us to adopt this little girl.
An unsettled feeling had come over Matt too and we decided to call off the adoption.  The flight and hotel was cancelled and the case worker was called.

A firm conviction took root in both Matt and my heart that December evening- nowhere in the Bible does it say that a rainbow is for anything other than a covenant between us and the Lord.  A covenant that He would not flood the earth again (like He did in Noah's time).  There is nowhere that it said He would use it as a sign to confirm His calling on any of our lives- He uses His word to confirm His calling...He uses His word, the entire thing, to guide our lives- to teach us how to live and how to make wise decisions.  He uses His Word to teach us right from wrong and how to stand firm and not compromise. 

Matt and I made an error that day.  We spoke for God in a way that did not line up with scripture.
Each time I see a rainbow I am reminded to run to God's Word for His truth- To be careful that I am wanting something so badly I claim 'Jesus' when really it is the desperate longing for my own way.

Below is the rainbow I have been telling you about...When I took the picture, I thought it was going to be for our daughter to see when she was older- the sign God gave us that we were called to adopt her.
I was wrong
and
God was right
our birth mother Heather was 8 weeks pregnant with our Ellie at the time
I followed up with the caseworker on the adoption of the baby girl- at the last minute, the little girls mom decided to parent instead of place

Genesis 9:13-16New King James Version (NKJV)

¹³ I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. ¹⁴ It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; ¹⁵ and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. ¹⁶ The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”

Shelly the Elephant and Amy the Fish

It was the summer of 1993 that I came into Matt's family (I was 17 almost 18).  It was also that same summer I met Matt's niece's Amy and Shelly (who will always be Shell Bell).  Amy was almost 11 and Shelly was almost 9.  Matt's family lived on a Dairy Farm not too far from their house- the girls would hang out there quite a bit helping out (doing the chores their uncles didn't want to do for a quarter....never mind child labor laws and such :) ) Matt's dad and mom sold the dairy almost 20 years ago.
Since Matt's parents sold the dairy, it has sold a couple more times- the last of which was this past April (2015).  The newest owners decided to tear down the house currently on it (the one Matt grew up in) and build a new house- My brother in law Shawn is a contractor that, among other things, tears down homes.  Circumstances worked so that Shawn was able to get the bid to tear down the dairy house.
We were visiting Shawn and my sis in law Christie a few weeks ago and Shawn mentioned the tear down plans.....
The dairy house kitchen was redone in the late 1980's and has the most amazing late 80's oak cabinets you have ever seen.
It's no secret the love I have for late 80's oak cabinets
It's also no secret that Matt and I bought our 'forever house' last year- It is just waiting for us to move into it when the time is right.
Shawn said he would ask the new owners of the dairy house if they were willing to part with those fabulous cabinets....
The late 80's oak cabinets made their way to the shop out here at the ranch (where we currently live) to be stored until they are ready to be installed at our forever house.
While Matt, our friend Dale, his son Cody, and my Ryan were out picking up the cabinets at the dairy house today, they came across a little something tucked inside one of the cupboards.

Amy and Shelly have grown up- They are in their 30's now....which makes the following all that much more precious...I'm guessing it's been 25 years since they have seen the story Shelly wrote.
Amy and Shell Bell- I love you both and hope you enjoy seeing this as much as I did- Your uncle Matt found it when he was taking the cabinets out of the dairy and saved it for you.

Shelly the Elephent and his friend the fish.
Amy the fish

Hello!  My name is Shelly, I'm an elephent.  One day I was in the circus doing a trick  All of a sudden!  I was in the water.  The water that the fish were in.  I was imbarused.  Hello said Amy the fish.  And would you please get off me!!  You are hurting me!  but I can't swim, said Shelly the elephent.  You are sopose to float!  I can't!! Well then I'll try to slide out.  OK!  Don't screem it herts my ears!  Then you don't do it.  After he got off they became friends forever.  Only the elephent talked to the fish from the outside.  The End!!

The dairy house

hawaii, whales, and hitting my head

My mom is a 'remember the date' person like myself...it was no surprise this morning when I received a text saying that she and my pops had picked Ryan, Oklie, and I up at the Portland Airport 4 years ago today, June 10, 2011.  The flight was a one way for the 3 of us (Eli and Matt were coming home 2 months later) and marked the end of 2 years for our family living on the Island of Kauai.
4 years!
WOW!
On one hand it seems like yesterday and on the other, a lifetime ago.  Personally, I do not miss living in Hawaii BUT I miss the friends we made.  More than once, when we have had a get together at our house, I have longed to call up Julie, Dionne, or Holly and invite them and their families to join us. Right after that thought comes the reminder that traveling a little over 3000 miles for a dinner date might not be so realistic.

A few months ago, I was trying a new recipe- Instead of printing it off, I brought my computer to the kitchen counter so I could read the recipe for it there- easy to access while I cooked.  I set my computer just under the cabinet that our cups are stored- the computer was put just far enough on the counter that I could lean over and rest my elbows on the counter while I read.

