make it or break it part 2

I don't have a lot of time to blog (homework is calling my name) but I did want to do a follow up post to my FRIDAY'S POST (I only posted in on Facebook for a bit because I realized that I needed to get the people in the picture's permission prior to posting).

Here is a excerpt from Friday's post (bold italic) and at the bottom of the post I put an update on how the first 20 hours of clinical's went...

Along with enrolling in our community college, Liz and I also signed up for a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) course that is intimidating, rewarding, and intense.  The course is 9 weekends long with a combined total of 180 hours of classroom and clinical time.  During the 9 weeks, we spend 10 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday both in a class room and doing clinical rotations.  The clinical rotations allow us to perform the hands on duties of a CNA on residents at skilled nursing facilities (Nursing Homes).  Currently, with our CNA class, we have completed 40 hours of 'book' time and will begin 40 hours of 'clinical' time in the morning.  We will arrive at a local skilled nursing facility at 5:45 a.m. and leave at 4:15 p.m. both tomorrow and Sunday.

OH MY GOODNESS!

My heart is willing, my mind is terrified, and my gag reflex is strong.  I told the instructor of the CNA course that I will be prouder of myself if I can make it through this course then when I/if graduate from actual nursing school. For me, this weekend will be about facing my own inabilities (handling smells, changing dirty briefs, etc.) and not caving to my gag reflex and the intense desire I get to run from overwhelming situations (smells, etc.).  I told Liz that if I faint from hyperventilating,  just drag me out of the facility and don't let anyone call the ambulance (who wants a bunch of EMT or firemen you know standing over you when your just having a moment of panic?? NOT ME).

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know what God is up to, putting the desire in my heart to pursue nursing.  I could think of many other smarter, more qualified, younger people that would do much better.  But for reasons I don't completely understand, He has called me to this season at this time and is clearly guiding this path.

My gut feeling is that this weekend will be a make it or break it for me.  Even if I can't stomach the clinicals we will be doing and I choose to quit (or if I involuntarily throw up continuously from repetitive gagging and then think about what I am doing and gag some more and then throw up some more and the cycle continues and I have to quit because it is so disruptive to the group- yes, I think this could happen- I know people who, even when talk about things that have grossed them out start gagging- what if I am that person....is there a clinical diagnosis for a repetitive gagger- one that gags continuously for the rest of their life....ahahahaaaaa. I joke.  I hope.  could this happen?), I will still be so thankful for the last 3 weeks and will be able to hold my head high (not feeling like a failure but instead just so thankful for the experience).  If my weak stomach can overcome this clinical, the next hurdle will be passing Biology :)

Here's to a God who places dreams in our hearts we never knew we had and gives us the courage it takes to overcome fears!

P.S. I pray He is a God of blocking offensive smells in our nose too....bahahaaaa!!!

P.S.S. I'm super proud of Liz- She's got a rock solid stomach and some grit.  Those smells don't got nothin' on her!
_________________________________________

UPDATE (10.16.17)

Well, we are 20 hours of clinical's down towards our Certified Nurse Assistant Certificate (60 more to go)!

There were aspects of this weekend that were very difficult- I did have to step out of a room and take a breather (working on my tolerance for smells- I think Vicks was my best friend all weekend).  But, there were also aspects that were surprising to me.  I learned that mucus does not gross me out at all (Maybe because it doesn't have a strong smell- it's more of a texture thing..gooey, sticky, and glue like) and brushing someones teeth, even if they are grimy or full of food, is also not gross (digging out the particles of food and watching them be spit out of the mouth is outstanding- like your being rewarded for the job you did- what would have been extra rewarding is if they would have hawked up a loogie and spit it in the food ridden spit water from teeth brushing :) )
What took me most by surprise is how compassion and empathy for the patients you are performing nurse assistant duties on over-rides all the other feelings of fear or hesitancy that I had (except smell- that will be a miracle if it get's over-ridden by anything other than an act of God!).
When you know someone is in need, you don't even think twice about meeting that need the best you can (and if you can't, you find someone who is qualified to meet it).
Liz rocked the smells-  While I stepped out of a room due to my lack of smell tolerance, she charged right on in and handled it like a champ!

