Adoption Questions Answered part 2 of 3 (or maybe 4)

Good Morning Sunshine........hee! Thinking it is going to take 4 blog posts to answer the questions instead of 3. Matt is good about a short answer while I feel the need to explain (and I even edited this blog post down a bit)- Matt is good at staying practically minded when He explains most of our adoption (although he is still brought to tears when he explains certain parts of it) while I want to constantly think of it in the 'emotional' sense- my part of question number 1 included 6 years worth of what led up to our adoption emotionally........we went with Matt's practical answer :)

1.        How did you decide what type of adoption (private adoption or through the State)?  

I (Steph) wanted to adopt privately and Matt was open to either- When we moved to Hawaii, I  (S) called around to get more information about adopting through the state- At the time, Hawaii did not offer adoption through the State for children under 10 (most children that would need adopting are taken care by family members or friends) so our only option was private. 

2.       Is it expensive to adopt?    Private adoption can be expensive.   Matt and I clearly knew God was calling us to adopt by way of a private adoption but when the time came to say ‘yes’ to Ellie’s adoption the fee’s surrounding her adoption (attorney fees etc.) were completely out of the boundaries of what Matt and I had discussed we would spend.  The adoption agency we were going through presented you with very close figures of what your adoption would cost- These were the figures we were comfortable with and had prepared for financially- Because Ellie’s adoption was brought to us through private attorneys the amount the attorneys wanted was substantially more than not only our adoption agency but what we had financially planned for.  It was difficult to navigate between the emotional facts and the physical fact that our attorney wanted so much money for Ellie’s adoption (emotional facts being that both Matt and I knew we were called to adopt and we knew that Heather and Ellie were our match.).  God had confirmed our whole adoption process up to this point- It was difficult to know how to move forward in Faith- Was it the Lord shutting the door to our adoption or was it simply a leap of faith we needed to take- trusting God with our finances (that He would provide the outstanding balance we would have for Ellie’s adoption).   To make a long story short we moved forward with Ellie’s adoption- Our Faithful Heavenly father provided every penny we needed to complete our adoption.  He used Matt’s financial stewardship (our savings account that had years of hard earned money that Matt insisted we save), several beautiful families that God nudged the hearts of to give in a financial way to our adopiton, an agency called Show Hope (who offers grants to families that are adopting), and an Adoption Tax Credit offered by the Federal Government.

3.       Where do you begin if you are interested in adoption?  Lots of prayer J  It also never hurts to get educated about adoption- Talk to friends or others you know who have adopted, read adoption books, read adoption blogs from both birth mothers and families that have adopted.  If  you live in a State that offers either private or state adoptions,  talk to a social worker that handles adoptions through the state, an adoption attorney, and an adoption agency to decide what fits your families situation best.                                                                            
        Thank you again for the questions!

Adoption Questions Answered part 1 of 3

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS!!  Between my husband Matt and I we wondered (Matt) or asked (Me) before we adopted every question we were asked :)

If you did not catch the last blog post it was titled Adoption Questions Anyone?  Matt agreed to sit down with me and answer questions about our adoption.  Please know that as we answer your questions, our story represents our experience and like a lot of things in life, adoption experiences are all different.

Right now, Matt is laying on our living room couch and I am sitting in the funky maroon chair beside.....my feet propped up on the red fake leather foot stool-

Here we go- This is part 1 of 3 (12 questions total so if your question is not on here it will be on one of the two next posts- The questions are in no particular order)