Monday night, Eli was showing me something on his phone- something that he had saved in his pictures.  After looking at it, I took some time to scroll through his pictures- about mid way through scrolling, a video came onto the screen...I kept trying to place what the sound on the video reminded me of...those moments where something is so familiar but you just can't quite place where you know it from.

There were certain months of the year that the whales would be moving around the Islands of Hawaii- certain times where you could count on seeing them jump out of the water and splashing around.  Not sure where I heard about the radio station that had a live feed underwater catching the sounds the whales made but whoever thought of the idea was genius.  Writing about listening to 'live' whale sounds does not sound interesting when I am typing it out to you guys but it was fascinating!  I would listen for hours- having it going in the background while doing book work or cooking.  You felt like you were part of something amazing- The sounds they would make would sound different but yet have the same tone as they communicated back and forth with one another.

Eli thought it would be funny to open the cabinet door just above my head when I was leaning over looking at the recipe on my computer....he also thought it would be funny to catch the reaction when I stood up and hit my head on it- Please remember this child is by heritage fluent in the language of pestering.  He comes from a long line of professionals that think its is hilarious to annoy by way of pester....My husband promotes this in our children- he feels this is a generational pass down that will be carried on.  I see it as generational bondage but even with all the prayer and fight back I have done, it has not been broken....put me on your prayer chain- that I would not cave to the pressure of becoming a pesterer by taking on the motto 'if you can't beat em' join em' :) :)

Back to scrolling through Eli's phone last Monday night and trying to place the sound on the video,
The sound I made after hitting my head on the cabinet door...
I sounded just like a whale!

Here's to celebrating 4 years home!!

a goat, 2 geese, and apple trees

The ranch we live on shares about a mile of it's 2.5 mile driveway with 4 other neighbors.  Close to six months ago the house at the beginning of the driveway sold and new neighbors moved in.  Almost immediately after the sale, fencing started going up- horses arrived shortly after that and goats after the horses.
All of our mailboxes are at the beginning of the driveway next to the new neighbors house which means that each day, to get my mail, I park so that my car is just at the base of their driveway access. The first day 'goat' was standing at the end of the neighbors driveway access I figured he had gotten out of his pen (probably by eating his way through the barb wire).  Wanting to be a good example to Ellie (who was sitting in the back of the car completely fascinated by the goat), teaching her to not be intimidated by animals, I got out of my car and called it over to me....I was shocked when it came over and let me pet it- in exchange, I let it try to eat the sleeve on my shirt (not really, but I think it thought that was the exchange for letting me pet it).  Day after day, the same exchange has gone on.  I started taking Ellie out of her seat so that she could pet 'goat'.  I figured out after the first day of seeing it out that the neighbors must have trained the goat to stay in the boundaries of their place- It's almost like they have trained it to be like a dog. He's super social and friendly.
Who knew goats could be trained to be pets (thank you Goatworld for confirming this)!!

I told Matt a couple of months ago 'Hey babe, I think I am going to get Elle's a goat to have as a pet'

Matt's experience has not been good with goats.  He thinks they will eat the siding right off of your house, eat trees whole, chew the tires right off of your car, destroy and eat every shrub within a mile of your residence.

I say 'I'm sure we could train it not to do that'
to which he replies 'The only think goats are good for is their milk....are you going to milk it?'
'of course' is my response and I smile 'but only if we could get a whole herd of brown egg laying chickens'
cause I would just assume to eat raw brown eggs right out of the vent than touch the utter on a goat or drink (or even have the glass the milk is in touch even one shelf in my refrigerator) the milk from it.

and then Matt goes back to 'seriously steph, we not getting a goat'
'i'm serious!' he goes on to say

and so Elle's and I stop and pet 'goat' everyday he's out and we talk about what it would be like owning a pet like him.
and I keep working on Matt

In the near future (no date set) we will be moving to our house that has a bit of acreage (16 Acres). Matt is fencing it for cows
he has also agreed that we will put in a small orchard of apple trees
to which I added 'we will put 2 geese in the area of the apple trees'
the idea for this is from a house I drive by everyday on my way to Ellie's school- they have 2 geese in their field and it's adorable
Matt says 'have fun stepping in the goose poop- they poop as much as dogs only you cant train them to go in a certain area'
If you drive by our house, once we move and plant our apple trees, and the trees are barkless then let your eyes keep looking in the orchard.....look until you find Ellie's goat- the one that's obese from all of the bark it's eaten.....if our house is missing it's siding then you know it has eaten through the fence and found it's way into the area where our house is.  If my car is sitting on rims and the rubber is all missing then expect that you will be coming to dinner and enjoying a meal of goat :) :) :)

Hope you are all having a great Wednesday!!

for my buma family

This post is for the Buma family

Who are all up in Washington at a wedding that I am so bummed Matt and I were not able to attend (Congratulations Jonathan and Rachel- we love you)

Matt, Ellie, and I were able to visit the Cemetery where Matt's dad, John, was buried this past December.  Dad Buma was a Veteran and was able to be buried in a cemetery that recognizes those who have served .  It was an honor to be part of the ceremonies that were put on today- to see the respect and love that (literally) several thousand people showed to our fallen and passed.  

To all of those who have served or are serving our country- THANK YOU!

and to my Buma family.....Love you guys.