Here's to two nurse's in the making!

5:45 a.m. Saturday morning

make or break it..here we go!

No, it has not always been my dream to become a nurse.
I'm afraid of most everything that surrounds the nursing profession
giving shots
blood
wounds
smells
vomit
poop
sickness
suffering
hurting
dying
I know all of this exists but, in the past, insulated myself from facing it's reality.

Until a little over three years ago.

I was given the privilege of walking with those who are suffering and it crushed my heart.
I begged God to take away the crushed feeling and replace it with a callous indifference.  I wanted closed ears to the cries of the hurting, and, a callous heart to the deep ache and heaviness of suffering and sickness.
God didn't answer my prayer in a way that I wanted, instead, He surround me with more suffering and more hurting and placed a burden on my heart to help.
Through this, He brought me to a place where the sufferings of others trumped my fear of all the nursing profession requires and I acted.
Three weeks ago, along with my sister-in-law Liz, I enrolled in our local community college to begin the prerequisites to become a nurse.

If possible, I would like to help assist in the treatment of those suffering with Lyme Disease.

Along with enrolling in our community college, Liz and I also signed up for a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) course that is intimidating, rewarding, and intense.  The course is 9 weekends long with a combined total of 180 hours of classroom and clinical time.  During the 9 weeks, we spend 10 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday both in a class room and doing clinical rotations.  The clinical rotations allow us to perform the hands on duties of a CNA on residents at skilled nursing facilities (Nursing Homes).  Currently, with our CNA class, we have completed 40 hours of 'book' time and will begin 40 hours of 'clinical' time in the morning.  We will arrive at a local skilled nursing facility at 5:45 a.m. and leave at 4:15 p.m. both tomorrow and Sunday.

OH MY GOODNESS!

My heart is willing, my mind is terrified, and my gag reflex is strong.  I told the instructor of the CNA course that I will be prouder of myself if I can make it through this course then when I/if graduate from actual nursing school. For me, this weekend will be about facing my own inabilities (handling smells, changing dirty briefs, etc.) and not caving to my gag reflex and the intense desire I get to run from overwhelming situations (smells, etc.).  I told Liz that if I faint from hyperventilating,  just drag me out of the facility and don't let anyone call the ambulance (who wants a bunch of EMT or firemen you know standing over you when your just having a moment of panic?? NOT ME).

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't know what God is up to, putting the desire in my heart to pursue nursing.  I could think of many other smarter, more qualified, younger people that would do much better.  But for reasons I don't completely understand, He has called me to this season at this time and is clearly guiding this path.

My gut feeling is that this weekend will be a make it or break it for me.  Even if I can't stomach the clinicals we will be doing and I choose to quit (or if I involuntarily throw up continuously from repetitive gagging and then think about what I am doing and gag some more and then throw up some more and the cycle continues and I have to quit because it is so disruptive to the group- yes, I think this could happen- I know people who, even when talk about things that have grossed them out start gagging- what if I am that person....is there a clinical diagnosis for a repetitive gagger- one that gags continuously for the rest of their life....ahahahaaaaa. I joke.  I hope.  could this happen?), I will still be so thankful for the last 3 weeks and will be able to hold my head high (not feeling like a failure but instead just so thankful for the experience).  If my weak stomach can overcome this clinical, the next hurdle will be passing Biology :)

Here's to a God who places dreams in our hearts we never knew we had and gives us the courage it takes to overcome fears!

P.S. I pray He is a God of blocking offensive smells in our nose too....bahahaaaa!!!

P.S.S. I'm super proud of Liz- She's got a rock solid stomach and some grit.  Those smells don't got nothin' on her!

Here we go!

a few baffles

A few things that baffle me:

Why do...