1. How often do you talk to Ellie's Birth mom/ How do you communicate with her?  Guessing that if you averaged it out we talk about once a month- We mostly text but sometime talk on the phone.  We are also friends on facebook and have each others e-mail address if we choose to use that too.
2. Are you scared Ellie will be resentful that she was adopted when she is older?  We both hope not but know that it may be a possibility- part of the reason we choose an open adoption is we want Ellie to know who her biological family is- Our birth mom Heather has said from the beginning of our adoption process that she wants to be there for Ellie when she gets older if Elle's wants to know why Heather made the choice to place (adoption) instead of parent.  Matt thinks about this possibility less than I do- He figures we will deal with it when/if Ellie battles this- I have prayed A LOT about this issue and grieve for both Ellie and Heather as they both have felt and will feel a loss- Heather more so at the placement (after delivery) and Ellie when she is old enough to realize that while we absolutely adore her and know that God choose her for our family, she also has a biological family that she was not raised with.
3. How have your boys adjusted to having a little sister?  Our middle son Ryan, who is 13 just walked into the room so I asked him this question- He said, 'It's fun having a little sister- (He then switched into his Nacho Libre imitation voice) It's a blessing from God......if you know what I mean!'  I asked Ryan what has been the hardest thing about our adoption- He said that we are not able to do as much stuff (as a family) because Ellie is not able to yet (example would be the boys want to float down the river....sometimes I would join if we have a babysitter but other times Matt takes them and I stay home with Elle's).  I asked Ryan what the funnest thing about having a little sister is- He said 'hanging out with her and getting to play with her.'
4. Are you going to adopt anymore children?  At this point, both of our answer is no BUT we all know that God could turn that around....We are not actively seeking to adopt again- we have been presented with the possible option and still did not feel a tug in our heart to adopt.  Matt and I both feel more of a calling to help those we come into contact with that may be pursuing the option of adoption by way of referring them to the adoption agency we were going through before we adopted Ellie and/or tell them about friends and family members we know who are interested in adopting.

Questions that will be answered in the next two posts:

1. How did you decide what type of adoption (private adoption or through the State)?  
2. Is it expensive to adopt?
3. Where do you begin if you are interested in adoption?  
4. Is it hard having older children and a baby?
5. How did you know for sure you wanted another child- was it just wanting a girl or did you know your family was not complete?
6. Is it hard loving a child that is not biologically yours? 
7. Why did you choose an open adoption?
8. Are you ever worried that Ellie's Birth Parents will want her back?

July 2012

Adoption Questions Anyone? (Post Closed To Questions)

Please Note That This Post Has Been Closed To Questions- we answer 12 of the questions asked on the following 3 blog posts- BIG THANK YOU FOR ASKING :)
Do you have any adoption questions...............PLEASE ASK US!
I asked Matt a couple nights ago if he gets asked questions about adoption- He stopped what he was doing and said 'actually yes'- I then asked him if the questions felt invasive (Matt is the more private of the 2 of us).........His response actually surprised me 'Nope, not at all!'.......so then I asked him if he would be willing to sit down and write a blog post with me answering adoption questions- For the second time in my blogging history (Matt helped me write 18 Tips to Celebrate 18 Years of Marriage) my man and are are going to share the stage-
You have several ways you can ask your questions.....

• facebook by way of private message
• e-mail me (blessingofadoption@hotmail.com)
• Under the comment section of this blog (I will not post the questions asked)

Just to put a few things out there for you to think about.......

• The most asked question Matt gets is 'Is it hard to love a child that is not biologically yours?'
• The most asked question I get is 'Are you afraid that Ellie's birth parents will want her back and you will loose her?'

Some facts about our adoption.........

• We adopted domestically (from the US)
• Our adoption was a private adoption (we did not adopt through the State)
• We did not adopt through an agency (although we we signed up with one) but instead through a private Attorney
• We have an open adoption (meaning we have contact with our birth mom Heather)
• We received a grant from an Agency called Show Hope to help cover the costs of our adoption

PLEASE DON'T HOLD BACK IN YOUR ASKING OF QUESTIONS!  Adoption is a beautiful thing and important to be educated about if it is something you are considering.......I am so thankful for all the people (including blogs I read that I did not know the people personally) that opened up about adoption... what it was really like........people who had experienced it...........people who had lived it (birth mothers, children that have been adopted, and parents that have adopted)

Happy Friday!
Steph

A great resource for Adoption Information and Adoption Grants

Got Sand?

We went to the coast when Ellie was a couple of months old but she slept the entire time we were at the ocean- This past weekend was her first real experience at the beach.......I told myself for weeks before we went that I would not worry about or try to patrol her experience in the sand-

Oh my........SAND........she loved it, she ate it, she rolled in it, SHE HAD IT EVERYWHERE!
I'm so glad the weather (which was overcast but not cold) was nice enough that we could let her enjoy the sand in 'diaper only' and keep it out of her clothes, shoes, etc.

Basketball then and now

1990..........

Bangs, perm'd hair, pegged jeans, rolled up sleeves on your t-shirt, blue eye shadow,

Aqua Net Hairspray, Keds, New Kids on The Block...