• Police sell their old vehicles at public auctions.  The light bar may be removed off of the top but the paint is still the same.  The cars sell for bottom dollar prices ($700-$1200).  Maybe I should rephrase that last sentence- they sell at hoodlum dollar prices.  Logic tells me it's just a bad idea.  A mockery to the car.  First they chase the hoodlum then they are owned by the hoodlum.  You know that cars riding around with it's tail between it's legs.  I would have voted they be offered to struggling veterans.  Men of honor who risked their life for our country.  Something along those lines.  I'm sorry retired police car....I'm sorry. 
• Why do people eat Sushi?  Raw fish...Really?  It just seems like it's a good way to contact parasites and unexplained extended diarrhea.  As if that's not bad enough, it sometimes gets seaweed wrapped around it.  The weird looking green floating stuff in the ocean that is known for it's high sodium levels and the possibility for iodine toxicity.  I can not wrap my brain around what the draw to Sushi is.
• Last one- this one isn't so much baffling but just an interesting bit of information that I learned while we were visiting Canada several years ago.  Did you know that one can of chewing tobacco sells for $29. in Canada (a can of chew is roughly $6. in the US).  You can't buy chewing tobacco at a grocery store, you buy it from off the beaten path convenience stores that are not allowed to have any signage showing that they carry tobacco products.  They also do not flavor their chew.  They feel like if they flavor it (and make it affordable) it will be a draw for kids to buy and get addicted to.  It's called the “Making Healthier Choices Act”.  Another 'no no' in Canada is “wine-dipped” cigars, and fruity cigarettes.  Hummmm.....If I lived in Canada I would have to give up smoking cigars and chewing tobacco (darn!)

Happy Wednesday guys!

p.s. i was joking about smoking cigars and chewing tobacco.  I pretty much stick to eating fibrous foods and avoid sugar.

Thank you to 'An Insider's Guide to Buying Used Police Cars' for this photo :)

I've got a question for you :)

I've got a question for you.
If we are Facebook friends, would you please answer in my comment section under this post.  If we are not Facebook friends, please feel free to send me an e-mail (blessingofadoption@hotmail.com).

What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?

I'm so excited to read your answers!

Mine would be moving from a subdivision home with a comfortable job and life to a ranch, off the grid, in Kauai, for 2 years (2009-2011).  I learned that I am a difficult person when I am out of my comfort zone :) and that humidity and my hair are a terrible couple.

OK, your turn-

A month into our Hawaiian 'Adventure', my dear friend Holly came to visit (June 2009).  Here we are on one of the beaches at the ranch where our family lived.  

a couple of thought provoking things

It's been an interesting month with a  couple of thought provoking things that have happened....

Three or so weeks ago, I was on my way to visit my sis in law (I was by myself).  I had come to an intersection of a highway and was getting ready to pull out and take a left.  There was a bridge on my left and a long stretch of road on my right.  In front of me, just across the street was a 20 foot or so embankment.  I glanced to my left and saw that there was a white suburban type of SUV just coming up to the bridge.  They were not going very fast and I knew I could pull out and make it into my lane safely.  I leaned forward and looked to my right and did not see any cars.  I went to go press on my gas petal to pull out and my leg literally felt like lead and I felt a jolt of a non audible 'DONT' inside my head.  As I looked down at my leg to see why it wouldn't move, I heard the sound of a very fast  moving vehicle.  I looked up just in time to see a truck pass in front of me, in the lane I was getting ready to turn into, traveling at a high rate of speed.  I must have sat at the intersection for 2-3 minutes trying to figure out how I missed seeing the truck.  Honestly, I have never had anything like this happen before.  I put together that, in the almost 3 years I have owned my car (Nissan Rogue), I have never noticed that if my car is angled just right, the passenger side head rest mixed with the way the wrap is on my back window leading to the passenger side back door, there is a perfect blind spot.  My car was positioned just right for that blind spot to be a 'blind spot' when I pulled up to the stop sign to make the turn.  After processing the blind spot, I thanked God for His protection and thanked him that my son, who is a firefighter in the area and was on shift that day, did not have to respond to a call involving his mom.  I also thanked God that the speeding truck was able to safely travel to where he was going.  It was a sobering moment and quite frankly, it's still a sobering moment (it was hard to even type out the story in this post).  It seems like, what's most important to take away from this is how, in an instant, our life can change.  As much as we don't want to think about it, it's a fact.  I can't imagine doing this life without Jesus, His hope that no matter what, He is with us, His presence,  His peace, and the promise of Heaven when our life here is over.

Two weeks later,  I was driving home from an event.  I was a couple of miles from my house and I see what looks like a woman curled up in the fetal position at the end of a gravel driveway.  I slowed down and drove past her really slow.  I will never be one of those people who can just drive by this type of situation and not stop.  If I think someone needs help, I'm a big believer that you stop and help if you can.  I rolled down my window and asked her if everything was ok- she was very upset and said that she felt like her hands were frozen but her body felt like it was on fire.  She also said she was thirsty and had a really bad headache and asked if I would call for help.  I pulled my car off of the road just past where she was laying so I could call 911 and give her some water.   Nissan Rogue's have hatch back type of trunks.  The bottled water I was getting her was in my trunk area.  As I was leaning into the trunk area to grab the water, I hear a motorhome door slam and a man start yelling, 'get up Cheryl, GET UP! you're fine!'  I had noticed the motorhome sitting 30 or so feet back down the gravel driveway from where the woman was laying.  I thought it was abandoned so didn't think much of it.  While the man was walking towards 'Cheryl' and I, he undid the belt off of his shorts, which made his shorts sag so low it was awkward.  When I looked directly at him, trying to get a quick assessment of what was going on, I could tell he was not in his right mind.  From his reaction and from her reaction, it was apparent that she was having some sort of reaction to drugs and he was high.  As he got closer to us, he threw his water bottle down at her and insisted that she get up.  I was talking to 911 on the phone (ambulance had already been called and was almost on scene) and was beginning to feel really uncomfortable with the man (we exchanged 'words' after the 911 call).  A white truck was just passing by us, going very slow, and I flagged them down and told them to wait until help arrived (yay! for others who are willing to stop and not drive on by)- I wanted some help if the guy began to get out of control.  First responders arrived and I jumped in my car and left.  The people sitting in the white truck also left.  When it was all over, I found myself pondering for days why people do drugs.  My heart was so sad for this couple and the life they were living.  She was completely miserable (from whatever she had taken) but statistically, she would get out of the hospital and go right back to using.  She doesn't realize how precious her life is and that she is wonderfully created by our Almighty God.  Drug addictions are heartbreaking.  absolutely heartbreaking.

If I could do it over, I would have pulled up next to the woman, called 911 for her, and stayed in my car with my window down talking to her and reassuring her- not because I didn't want to help her but because it doesn't seem like it was a safe decision on my part to get out (due to the man coming out of the motorhome).
It's not in my nature to back down from confrontation and I'm a natural protector of the underdog, so, when the man came out yelling at Cheryl I stood up to him verbally.  It did no good, he wasn't even in his right mind and his responses were not logical.  Ignoring him would have probably been best (or verbally sparing from my car where I could roll up my window...I don't know, this just seems cowardly :)-  

There you go, now you know a few things that have been going on in my mind.  Not a super fun blog post to write but it's real.

well guys, that's a wrap...

I was telling my friend, Kristi, that I was trying to put a visual picture to what it feels like to celebrate my Ryan's 18th birthday today (and have him graduate from high school on Wednesday night).  I explained that it feels like Matt and I have been on stage with Ry for the past 18 years.  It started out with us playing a leading role in Ryan's life.  Then as the years went by we played less of a leading role and more of a support role (all the while still on stage).  When he turned 16 and got his license, things really began to shift.  Matt and I were still on the stage, but we played a quieter support role,  more behind the scenes of his life rather than leading.  Today, as 18 is here and with high school graduation following in a couple of days, Matt and I will get to graciously walk off of the stage and go sit in the audience.  The curtain will fall on his childhood and will re-open with his adult life.  When the curtain opens, We will get to watch our Ry live the life God has for him, not from the vantage point of us leading but from the vantage point of the audience.
Yes, still giving him our input and advise....when he asks for it, but, respecting that he is an adult and fully capable of making his own decisions.
Often, when the credits role for a movie, you will get to see the 'bloopers'.  The parts of the movie (or TV show) that were cut from scenes because they weren't done quite right.
As the 18 year long season of raising our Ry ends, and before the curtain falls and I walk off of the stage, I'm going to share with you a few behind the scene bloopers that we've experienced over the years :)