Freshman Year of Basketball- The below picture was our whole team- All 7 of us- I think we only

won 1 game the whole season- As I looked at this picture (Sam I stole it off of your facebook wall) It struck me that I am friends (on facebook) with 6 of the 7 girls pictured below- our coach and I (who is not on facebook) go to church together- she is still a person I consider as one of the biggest influences in my life to date. 

2012

Flabby skin, Cellulite, out of shape, air balls, deliberate fouling because it is funny, screeching everytime someone makes a basket, double dribbles, crack sweat and BO.....

First time playing basketball again in almost 20 years- My church (thank you Kristen) started a women's basketball night and it's been fun shooting hoop again-  None of my freshman year team is able to make it- most of the girls do not live local anymore.....Hope is in the middle holding the ball- she's in Texas (and has made most of my Ellie's cute hair bows that you see in her pictures- Thank you Hope), I am the unsmiling #24, Beautiful Kir #23 lives in a town about an hour away and became a teacher, Sara (to the L of Kir) and I have not stayed in contact (thus the only non facebook friend), Meg (to the L of Sara) lives in California and is in law school (good job Meg!), Sam (to the L of Meg) also lives in California, is a teacher, and has 2 adorable sons,  and my sis Jodi, who is #22 lives local but is pregnant (congrats sis on #5) so can not play.

Anyway, going back to church ball- It's been so fun not only getting the exercise but playing with a group of really fun gals :)

13 Months Old

At 13 Months old Ellie is:

• 17 pounds
• 28 inches long
• Has 4 teeth, 2 bottoms and 2 uppers
• Standing on her own (until she realizes she is standing and then sits down) but not walking- She crawls everywhere
• Eating 3 meals a day plus 3-4/ 6 oz bottles
• Loves Refried Beans, Goldfish Crackers, Oatmeal, Ritz, Chewy Granola Bars, and toast
• Say's 'da da', dog, no (and even shakes her head when she says it), duck (which is what we call Ryan)- I work with her every day trying to get her to say 'ma ma'...she never shows any sort of interest in saying it :)
• Loves 'jabbering' and will carry on a full conversation (in baby language) for anyone that will listen
• Wears 6-9 months clothes
• Enjoys being outside in her walker strolling around
• Is nervous when in any sort of water- So that she enjoys her baths, I do not pull the stopper up in the drain but instead let it drain and leave the faucet running- She sits and plays with the water coming out and I can get her washed up
• Takes 1 nap a day usually sleeping for 3 hours
• Wears size 3 diapers

Matt and Ellie on a daddy daughter date plus mommy as a tag a long (to go get her favorite refried beans)

Looking Back

Blogging is a funny thing- I don't know very many 'bloggers' personally so I can't say if this is normal or abnormal but I have 60+ posts in my 'draft' folder that I have never published.  I could write about anything and everything so lots of those 60 draft posts may be interesting to me but completely boring to others.....I try to be somewhat sensitive when posting on here not only about the subject matter but also try to post what others may find interesting.  I was looking over them (drafts) tonight deciding if I wanted to blog or post from the drafts- As I was in my drafts section I glanced over the stats page (the page that shows how many views your blog gets) and thought I would share a few 'stats'-

• The Most Read Post of all time- Nicholas Heart Surgery
• Second Most Read Post of all time was dedicated to our Birth Mom and the first post written after Ellie was born- Heather Marie
• Most commented post (the comments came by way of e-mail and private facebook messages)- Marriage and Submission
• I blogged my way through a Tsunami Evacuation while we were living in Hawaii- Tsunami Warnings and getting ready to evacuate
• One of my favorite posts (I used all 10 dozen eggs in a month!)- 10 Dozen Eggs and English Muffins made with Gold Dust
• One of Matt and my funniest memories from living in Hawaii- we still laugh about it today! Switching from Tsunami's to Peacocks
• The first post I wrote for a blog other than my own- It was picked up by a site called adoption.com The Ugly Voice of Comparison

Thanks for taking a look back with me!

Took this picture just before walking out the door to evacuate for the projected Tsunami that was headed to Hawaii
from the earthquake (and Tsunami) in Japan- March 2011......It was a little after 1:00 a.m.