• Ryan was born at 5:25 p.m. on June 5, 1999.  He weighed 9 lbs. 3 oz. and had low blood sugar right out of the gate.  In an effort to raise his blood sugar, the hospital gave him formula.  Something about that formula and Ryan's newborn system didn't get along.  It produced the rankest smelling farts you have ever smelled- full blown suffer and rotten egg stench.  He never would let one rip when a nurse or dr. was in the room and I know they didn't believe either Matt or I when we told them the smell was from Ryan.  We gave up trying to explain and accepted the misplaced blame!
• When Ry was a couple years old, I laid him down for a nap and told him he could not get out of his crib or he would get in trouble.  He was determined that he was not tired and did not want to take that nap.  After peeling off all of the wall paper he could reach by his crib, he then figured out that his crib was on wheels.  When I heard his little voice say 'mom!', I peeked down the hall and saw his head looking out the door of his room....from his crib, that he had somehow maneuvered down the wall (peeling the wall paper as he maneuvered it down the wall) of his room all the way to the door- He was proud of himself that he had obeyed and not gotten out of his crib and still made it to the door.  There was something about the way his head was looking out the door that made him look just like a turtle peeking out of his shell....I totally should have disciplined him but instead I laughed my head off.  I never did repair the wall paper!
• By 4 years old, Ry was full blown into spiderman.  I've never been one to buy my kids Theme type of shirts- no mickey mouse or toy story was going to be found on my kids clothes.  I stuck to trending name brand and left it at that.  Ryan BEGGED for the spiderman pajamas when he saw them.  The shirt was red and had netting under the arms so that when he lifted his arms it looked like a spiderweb.  It also had a picture of spiderman throwing his web on the front.  Against my better judgement, I let him wear it to church (maybe it had something to do with his incessant begging and Matt's question to me about whether I was being a little stringent in not letting him wear it).  As soon as we got out of the car at church, a couple stopped Ryan and told him how cute his shirt was.  I leaned down and told Ryan to tell them 'Thank You'- He turned to them, threw up his arms like he was clawing the air, exposed the spiderwebs under his arms, glared and them, and loudly hissed.  They didn't even laugh.  I told him if he did it again I would cut the webs out from under the arms of the shirt and his prized pajama shirt would be webless....he proudly walked off, holding up his arms so everyone could see his webs.
• As 4 made it's way to 5, Ry had developed quite the love for movies.  I am not one of those parents that watched everything before my children did- It was more like a quick glance at what the movie was about and that was it.  We had the movie 'My Summer Story' that Ryan would watch over and over.  I had never seen it but thought it great that it kept him entertained.  The same year he watched 'My Summer Story' over and over, my brother in law, sister in law, and my 3 nephews moved into town.  One day, Ryan was playing with my nephew, Josh, and he (Ry) knocked over a light and broke it.  They were up in our shop and I was in the house- Josh came down to the house and told me that when the light broke, Ryan had said the 'D' word.  I was a little baffled as to where he had heard it, and, after investigating a bit realized he must have heard it from 'My Summer Story'.  Ryan and I had the appropriate vs. inappropriate language talk and I thought we were all good.   Shortly after that, Ry was standing by my pops, Phil, as he was working outside, and asked Phil 'What the He** he was doing?'.  Pops was shocked and asked Ryan What he had just said...Ry repeated it. Over the course of several months, he went on to drop several more cuss words at all inopportune times (Ryan dropped another round of He** in front of my brother in law, he was driving and had to pull his car over he was laughing so hard).  Much to Ryan's dismay, My Summer Story was thrown out due to his lack of discerning skills in what is appropriate language and what is not.  He then took up saying Butt-ler...saying the 'Butt' part really loud and whispering ler- Matt and I let him get away with it.  Was that good parenting skills....I wouldn't change a thing :)
• 6 year old Ry was sharing ownership of a bird with Eli.  Dutch was a blue Cockatiel that was super friendly.  One day, he tried to fly off of Eli's arm and ended up on the ground right in front of Eli's foot.  Eli stepped on his back and broke it.  As Dutch was dying in my hands, Eli was crying and felt horrible.  Ryan was sitting on the steps by Eli, stared right at Dutch and then stared at Eli and said to Eli, under his breath, 'Cry-baby!'  It's so funny now but then, I was horrified at Ryan's lack of sensitivity!!
• My last one is a series of pictures- behind the scenes of everyone of them is Ry, making his brother CRACK UP because he is telling a joke or saying something just for the shock factor (to which Eli is never shocked but instead laughs).  From the time Ryan was old enough to talk, he has kept Eli laughing, more than I'd bet Eli even realizes.

And, to my Ry, I love you I love you I love you and Happy Birthday!!  If you look in the front row, in the audience of your life, you will see your dad and I, always present and always available.  He will be cheering you on in an orderly fashion with proper clapping and I will be fist pumping and shouting accolades- you'll hear this mama, I promise!

That's a wrap on this one, guys!  Matt and I are two down and one to go....We'll talk high school graduation again in 13 years.  Yay for the class of 2030, when our Ellie graduates!!

Ry, proudly showing off his new Pit Viper glasses (thanks to Danika), while having 'Happy Birthday' sang to him tonight- Lookin good, Ry, Lookin good!!

Picture compliments of the Mail Tribune- June 2017

Ry (far right) and his ODF crew- August 2017

it's been a privilege to raise you....

In 3 weeks time and within a 3 day time period our Ryan will turn 18 and graduate from high school.
His plan is to work at Oregon Department of Forestry on the wild land fire fighting crew for the summer and then begin the fire science program at our local community college in the fall.  He was accepted as a student intern for Fire District 3 (the link is a video of Ryan talking, through a power point presentation, during senior night at school) and when he graduates from college he would like to become a firefighter.

I'm not kidding when I say that it seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with him.

This picture was taken on my due date with Ry

You take a breath and they start kindergarten.

You take another breath and your here.  Getting ready to sit in the grandstands as their name gets called so they can walk across the stage to collect their high school diploma.

Such a sobering moment as a parent, how fast the time goes that the Lord privileges us with to raise our children.  But, behind this moment, is a thankfulness for the person you were blessed to spend the last 18 years raising.  In many ways, our children raise us.  For Matt and I, our kids grew us up.  They taught us how to love unconditionally and sacrificially.  How to think of others before ourselves and how to listen and look for their heart when they talk to us.  Raising children, the good and difficult, the seasons of pain and triumph, the joys and the sorrows, all of it is an amazing gift from God. A gift both Matt and I are so very thankful was bestowed upon us.

You're going to do amazing Ryan Chase.  You were born with a determined spirit that knows where you are going and how you are getting there.  In your determination and drive, you have never forgotten to enjoy life and have fun.  You have taught me so much about pressing on when times are tough and not letting circumstances get the best of you.  You are compassionate and kind but know when to say no and when to have boundaries.  You have a heart that loves the Lord, but, not in a way that is unrealistic or legalistic.  You have a wisdom and discernment that is beyond your years and I admire that in you.  I hear you talking and am regularly amazed at the insight you have.

I pray you use your life to honor and serve God and that you allow Him to do mighty things through you.  I pray that the worries of this world rise up in you a strong faith and not a defeating fear.  I pray that you rest in contentment and acknowledge the Lords hand in every detail.  I pray that you will confidently dwell in the calling God has on your life and thrive.  That you will use every ounce of your strength to love the Lord and to love others.  That after you, the Godly legacy you live out will impact the generations to come.  Judge wisely your actions and live with integrity and character.  God has instilled it in you, son, He's called you before the beginning of time to be His and with that calling you have the Holy Spirit inside of you, guiding you in all you do.

What a life you are going to have, duck- what a life!

How do you even end a post like this.  A million memories are in my heart, there's so many things I want to say.  But, to be honest, it's all been said.  We are a family that doesn't hold back :)  And the rest, the million memories, like most mothers, we tuck them away in our heart- cherished and adored with an indescribable thankfulness.

It's been a great privilege to raise you, Ry.  You have brought dad and I an immense amount of joy and laughter and we are so proud of the man you have become.

Thank you so much.

I love you
lots and lots

Love,
Mom

Ry is in the pink helmet racing at the Enduro Max

and I got to watch him race....so exciting BUT so nerve wracking!!

June 5, 1999

October 24, 2020